A comedy set at 'Fawlty Towers' hotel, in Torquay, starring:



Basil decides he wants to attract some higher class people to his hotel. Although Sybil disapproves of the advert he places, he manages to attract to his hotel, Sir Richard and Lady Morris. Meanwhile, Sybil starts nagging him to put a picture up, but he is constantly being distracted by hotel guests, and doing the menu for the day. Later that day, an unexpected guest arrives, claiming to be Lord Melbury. Feeling honoured to be dealing with a high class guest, Basil is only too delighted to look after his case of valuables, and to lend him 200 for the weekend. He even moves some guests (the Wareings) during their lunch, so that Lord Melbury may sit in a special place. However, Polly soons tells Basil that one of the guests she's been talking to, Danny Brown, is from the CID, and that Lord Melbury is actually a conman, whereupon Basil has a look at the case of valuables he is looking after, only to find it is just two ordinary bricks. Later that evening, the Wareings come into the bar, and Mr. Wareing, who doesn't think a great deal of the hotel, after the incident when he was moved in the middle of his lunch, orders a Gin and Orange, a Lemon Squash, and a Scotch and Water, but Basil is too busy occupied with Lord Melbury, than to worry about serving that order. While the police arrest Lord Melbury in the hotel, and Basil manages to retrieve the 200 off him, Sir Richard and Lady Morris arrive, and, after witnessing all the commotion, including Basil's outrage of 'BASTARD!', they soon decide to leave. After all the pandemonium has died down, Basil decides to get the picture up, but is distracted by Mr. Wareing's cry of "A GIN AND ORANGE, A LEMON SQUASH, AND A SCOTCH AND WATER, PLEASE!!!". Losing his patience, Basil throws the picture onto the floor, frog-marches Mr. Wareing into the bar, and finally serves him the drinks.


While Basil and Sybil are going away for the weekend, Mr. Stubbs, a professional builder, is supposed to come and make some alterations to the hotel, to be precise, put a door through to the kitchen and block off the drawing room door. Suddenly, Mr. O'Reilly, an incompetent builder, who has left a garden wall unfinished outside, rings unexpectedly. Sybil is suspicious, but Basil manages to convince her it is about finishing the garden wall after so long. Actually, it is his men that are going to do the work, although Sybil thinks Stubbs is doing it. While they are away, a man arrives with a garden gnome, which Sybil has ordered. When the men arrive, Polly is supposed to be in charge, but she falls asleep, and instead, the incompetent Manuel is left in charge. When Basil gets back, he finds that the builders have messed up, the door is put through to the staircase, and the dining-room door is blocked. He takes his anger out on Polly, who he says was supposed to be in charge. He panics, because his wife is due back at lunchtime, but Polly persuades him to call O'Reilly, and get him to clear the mess up, or he will insert a large garden gnome in him. His men, however, won't come, because it is Sunday, but O'Reilly manages to work out that in the time he has, and what he has to do, he can easily do it. Then, however, Sybil gets back early and unexpectedly. Basil tries to blame Stubbs for the fiasco, and says that O'Reilly has come to rectify the situation, but Sybil is not fooled. She lashes out at Basil and Mr. O'Reilly, phones Mr. Stubbs and arranges for him to clear up the mess, then leaves. Basil tells O'Reilly that he should show Sybil what he can really do, by not only taking away the door to the staircase and putting the dining-room door back, but also blocking off the drawing room door and putting the kitchen door through. The next morning, the lobby is completely renovated. Sybil arrives back, followed by the arrival of Mr. Stubbs. Embarrassed by the situation, she apologises to Mr. Stubbs, who looks at the work, and says it is very good. Basil revels, but then Mr. Stubbs asks about the lintel, and realises that the door has been put through a supporting wall, which could fall away any moment. Basil grabs the gnome and walks off. When Sybil asks where he is going, he says he is going to see Mr. O'Reilly....


While Basil is flirting with a French guest, Mrs. Peignoir, he does not approve of Polly doing the same. He even disapproves of some guests, Alan and Jean Wilson, a youngish couple, because of their hobnobbing. Meanwhile, it is Manuel's birthday, so he is allowed to go out for the evening, and when he gets back he is drunk. That evening, Alan and Jean catch Basil in rather compromising positions with Mrs. Peignoir and Manuel. The next day, a middle-aged couple, Mr. and Mrs. Lloyd arrive, whom Basil disgustedly says have to leave because a mistake was made, and the rooms they were given were actually already taken, although the real reason, is because he thinks they're behaving intolerably, when he goes into the Lloyd's room to find first Jean and later Polly in Mr. Lloyd's arms. He also tells Polly to get her hat and coat. When Sybil finds out what Basil has done and why, she soon explains to him that Jean is Mr. Lloyd's step-daughter, and Polly was one of Jean's old schoolfriends. Sybil orders Basil to tell them they can stay, and says all he has to do is tell them he made a mistake, but what he actually tells them is that his wife has made a mistake. That night, Sybil goes off to spend the night with her friend Audrey, giving Mrs. Peignoir a chance to flirt with Basil. When Sybil arrives home unexpectedly that night and knocks on Basil's door, he thinks it's Mrs. Peignoir, whom he tells that his wife has just got back unexpectedly. When he realises it is his wife at the door, he tries to pretend he has had a bad dream, but Sybil is more interested in the fact that there's a burglar downstairs. Basil goes down in the dark, picks up a frying pan, and, when he sees a figure coming out of the kitchen, he knocks him unconscious. Suddenly the lights are turned on, and Basil realises that he has knocked out a drunken Manuel. At the front door, he sees the Lloyds and Alan and Jean, who stare at Basil, who is wearing only his underpants and a shirt. Mr. Lloyd, looking at him uncertainly says "We've...been...to...a...wedding!"


