Favorite Posts to the Rebop Discussion Forum
Rebop Discussion Forum
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE, A WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
--posted by jal
A Woman Should Have...
...one old love she can imagine going back to... and one who reminds her how far she has come...
...enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own even if she never wants to or needs to...
...something perfect to wear if the employer or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour...
...a youth she's content to leave behind...
...a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age...
...a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra...
...one friend who always makes her laugh... and one who lets her cry...
...a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family...
...eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal that will make her guests feel honored..
...a feeling of control over her destiny...
Every Woman Should Know...
...how to fall in love without losing herself...
...how to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship...
...when to try harder... and when to walk away...
...that she can't change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents...
...that her childhood may not have been perfect... but its over...
...what she would and wouldn't do for love or more...
...how to live alone... even if she doesn't like it...
...whom she can trust, whom she can't, and why she shouldn't take it personally...
..where to go... be it to her best friend's kitchen table... or a charming inn in the woods...when her soul needs soothing...
...what she can and can't accomplish in a day... a month...and a year...
STORY TIME
--by Grape
I have unfortunatly got enough "challenges" that 6 or so years ago I inquired about getting a dog to help me. BTW< I was just loving the thread awhile back about working dogs. You all were having a marvelous chat about all kinds of working dogs while I was in Az.
Anyway, I have a very noble, proud and incredible working dog, 'Z' we'll call her. My dalmation Riki and I had been going to nursing homes doing pet therapy when the human supervisor heard that I was interested in getting a Service or Assisstance dog.Considering there is a 4-6 years waiting list, or was then, for an already trained dog from one of the schools around the country, and they have strick rules, including ones about other pets in the husehold, this kind supervisor offered an alternative. She said she would pick out a dog and help train her.
This was overwhelmingly generous. In my excitement I accepted. The nice woman found me a miraculous dog from the pound. Mother was lab/shep and daddy was Rhodesian Ridgeback(which at the time I had never heard of). My new baby was kinda funny looking and had exotic markings. Her eyes were HAZEL and went deep into her soul, she was a trippy pup! The trainerlady initially gave Z some remarkable training considering how young Z was. But as in all things that can be too good to be true, we lost this kind lady and her training and Z and I were on our own at 4 months old.
If you ever met my sweet dalmation tho , you would know I knew nothing about dog training. I immediately read every training book I could find and accessed everything source possible and Z and I did real well. Her biggest jobs, beside acting perfect in all public situations, were picking things up off the ground , carrying things for me and she could put things in 4 or 5 places. In my hand, at my feet, in the wastebasket, in the laundry, or in someone else's hand.Actually, I taught her "put it here" for all the rest of the places. In what I wanted to be the utmost of lazy dogownership, I rigged the back door so she could open it , let herself out and close it behind her. this way she could go out in the fenced-in backyard anytime she wanted to.
Funny story, 2 years later when the now husband moved in, he brought his strictly indoor cat with him. Z kept opening the back door, letting the cat out and closing the door behind him!(and looking quite satisfied).
Great dog!
INSTALLING LOVE
--posted by Tweety
Customer Service Rep (CS Rep): Yes, Ma'am, how can I help you today?
Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install love. Can you guide me through the process?
CS Rep: Yes, I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?
Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready to install now. What do I do first?
CS Rep: The first step is to open your HEART. Have you located your HEART ma'am?
Customer: Yes I have, but there are several other programs running right now. Is it okay to install while they are running?
CS Rep: What programs are running ma'am?
Customer: Let's see, I have PAST-HURT.EXE, LOW-ESTEEM.EXE, GRUDGE.EXE, and RESENTMENT.COM running right now.
CS Rep: No problem. LOVE will gradually erase PAST-HURT.EXE from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programs. LOVE will eventually overwrite LOW-ESTEEM.EXE with a module of its own called HIGH-ESTEEM.EXE. However, you have to completely turn off GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM. Those programs prevent LOVE from being properly installed. Can you turn those off ma'am?
Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?
