AzN Jokes

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Tommy and his clan of belligerent people wants to thank TK and his Koosh people, Robert Cullingford and his Tickle Me Elmo, Alex B., Michael Becker and his bird imitations, Jeffrey Wharton and his geometry skills, Michael Interdonato and his kilos for a dollar, Matt Jacobs and his mad skills, Chris Gorham and his freaky experiments, Chris Powers, Marc Sandler, Bill Lambe, the Somerset Clan, and all the other Westland people I forgot to mention for helping me think of this web site and its contents.

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AzN Jokes

Aite sup sup? Welcome to AzN Jokes~ Right now there's not much, but i'll beh updating this page k? aite PeaCe...ey these jokes are meant for entertainment purposes only...it's not to offend anyone trust meh...

DISCLAIMER:
The jokes on this page are not expressed by me. Most of the jokes will be offending, but I take no responsibility for offending you. I have removed many jokes that are too offensive, but the rest are still considered stereotypical.

~AzN~ Back

1. You probably have a little urn for relatives that have passed away.
2. You don't have matching bedding.
3. If you're Korean your last name is either Kim, Park, Choi, Shin, or Lee.
4. You don't have matching dishes.
5. At least one person in your family owns or knows how to use a sewing machine.
6. You don't have matching hangers in your closet.
7. If your Vietnamese than your last name is either Nyguen or Tran.
8. You have or have had a fish tank in your living room.
9. You're a price club member.
10. You never really bought a calendar in your life; you always got the free ones with movies stars
11. You've been to 99 ranch market at least once in your life.
12. You're amused when Americans think Chinese fast food is good.
13. If you're Korean then you mayhave two refrigerators.
14. You dilutte your dishwasher soap with water when your running out so it'll last a little longer.
15. You don't really own tupperware, you store food in bowls or pots covered in plastic wrap.
16. If your Vietnamese then uhave a bottle of "nuc mum" (fish sauce) in your refrigerator.
17. You feel awkward when someon asks you to leave your shoes on in their house.
18. If you have a dog, you feedit left over rice with some food instead of real dog food.
19. Someone in your family has a fixed up Honda/Acura.
20. You have something covering your kitchen table to keep it clean.
21. If you're Chinese, you kiss up to relatives when it comes close to new year.
22. You collect and recycle for the extra money.
23. If you're Korean, you have at least one bottle of kim chee in your refrigerator.
24. If your Vietnamese, everyother word is "du ma".
25. You'll spend for name brand clothes but keep condiments from fast food places.
26. You have instant noodles in your house.
27. You can't go more that five days without rice.
28. You've had at least one haircut from your mom or dad.
29. You don't really own a mop, you just use a old t-shirt instead.
30. You hate it when your parents boil Chinese herbs cuz it stinks.
31. If you're Vietnamese, you probably know at least one linda trang dai song.
32. You have lup chung (chinesesausage) in your frig.
33. You have owned the same vacuum cleaner longer than 5 years.
34. You only drink soup from Chinese spoons not American spoons.
35. you work out so hard but still look like the average Asian.
36. You eat spaghetti at home with chopsticks.
37. If your Chinese, you've probably seen "goo wak jai".
38. You like Jacky Cheung.
39. You have at least one relative who lives within an hour drive.
40. You'll forward this to all your Asian friends.
51. Your mother has a short-haired, curly perm.
52. Your dad is some sort of engineer.
53. Your parents have tried to get you into places half-price saying you were 12 when you were really 15.
54. You ask your parents help on one math problem and 2 hours later they're still lecturing.
55. You have a 40 lb. bag of rice in your pantry.
56. You shop 99 Ranch Market.
57. Everyone thinks you're "Chinese" no matter what part of Asia your ancestors were from.
58. You've had a bowl haircut at one point in your life.
59. Your parents enjoy comparing you to their friends' kids.