Sybil hears some news from her friend Audrey - there are some hotel inspectors in town. Apparently a friend of a friend overheard three men in the pub one night comparing notes. Looking out for them, Basil comes into contact with a rather difficult guest, Mr. Hutchison, who wants to know if the hotel hire TV sets, complains about the peas in his omelette being frozen and not fresh, and wants an ice-bucket for his ginger beer, even wipes out the greasy ear-piece on Basil's telephone. After Sybil listens in on one of his telephone calls though, she soons finds out he works in the spoon trade, and he is not, as Basil thought, a hotel inspector. While Basil plots a revenge on him, he gets talking to another guest, Mr. Walt. Whilst, talking to him, about the wine of all things, he asks if he's in the wine trade. When he says he isn't, he also mentions that he's staying on business, and that he's one of three men, the other two of which are in another hotel. Seeing Mr. Walt as a hotel inspector, he tries to fool him that he and Mr. Hutchison get on, although he has a few problems, however, Mr. Walt does not seem very interested. After getting into a fight with Mr. Hutchison in front of everyone, Basil tries to soften Mr. Walt up with evening dinner. As he says he can't make it, he then tries to bribe him with money not to mention it in the hotel guide. Basil practically begs Mr. Walt that he'll be finished if he says anything, but a confused Mr. Walt claims he has nothing to do with any hotel guide, but works in the outboard motor business. This soon sinks in, anand a relieved Basil enjoys taking his revenge on Mr. Hutchison, by throwing whipped cream pies at him, and pouring cream into his face. While this is going on, three men arrive at reception, unnoticed by Basil. As Mr. Hutchison leaves, Basil proudly goes to the reception, and seeing the three gentlemen, greets them. Suddenly he realises....they are the hotel inspectors, and lets out a scream.


While having dinner with Andre, a friend who owns a restaurant, Basil and Sybil decide to have a gourmet night. Basil meanwhile, is supposed to be taking his car into the garage, but instead, he sneaks round the back of the hotel and attempts to fix it himself. On the gourmet night, only four people attend, Colonel and Mrs. Hall, and Lionel Twitchen and his wife. Things go well, until Polly breaks the news to Basil that after an argument with Manuel, Kurt the chef has got drunk on two and a half bottles of booze. Basil panics, until Polly suggests that he gets Andre to cater. The trouble is, the best he can serve at short notice is duck with orange, duck with cherry and duck surprise. After Basil quickly changes the menus, the guests agree to duck, and after they've ordered, Basil jumps into his car and picks up the dishes from Andre. Unfortunately, just as he is about to serve it, it gets trodden on. He quickly goes round to Andre's restaurant and picks up another one. On his way backs, his car stalls. Basil yells at it to start, and when it won't, he grabs a branch and beats it! When he finally gets back., he prepares to serve it, but as he takes the lid off the dish, he discovers he has picked up the wrong dish - a trifle. After breaking it up to see if there is anything underneath it, he nervously asks who's for trifle. When the Colonel asks about the duck, he feebly replies "Duck's off, sorry."


While Sybil is in hospital for an ingrowing toenail, she hounds Basil about what jobs he has to do, one of which is to get the moose's head up. Just as he leaves, he meets the doctor, who pleases him by telling him that although Sybils operation is minor, it will be quite painful afterwards. That afternoon, Basil finally gets round to the job of putting the moose's head up, when Sybil rings him up from the hospital, to remind him about the job. While he leaves the moose on the desk, and Manuel behind reception, and goes off to get a hammer, the Major goes by, and Manuel starts to talk to him, however Major, who cannot see Manuel, thinks it is the moose talking. No sooner has Basil got it up, than it falls off the wall. The next morning, Basil is due to hold a fire drill, which Sybil rings him up to remind him about. Just before the drill, confusion is caused, when the burglar alarm accidentally goes off. Meanwhile, Manuel, who is preparing some chips, accidentally sets the kitchen alight, just as the fire alarm is rung. When Manuel tries to tell Basil of the fire, Basil doesn't believe him, and tells him it's not fire, it's only bell. Fed up of Manuel shouting "Fire!", he locks him in the kitchen, who then starts banging on the door. When he finally goes in after about a minute, he realises that there really is a fire, but when he has to ring the alarm, he finds someone's lost the key. He quickly smashes the glass and gets everybody out once more. In an attempt to extinguish the fire, he gets knocked out by the chemicals in the fire extinguisher. He finds himself in hospital, in the same ward as Sybil, who orders him to rest. However, he signs himself out, and returns to work at the hotel, where some German guests have arrived. While taking their orders for lunch, Basil, who has got concussion, ends up going on about the war. After upsetting the German women, Basil tries to cheer them up, by doing of all things, his Hitler impersonation. Meanwhile, Polly decides to call in the doctor, who eventually arrives, whilst Basil is arguing with the Germans. Seeing he has a hypodermic needle, he runs off, through the kitchen and through the office, followed by the doctor. As he passes the moose's head, he sees Manuel and thumps him. As he does so, the moose's head fall on Basil and Manuel, and Basil is knocked cold. When the Major comes to the scene, he doesn't notice Manuel, who groans "Oh, he hit me on the head!", to which the Major replies as he slaps the moose's head "No, you hit him on the head! You naughty moose!". Meanwhile, one of the German guests, looking at the sight, asks sadly "However did they win?".


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