CS Rep: My pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invoke FORGIVENESS.EXE. Do this as many times as necessary until GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM have been completely erased.
Customer: Okay, done. LOVE has started installing itself automatically. Is that normal?
CS Rep: Yes. You should receive a message that says it will reinstall for the life of your HEART. Do you see that message?
Customer: Yes I do. Is it completely installed?
CS Rep: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other HEART's in order to get the upgrades.
Customer: Oops. I have an error message already. What should I do?
CS Rep: What does the message say?
Customer: It says "ERROR 412 - PROGRAM NOT RUN ON INTERNAL COMPONENTS." What does that mean?
CS Rep: Don't worry ma'am, that's a common problem. It means that the LOVE program is set up to run on external HEARTS but has not yet been run on your HEART. It is one of those complicated programming things, but in non-technical terms it means you have to "LOVE" your own machine before it can "LOVE" others.
Customer: So what should I do?
CS Rep: Can you pull down the directory called "SELF-ACCEPTANCE"?
Customer: Yes, I have it.
CS Rep: Excellent. You're getting good at this.
Customer: Thank you.
CS Rep: You're welcome. Click on the following files and then copy them to the "MYHEART" directory: FORGIVE-SELF.DOC, REALIZE-WORTH.TXT, and ACKNOWLEDGE-LIMITATIONS.DOC. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching any faulty programming. Also, you need to delete VERBOSE-SELF-CRITIC.EXE from all directories, and then empty your recycle bin afterwards to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.
Customer: Got it. Hey! My HEART is filling up with new files. SMILE. MPG is playing on my monitor right now and it shows that PEACE.EXE, and CONTENTMENT.COM are copying themselves all over my HEART. Is this normal?
CS Rep: Sometimes. For others it takes a while, but eventually everything gets downloaded at the proper time. So, LOVE is installed and running. You should be able to handle it from here. One more thing before I go . . .
Customer: Yes?
CS Rep: LOVE is freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everybody you meet. They will in turn share it with other people and they will return some similarly cool modules back to you.
Customer: I will. Thanks for your help. By the way, what's your name?
CS Rep: You can call me the Divine Cardiologist, also known as The Great Physician, but most call me God. Most people feel all they need is an annual check-up to stay heart-healthy, but the manufacturer (Me) suggests a schedule of daily maintenance for maximum efficiency. Put another way, keep in touch.
RANDOM QUOTES
--posted by jal
The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter,taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work and then they get elected and prove it.
- P.J. O'Rourke
I have been thinking that I would make a proposition to my Republican friends...that if they will stop telling lies about the Democrats, we will stop telling the truth about them.
- Adlai E. Stevenson Jr. (1900-1965)
The trouble with born-again Christians is that they are an even bigger pain the second time around.
- Herb Caen
The government of the United States is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion.
- George Washington
I never told my religion nor scrutinize that of another. I never attempted to make a convert nor wished to change another's creed. I have judged of others' religion by their lives, for it is from our lives and not from our words that our religion must be read. By the same test must the world judge me.
- Thomas Jefferson (1743 - 1826)
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
- Jeff Raskin, interviewed in Doctor Dobb's Journal
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happen if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
- Steven Wright
30 YEARS MAKES A DIFFERENCE!
--posted by MsB
1970: Long Hair
2000: Longing for hair
1970: Keg
2000: EKG
1970: Acid Rock
2000: Acid Reflux.
1970: Moving to California because it's cool
2000: Moving to California because it's warm
1970: Growing pot
2000 Growing a pot belly
1970: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your parents
2000: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your children
1970: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor
2000: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor
1970: Seeds and stems
2000: Roughage
1970: Popping pills, smoking joints
2000: Popping joints
1970: Our president's struggle with Fidel
2000: Our president's struggle with fidelity
1970: Paar
2000: AARP
1970: Killer weed
2000: Weed killer
1970: Hoping for a BMW
2000: Hoping for a BM
1970: Getting out to a new, hip joint
2000: Getting a new hip joint
1970: Rolling Stones
2000: Kidney stones
1970: Screw the system!