60. Your parents say, "Don't forget your heritage."
61. You drive mostly Japanese cars.
62. You've learned to keep bargaining even if the prices are rock bottom.
63. You've had to eat parts of animals they don't even put in hot dogs.
64. At least once, you've started a joke with "Confucius say . . . "
65. You know what bok choy is.
66. You've ever gotten little red envelopes around February.
67. Piles of shoes tend to make it hard to open the front, back and closet doors.
68. You hear (your name + eee(optional) + yah!) every time someone calls you.(e.g., Jean- ee - yah! or Mary- yah!).
69. You have NO eyelashes.
70. Idiot people try to impress you with pathetic imitation Asian languages, like the ever-so-popular: ching chong chong
71. Your parents say leaving rice in your bowl is a sin.
72. The Bio lectures on marine life(seaweed, sea cucumbers,octopii) was last night's dinner.
73. Your ancestors 1000 generations back invented the back scratcher.
74. At least one family member wearsblack wire/plastic frame glasses.
75. Your parents hover over your tired, caffeine-drugged body at 12 midnight to say, "In Korea (or other native country), we studied even more."
76. Your parents expect you'll be bestfriends with anyone off the street in any given area as long as they are Asian.
77. Your relatives' houses smell like incense, mothballs or both.
78. Your parents say,"Calculus? I took calculus in 8th grade!!"
79. Everyone thinks you're good at math.
80. Your parents' vocabulary is filled with "Ai-yahs and Wah's".
81. You like $1.75 movies.
82. You like $1.50 movies even more.
83. Your aunts and uncles bring you back adorable clothing from Asia with fuzzy bunnies, vinyl ducks and English words thatmake no sense, in great colors like yellow, pink, magenta, orange and the ever popularlime green.
84. Your parents insist you marry within your race.
85. You never order chop suey, sweet and sour pork, or any other imitation oriental food.
86. You either really, really want to go to UCI or really, really want to stay away from it.
87. Your parents have never kissed you.
88. Your parents have never kissed each other.
89. You learned about the birds and the bees from someone other than your parents.
90. "You want a stereo!" When I was your age, I didn't even have shoes!!"
91. People see a bunch of scribbles on a chopstick and ask you to translate.
92. You have to call just about all your parent's friends "Auntie and Uncle."
93. You have 12+ aunts and uncles.
94. At expensive restaurants, you order a delicious glass of water for your beverage and NEVER order dessert.
95. Your parents simply cut thegreen/black part off the bread and say "Eat it anyway. It's still good."
96. The vast majority of the people related to you wear glasses. Thick glasses.
97. You're taller than your parents.
98. Your parents have either made you play the piano, the violin or both.
99. You get nothing if you do well in school, but crapped on if you don't.
100. When going to other peoples' houses, you always have to bring a gift.
101. Your dad still pulls his socks upto his knees, you know, the ones with the blue and pink stripes at the top.
102. Your family owns a tennis racquet, golf clubs, or both.
103. Your family always cheers for the Asian athlete on TV (i.e., Michael Chang)
104. The furniture in your house never matches the wallpaper, the carpet, the decorations or any of the rest of the furniture.
105. You have rocks, sticks, leaves and strange-smelling, unknown substances in your pantry for use as medicine.
106. You own two rice cooker (one thatworks and the other you're father swears, for the past ten years, is repairable and should not be thrown away)
107. You buy soy sauce by the gallon.
108. Your family owns butcher knives bigger than your head.
109. Your parents tell you about how long it took for them to get to school, how horrible the weather was in their native country, and how much they still appreciated going.
110. Your parents buy you clothes andshoes many sizes too big so you can "grow into it" and wear it for years tocome."
111. Your parents ask your teachers to give you more homework.
112. Your friends swear they saw you on Public television playing violin at a recital.
113. Your living room has a painted mirrored surface.

