All of the below by Chris Marsh with apologies to original artists
with apologies to A Flock of Seagulls
It's Thursday, Friday we have a test
I didn't study so I could do my best
If I flunk this class I might as well die
Sixteen hours to give it one last try
And I crammed
I crammed all night and day
And I crammed
I need to get an A
Need to get an A
Up late, burning the 4 AM oil
Coffee in the pot starts to boil
4 to 6 AM goes by like a flash
Think my system is gonna crash
And I crammed
I crammed all night and day
And I crammed
I couldn't get an A
Couldn't get an A
8 AM, two tests for me to take
The other, for two hours to stay awake
Stayed up all night, kept nothing in my brain
All that pain and still no gain
And I crammed
I crammed all night and day
And I crammed
I didn't get an A
Didn't get an A
with apologies to Queen
Hey there hello heavy metal rocker
Hope your metal goes platinum one day
Turn up the bass, pick up the pace
Scarin' parents all over the place
I will I will mock you, I will I will mock you
Hey there hello progressive singer
Hope we save our world one day
Saving the human race, with a happy face
Making the planet a much better place
I will I will mock you, mock you! I will I will mock you!
Hey there hello one hit wonder
Heard you were really big one day
You had good grace, but you've been replaced
Now you've vanished without a trace
I will I will mock you! I will I will mock you! Yeah yeah I
will I will mock you! I will I will mock you! You just wait!
with apologies to RUSH, Permanent Waves, Mercury/Polygram
There are those who think that
fresh-killed meat is great
Get the tongs and pot holders
Honey, change your supper plans
A highway of dead things
taste as good as chicken wings
all the things drivers cannot avoid
Get the barbeque alight
steak sauce will make it right
eating round here might make you paranoid
You can cook your cattle hide
till its nice and done
others cook up what died
and put it on a bun
Some people don't eat any meat
and probably never will
I will cook up the hill-billy treat
I will chew road kill
There are those who think that
it is lucky to drive into a deer
put it in the pickup truck
it tastes almost like a steer
It cooks pretty much the same
Heat charcoal with lighter flames
Try to keep Red Rover far away
Don't worry about the price of beef
'cause it is such a relief
that something gets run over every day
You can cook your cattle hide
till it is nice and done
Others cook up what died
and put it on a bun
Some people don't eat any meat
and probably never will
I will cook up the hill-billy treat
I will chew road kill
All of us
have a sneaking suspicion
that we ate it once or twice in school
Let's feed it to the men in Moundsville
let them have their fill
They won't do any more crime, as a rule
You can cook your cattle hide
until it is nice and done
Others cook up what died
and put it on a bun
Some people don't eat any meat
and they don't own a grill
with moonshine it is a treat
won't you chew some road kill?
with apologies to RUSH, Moving Pictures, Mercury/Polygram
Fees
Ad on TV: "Need money? So do I! Let's sue somebody! If you got a problem you got a lawyer! If you got money I got a client!"
A modern-day Sheriff Nottingham, with his fees
Big Bill Lawyer, takes what he sees
His initial consultation is exorbitant
His standard of living is elegant
If you want to benefit from his defense
You'd better talk dollars, not cents
Justice pays
What you say about his perfidy
is what gives you anxiety
Win the case, telling lies
Long live money, justice dies
America America the land of the free
Justice for all who can pay the fees
Big Bill Lawyer gets rich off you
Woe to you if you get past due
Yes his services are for rent
but he doesn't tell the government
what his clients have spent
to get the rules all bent
The rules
And what you say about his perfidy
is what makes life an insanity
I'm a lawyer, how do you do
What's your name, who can we sue
America America the home of the brave
Can our long-standing ideals be saved?
Uh oh April fifteen
It's time to pay the tax
but his sister is a CPA
so he can let it go and relax
(suggested end of video, B.B.L. chasing ambulance, pursued by police
car)
with apologies to Metallica, And Justice For All, Elektra/Asylum
Fattened where I bend
Calories ain't my friends
Throwing all I be
into obesity
Death by heart attack
cuz' I have too much fat
Feet sink into the floor
won't see them any more
never
Fat
Calories ain't my friends
Fattened is the end
Heavy is the end
Picture my middle fattened
Increasing my girth
More pounds net worth
I make quite a scene
after a plateful of beans
I need a diet pill
so I won't eat my fill
so fat that I snore
climbing stairs is a chore
heavy
Fat
Calories ain't my friends
Fattened is the end
Heavy is the end
Picture my middle fattened- fattened
Digestion, circulation, respiration, forget two for one
Satiation, indigestion, constipation, it's no fun
Bulging stomach
Acid reflux
Reason can't be denied
Annihilation, heavy nation, I need motivation, forget Super Size
Embolism, thrombus, save us, prevent blood pressure rise
This is a fast track
a highway to death
too many have died
Heaviness is such a waste
Death comes in haste
After far too few years
a human life disappears
Chest tightens with pain
or a vessel bursts in the brain
Family and friends are stunned
Now nothing can be done
forever
Fat
Calories ain't my friends
Fattened leads to the end
Hope this heaviness ends
Fat
So hard to get weight low
Although I know
is it a death very slow?
Picture my middle fattened- fattened
with apologies to Devo
Gotta make it click
Don't start the car
Don't step on the gas
Get out the belt behind your back
When a seat belt comes along
you must click it
Before you move along
you must click it
The police won't like it
if you don't click it
Now click it
Click the belt
Around your waist
Around your shoulder
Now you can go forward
and move ahead
Spare yourself a ticket
It's not too late
to click it
Click it good
When you cart the kids around
you'd better click it
how does a car seat sound?
Gotta click it
None of us is getting outta here
until we all click it
I say click it
Everybody should
I say click it
It'll do you good
Gotta make it click
Don't start the car
Don't step on the gas
Get out the belt behind your back
When a seat belt comes around
you must click it
Before you move along
you must click it
Paramedics don't like it
if you don't click it
Now click it
Click the belt
Around your waist
Around your shoulder
Now you can go forward
and move ahead
Spare yourself a ticket
It's not too late
to click it
Click the belt
Around your waist
Around your shoulder
Now you can go forward
and move ahead
Spare yourself more than a ticket
It's not too late
to click it
It'll do you good
Copyright 1992, 1994, 1998 Christopher Marsh. Last updated: September 19, 1999.