2000: Upgrade the system
1970: Peace sign
2000: Mercedes logo
1970: Parents begging you to get your hair cut
2000: Children begging you to get their heads shaved
1970: Take acid
2000: Take antacid
1970: Passing the driver's test
2000: Passing the vision test
1970: Whatever
2000: Depends
EMOTICONS
--posted by MsB
Emoticons and....
We all know those cute little computer symbols called "emoticons," where :)
means
a smile and :( is a frown. Sometimes these are represented by :-) and :-(
respectively. Well, how about some "assicons"?
>> > >> Here goes:
>> > >> (_!_) a regular ass
>> > >>
>> > >> (__!__) a fat ass
>> > >>
>> > >> (!) a tight ass
>> > >>
>> > >> (_._) a flat ass
>> > >>
>> > >> (_^_) a bubble ass
>> > >>
>> > >> (_*_) a sore ass
>> > >>
>> > >> (_!__) a lop-sided ass >
>> > >>
>> > >> {_!_} a swishy ass
>> > >>
>> > >> (_o_) an ass that's been around >
>> > >>
>> > >> (_O_) an ass that's been around even more >
>> > >>
>> > >> (_x_) kiss my ass
>> > >>
>> > >> (_X_) leave my ass alone >
>> > >>
>> > >> (_zzz_) a tired ass
>> > >>
>> > >> (_o^o_) a wise ass
>> > >>
>> > >> (_13_) an unlucky ass >
>> > >>
>> > >> (_$_) Money coming out of his ass >
>> > >>
>> > >> (_?_) Dumb Ass
DON'T LIE TO YOUR MOTHER
--posted by Tweety
John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful John's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between John and his roommate and this only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Julie and I are just roommates."
About a week later, Julie came to John and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"
John said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just be sure."
So he sat down and wrote:
"Dear Mother,
I'm not saying you 'did' take the ladle from my house, and I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were
here for dinner.
Love,
John"
Several days later, John received a letter from his mother, which read:
"Dear Son,
I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Julie, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Julie. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now.
Love,
Mom"
The Lesson of the Day ----- Don't lie to your mother.
Some great Bushisms......
--posted by mel
Here are a few, in chronological order, as well as a link to The Complete Bushisms
"Those of us who spent time in the agricultural sector and in the heartland, we understand how unfair the death penalty is."—Omaha, Neb., Feb. 28, 2001
"My pan plays down an unprecedented amount of our national debt."—Budget address to Congress, Feb. 27, 2001
"The budget caps were busted, mightily so. And we are reviewing with people like Judd Gregg from New Hampshire and others some budgetary reform measures that will reinstate—you know, possibly reinstate budgetary discipline. But the caps no longer—the caps, I guess they're there. But they didn't mean much."—Washington, D.C., Feb. 5, 2001 (Thanks to Ehren Meditz)
"I have said that the sanction regime is like Swiss cheese—that meant that they weren't very effective."—White House press conference, Washington, D.C., Feb. 22, 2001
"You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test.''—Townsend, Tenn., Feb. 21, 2001
"Home is important. It's important to have a home."—Crawford, Texas, Feb. 18, 2001
"One reason I like to highlight reading is, reading is the beginnings of the ability to be a good student. And if you can't read, it's going to be hard to realize dreams; it's going to be hard to go to college. So when your teachers say, read—you ought to listen to her."—Nalle Elementary School, Washington, D.C., Feb 9, 2001
"It's good to see so many friends here in the Rose Garden. This is our first event in this beautiful spot, and it's appropriate we talk about policy that will affect people's lives in a positive way in such a beautiful, beautiful part of our national—really, our national park system, my guess is you would want to call it."—Washington, D.C., Feb. 8, 2001
"We're concerned about AIDS inside our White House—make no mistake about it."—Washington, D.C., Feb. 7, 2001
"I appreciate that question because I, in the state of Texas, had heard a lot of discussion about a faith-based initiative eroding the important bridge between church and state."—Question and answer session with the press, Jan. 29, 2001 (Thanks to Tim Santry.)