~Chinese~ Back

1. Currently there are no chinese jokes

~Viet~ Back

1. You look younger than you really are.
2. You're racist.
3. Your parents are scared of anyone that is black.
4. Your parents dog on Mexicans.
5. You know you're superior to other Asians.
6. Your parents think you're 12 when you're really 18.
7. You hate Filipinos.
8. You beat any Filipino down if you see them stare you down.
9. Guys: you sit on your butt all day.
10. Girls: you do everything while your man sits on his butt.
11. Guys: you have a nice variety of white and black shirts, blue and black jeans and slacks.
12. You cuss out anyone in Vietnamese that gets you pissed off.
13. Your parents think you're the worst kid.
14. Your parents compare you to 4.5 nerds and call you stupid.
15. You watch Vietnamese translated movies that are 30 tapes long.
16. You listen to New-wave, Techno, Rap, Slowjams, and/or Eurodance.
17. You show your Viet-pride to the fullest.
18. You go to Little Saigon once in a while or every weekend or everyday!
19. You always go to Phuoc Loc Tho where you head straight into that Asian Collection music store.
20. You always go eat PHO at pho hoa hiep or pho hoa how lao.
21. There's Chinese in your family line somewhere.
22. You live in Oakland, San Jo, or somewhere in the East.
23. You get along with other vietnamese even though they are total F.O.B.'s.
24. You're down for your crap.
25. You're loyal to ALL your friends.
26. You don't own an American car.
27. Girls: You hate all F.O.B.'s that go "Hey, babee, you cute. Can I hab yo fone numba?"
28. Guys: You enjoy getting slapped by the girls you try to mack on. Hey, at least she touched you.
29. You are the bomb at pool.
30. You like to wear Nike, Addidas, Polo, Tommy, or Nautica. If you're an F.O.B., you wear Calvin Klein and Guess.
31. You are always updated with the Asian style.
32. Guys: You either have high spikes or slicked small bangs combed back.
33. You highlight your hair.
34. You buy Levi's 501s and you slit the sides.
35. You played the piano once in your life.
36. You take 2 or more showers a day.
37. Your parents always boast about you to all the other Vietnamese parents, or your parents totally dogg on how stupid you are to other Vietnamese parents.
38. After you come from the beach with a tan, they say that you look Cambodian.
39. No matter what you are, people think your Chinese or Korean.
40. Anybody will ask you to say something in Vietnamese. After you told them hello and how are you doing in Vietnamese, they ask about the cuss words.
41. Your parents can only help you with the math assignments and no other subjects.
42. You like Duran.
43. When you get detention or demirits from school, your parents think that you are a rebel.
44. When your parents see that you get bad grades, they start lecturing about how they went through hell in school in Vietnam. They would say that they would have gotten whooped in the butt.
45. Your parents always compare Vietnam and America.
46. When you are feeling ill, your parents think you're on drugs.
47. Your parents have the whole collection of Paris By Night.
48. Your parents always criticize you, criticize others, and criticize each other.
49. Guys: You love Acura Integras and 4-Runners.
50. Your parents want you to be better than everyone else.
51. Guys: you, one time in your life, had the regulation bowl cut.
52. You ate 4 bowls of rice, then five minutes after, your parents ask you if you want to eat 4 more bowls.
53. Your aunts always have a fro hair cut.
54. Your parents always compare you to those big buff white peeps.
55. In your house, there's always multiple pictures of your family and you when you were small, side by side in every room.
56. You have the last name or are related to someone who has the last name: Nguyen.
57. Guys: You only go for only cute Asian girls.
58. Girls: You went out with or liked someone named Minh.
59. Your dad wears glasses and always has the good ol' hair combed to the side.
60. You only buy products made in Japan.
61. Your parents always remind you to greet every older person in Vietnamese if they're Vietnamese.
62. You always have pounds of rice around the house.
63. Your parents hate pets except for harmless, CHEAP goldfishes.
64. Your parents are attracted to the English words of: "99 cents" or "FREE."
65. You collect all the coupons you can find.
66. Your grandparents always give you money.
67. Your parents know how to make Pho.
68. You're taller than your parents.
69. You have a computer.
70. Your parents only watch TV when the Little Saigon Television is on.
71. You put Soy Sauce on every food.
72. You enjoy Karaoke and/or you have the machine at home.
73. You can't date until your 60.
74. Your parents make you get married with only Vietnamese people.
75. You like playing volleyball.

*Young Gangster* Back

1. Your car is suite up with a loud system.
2. Wears a Buddha bracelet on wrist.
3. Start smoking cigarettes by the age of 13.
4. Wear some really baggy pants with a white logo T-shirt.
5. Have either the typical Asian haircut with long dyed bangs or some slicked back hair.
6. Still trying to lose virginity to some clueless babe.
7. Kiss up to older gang members to increase rank.
8. Show off guns and drugs to ur friends.
9. You go around the neigborhood showin off ur car.

*Adult Gangster* Back

1. Sport a lot of gold jewelry to show off.
2. Wear nice tight pants, with HK-Style See-Through Shirts.
3. Been Smoking for at least 10 years.
4. Still trying to lose virginity to some clueless babe.
5. Tell stories about glorious past to younger gangsters.
6. Treat the teenagers good so they can introduce you to young virgin girls.
7. Living at home with parents, still!
8. Slick back hair, or just regular Asian haircut.
9. Show off with guns and drugs which actually belong to someone else.
10. Hang out in gambling dens and massage parlors, but never do anything but watch the other people.
11. Put on alot of weight and no muscles or soggy muscles.