The Complete Bushisms
I BELIEVE....
"I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge-
That myth is more potent than history.
I believe that dreams are more powerful than facts-
That hope always triumphs over experience-
That laughter is the only cure for grief.
And I believe that love is stronger than death."
-- Anonymous
"You gotta dance like nobody's watching,
dream like you will live forever,
live like your going to die tomorrow
and love like it's never going to hurt"
- Meme Grifsters
I'VE LEARNED
I've learned.... that the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.
I've learned.... that when you're in love, it shows.
I've learned.... that just one person saying to me, "You've made my day!" makes my day.
I've learned.... that having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.
I've learned.... that being kind is more important than being right.
I've learned.... that you should never say no to a gift from a child.
I've learned.... that I can always pray for someone when I don't have the strength to help him or her in some other way.
I've learned.... that no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.
I've learned.... that sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.
I've learned....that simple walks and fishing trips with my father summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.
I've learned.... that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
I've learned.... that we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.
I've learned.... that money doesn't buy class or respect.
I've learned.... that it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.
I've learned.... that under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.
I've learned.... that the Lord didn't do it all in one day. What makes me think I can?
I've learned.... that to ignore the facts does not change the facts.
I've learned.... that when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.
I've learned.... that love, not time, heals all wounds.
I've learned.... that the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.
I've learned.... that everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.
I've learned.... that there's nothing sweeter than sleeping with your babies and feeling their breath on your cheeks.
I've learned.... that no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.
I've learned....that life is tough, but I'm tougher.
I've learned.... that opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.
I've learned.... that when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.
I've learned.... that I wish I could have told my Grandmohter that I loved her one more time before she passed away.
I've learned....that you should never jump off a diving board when wearing a bikini.
I've learned.... that I should keep my words both soft and tender, because tomorrow I may have to eat them.
I've learned.... that a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.
I've learned.... that I can't choose how I feel, but I can choose what I do
about it.
I've learned.... that when a newly born grandchild holds their grandmothers little finger in his little fist it stays in her heart for the rest of her life.
I've learned.... that everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.
I've learned... to tell my family I love them every opportunity that I have, because I don't know when or if I will ever have that opportunity again.
I've learned.. that the adoselscent the heart-to-heart talks with my Mother are my most precious memories that I rely on to help guide my children.
I've learned.... that I should have taken every opportunity to learn the wisdom of my Grandfather before he left the earth.
I've learned... that time is just too precious to miss by rushing and getting stressed out over the day to day worries that nobody will remember tomorrow or next month.
I've learned.... that it is best to give advice in only two circumstances; when it is requested and when it is a life-threatening situation.
I've learned.... that the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done
I've learned... that self-reflection, not self-criticism, creates a heart filled with the courage to face the future.
I've learned... that God has a plan for me that includes every moment of my existense, and that I need to take the time to slow down to experience life as He would have me live it.
REAL FRIENDS
--posted by Tweety
"Real friends are those who, when you feel you've made a fool of yourself, don't feel you've done a permanent job."
"Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side."
"I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to."
"Lead your life so you won't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip."
"Life is 10% of what happens to you, and 90% of how you respond to it."
"Life is like an onion; you peel off one layer at a time and sometimes you weep."
"Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself."
FRIENDS
--posted by Tweety
"If you live to
be a hundred, I want to
live to be a hundred minus
one day, so I never have
to live without you."'
-- Winnie the Pooh
"True friendship
is like sound health;
the value of it is seldom known
until it is lost."
---Charles Caleb Colton
"A real friend
is one who walks in
when the rest
of the world walks out."
"Don't walk in
front of me, I may not
follow. Don't walk behind me,
I may not lead. Walk
beside me and
be my friend."
--- Albert Camus
"Strangers are
just friends waiting to
happen."
"Friends are the
Bacon Bits in the Salad
Bowl of Life."
"Friendship is
one mind in two bodies."