*Gangsta Leada* Back

1. Sport A LOT of Jewelry! Expensive shades, expensive EVERYTHING!
2. Wear nice pants like construction workers, or wear some Italian suits like REAL businessmen.
3. Probably quit smoking cause you think you got lung cancer.
4. Still trying to lose virginity to some clueless babe.
5. Never really appear in public so your followers think you are always doing something secretive.
6. Spiky hair, or real old style '70s '80s cut.
7. When asked for stuff or money, always reply Later, it's not the right time."
8. Own the gambling dens and massage parlors, but the only customers are own gang members/followers.
9. Real quiet and sneaky around other people.

*Kewl Azn* Back

1. You carry a pager in your right pocket, flipped inward, whether its activated or not.
2. Your bangs are either long enough for you to touch with your tongue, or your hair is gelled up in spikes hard enough to impale small mammals.
3. You're so caught up in name brand shit, your pocket lint is labeled Calvin Klein.
4. Your vocabulary consists of "pimp, mack, wack" and as much as you can remember from the ebonics dictionary.
5. You go to asian parties, and you can't find your car since it looks like every other civic or integra.
6. Your screen name consists of Azn, and every word in the profile is written in alternating lower case/capital letters.
7. You can never address a friend without calling them "foo."
8. You use the letter "z" in every other word when chatting.
9. Your girlfriend has enough make-up to be accepted into Clown College.
10. You never fit that old asian stereotype of "all yellow skinned slant eyes are smart."
11. You enter chatrooms with "representin Westsiiiiiiide," or "any foin ladees in da house?"
12. You pick up chicks who wear shoes 2 inches away from stilts. (see #9)
13. You call people "peepz" since two syllables is too complex for you.
14. You don't know the names of cities; only area codes.
15. Instead of getting real education, you learn a plethora of nonsensical pager codes. (for god sakes, buy a message pager...if you even need one.)
16. You've never heard of any other sporting wear then Nike. (Reebok? What's that?)
17. You can't buy a shirt unless it's priced over $ 50 and has a collossal sized Polo label.
18. You're not a basketball player; you're a baller.
19. You've never bought a pair of pants that were less than 5 sizes bigger than your real waist.
20. You're an exact carbon-copy of your friends. (for their traits, see 1-19)
21. You claim asian pride wherever you go 22.
23. Dye your hair...reddish brown for best results (but then again, blonde turns out to be reddish-brown anyway)
24. You must drive an Acura Integra or Honda Civic (stick shift for tha fellows--it's a testosterone thang)
25. Never wear glasses out of class--only FOBS can do so (colored contacts are required)
27. Girls, wear dark lipstick (the browner the cooler--no matter if you end up lookin like you stuffed your face in chocolate)
28. To achieve the NATURAL look, apply layers and layers of make-up on...if it starts to look unnatural (heaven forbid) just apply another layer.
29. Curl your eyelashes till they touch your eyelids.
30. Never be caught dead in a group of less than 10.
32. Only associate w/ fellow yellows.
33. When you want to speak about a non-Asian infront of their face, speak your own language very loudly and rudely.
34. Interpret every little thing as a racial issue.
35. Never be on time when meeting friends.
38. A pager is a life necessity. (Or a cell phone...or both)
39. Only wear clothes in the exciting shades of black and white (occasionally cream, brown, gray allowed)
40. Girls must stare at each other more than guys stare at them.
42. Always dress like you're goin to a party...even when your goin to Walmart.
43. Hang out in coffee shops when there's nothin to do.
44. Girls must be masters of Bust-a-move
45. Guys must be masters of Killer Instinct or Mortal Kombat III
47. Make every event a social one--church, school, funerals...!
48. Guys are not allowed to leave the mall w/out at least one set of digits...that means a phone number for you morons who didn't know.
49. Girls--dress skimpy on a cold day so that a guy has to lend you his coat.
50. Guys must wear their choice of: Eternity, Escape, Cool Water.
52. Always change your pager greeting at least 3 times a day...sometimes add cheesy music for the full 30 seconds to piss the caller off
53. Carry at least 1000 pictures around w/ you wherever you go--pictures only of Asians of course...
54. Take pictures everywhere you go...even in your own driveway Guys--always look ruff & all hard-core, lifting your chin up to the lens Girls--fake smile, or no smile.
55. Guys--never say hi verbally back to a girl...either lift one eyebrow, nod your chin (very cocky), or wink (the most annoying one)
56. Fit 9 people in a car, when the limit is 5.
57. Wear a jade necklace, even if your not into Buddha.
58. There must be a stringy, Oriental-looking ornament dangling from the mirror of your suite-up car.
59. Girls--be abnormally obssessed w/ Sanrio (Keroppe, Hello Kitty, Pochacco, Pekkle, etc...)
61. Wear clothes of two colors: your choice of black or white (sometimes gray, brown, & cream are O.K.)
62. Own an alphanumeric pager with a built in answering machine.
63. Own a cellular phone with a built in answering machine and Caller ID.
65. Speak only Asian languages.
66. Dress as though you're headed for a party when you're actually going to class.
67. If you're a girl, be sure to stuff your bra.
68. If you're a guy, be sure to suite up your Acura Integra.
70. Travel only in groups of ten and above to parties or the mall.
71. Go to all the cool Asian "intercollegiate parties!"
72. Refuse to dance to anything but techno music.
73. Whenever in groups of ten or more Asians, stare menacingly at all other Asians.
74. Dance in circles at all parties and clubs.
75. If you're a guy, be sure to cop cheap feels of girls you like!
76. If you're a girl, be sure to run your fingers through your hair each time you see a hot guy!
77. Wear only designer labels (Especially Nautica, Armani Exchange, & Ralph Lauren)
78. Make sure designer labels are extremely visible. Better yet, make sure that the make is emblazoned on the front of the apparel
79. Own a pair of Doc Martens.
80. Be very good at pool. Own a cue stick if you can, even if you know nothing about them.
81. Make sure your parents are doctors, or better yet, grocery store owners.
82. Believe in barn jackets, J. Crew, Nautica, or Polo Sport.
83. Make sure you install every possible option you can in your Acura, Honda, Lexus, Infiniti, or Mercedes.
84. If you're a girl, live, breathe and DIE Sanrio. Sanrio clothes, purses, pencil cases, tattoos, etc. No coolness points go to you if you're a guy, though. (Possible exception being Badzmaru, the new Sanrio crow character which doesn't smile.)
85. Own a Honda, Acura, Infiniti, Lexus, or Mercedes.
86. Date only someone that friend of yours has already dated.
87. Be an officer in the ASU/KSA/CSA of your respective school.
89. Use church as a social ground to meet potential dates.
90. If you're a guy, make sure you have the TAF (Typical Asian Fade) and double the coolness points if you use enough mousse to wipe out the ozone over Greenland.
91. If you're a girl, make sure your hair is colored with tinges of brown or red for optimal coolness.
92. Two words: Manhattan Portage.
94. If you're a girl, don't be embarassed about your small chest. Instead, make sure that its size is inversely related to the amount of makeup on your face.
95. If you're a girl, weigh no more than 75 lbs.
96. If you're a Korean girl, have eye surgery done so you can look like a goldfish.
97. Date only the people from your own clique, or even "a cooler one!"
98. If you're in a group of ten or more friends, stare menacingly at all interracial couples you see.
100. If you're a girl... well, Asian men never date interracially anyway.
101. There must be a stringy-oriental looking ornament hanging from the mirror of your suite up car.
102. Never be on time when meeting your friends or going to parties.
103. If you're a girl, wear a jade necklace or a gold one with "fu" meaning luck on it.
106. If you're a guy, your wallet has to be a designer brand and leather. For girls, same or a Sanrio one.
108. Girls, wear dark lipstick. Red and brown only.
109. To achieve the natural look, apply layers and layers of make-up. If it starts to look unnatural (heaven forbid), add another layer.
111. Have a sports car that is lowered that it scrapes the road when you drive it.
112. Never carry any cash on you...believe in credit cards, especially when they belong to others.
114. Make sure you talk to all your Asian-American friends about how traditional you are in spite of being born in Mississipi or something and then make fun of FOBs!
115. Join a corney Vietnamese gang and get the same haircut, the same baggy jeans, and wear a white T-shirt. Curse in Vietnamese all day.
116. Join a corney Korean gang and get the same haircut,the same baggy jeans, and wear a white T-shirt. Curse in Korean all day.
117. Join a corney Chinese gang and get the same haircut, the same baggy jeans, and wear a white T-shirt. Curse in Chinese all day.
119. Drag your heels when you walk.
121. Guys: always laugh in a high pitched voice.
122. Girls: say like, "um", "and stuff" alot.
123. ALWAYS represent ASIAN PRIDE \x/orldwide!!!!!!!