--- Mencius
"Friends are
God's way of taking care of us."
"If you should
die before me, ask if you
could bring a friend."
---Stone Temple Pilots
"I'll lean on
you and you lean on me and
we'll be okay."
---Dave Matthews Band
"If all my
friends were to jump off a
bridge, I wouldn't
jump with them,
I'd be at the bottom to
catch them"
"Everyone hears
what you say.
Friends listen
to what you say.
Best friends
listen to what you don't
say."
"We all take
different paths in life,
but no matter where we go, we take
a little of each other
everywhere"
--- Tim McGraw
"My father
always used to say that
when you die, if you've got five real
friends, then you've had a great life."
---Lee Iacocca
"Hold a true friend with both your
hands."
---Nigerian Proverb
"A friend is
someone who knows the song
in your heart and can sing it
back to you when you
have forgotten the words."
---unknown
Things I wish I'd known before I went out in the real world...
1. Any and all compliments can be handled by simply
> > saying "Thank you" though it helps if you say it
> > with a Southern accent.
> >
> > 2. Some people are working backstage, some are
> > playing in the orchestra, some are on-stage singing,
> > some are in the audience as critics and some are
> > there to applaud. Know who and where you are.
> >
> > 3. Never give yourself a haircut after three
> > margaritas.
> >
> > 4. When baking, follow directions. When cooking, go
> > by your own taste.
> >
> > 5. Never continue dating anyone who is rude to the
> > waiter.
> >
> > 7. You need only two tools. WD-40 and duct tape. If
> > it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it
> > moves and shouldn't, use the tape.
> > 8. If you tell a lie, don't believe it deceives only
> > the other person.
> >
> > 9. The five most essential words for a healthy,
> > vital relationship: "I apologize" and "You are
> > right".
> >
> > 10. Everyone seems normal until you get to know
> > them.
> >
> > 11. When you make a mistake, make amends
> > immediately. It's easier to eat crow while it's
> > still warm.
> >
> > 12. The only really good advice that I remember my
> > mother ever gave me was "Go! You might meet
> > somebody!"
> >
> > 13. If she says that you are too good for
> > him-believe her.
> >
> > 14. I've learned to pick my battles; I ask myself,
> > Will this matter one year from now? How about one
> > month? One week? One day?
> >
15. At hard times I ask myself, "How do I feel? What
> > do I want?" I use it whenever I'm at loss for words
> > or thoughts.
> >
> > 16. Never pass up an opportunity to pee.
> >
> > 17. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You
> > have another chance!
> >
> > 18. If you move far from your family when you're
> > young, consider choosing a career with an airline.
> > Your need to see your family will last a lifetime,
> > as will your travel benefits.
> >
> > 19. Living well really is the best revenge. Being
> > miserable because of, a bad or former relationship
> > just proves that the other person was right about
> > you.
> >
> > 20. Be really nice to your friends because you never
> > know when you are going to need them to empty your
> > bed urinal and hold your hand.
> >
21. Work is good but it's not that important.
> >
> > 22. Never underestimate the kindness of your fellow
> > man.
> >
> > 23. And finally ... Being happy doesn't mean
> > everything's perfect, it just means you've decided
> > to see beyond the imperfections.
WHAT IS A POLITICS?
--posted by grape
A little boy goes to his Dad and asks, "What is politics?"
Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it to you this way....I'm the
breadwinner of the family, so let's call me 'Capitalism'. Your Mom, she's
the administrator of the household, so we'll call her the 'Government'.
We're here to take care of YOUR needs, so we'll call you 'The People'.
The nanny, well, she works hard all day for very little money, so we'll
consider her 'The Working Class'. And, your baby brother...we'll call him
'The Future'. Now think about that and see if it makes sense."
So, the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what his Dad had said.
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he goets up to
check on him. He find that the baby has severely soiled his diaper...big
time!
The little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound
asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the
door locked, he peeks into the keyhole and sees his father in bed with
the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I
understand the concept of politics now."
The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words, what you think
politics is all about."
The litle boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing The Working
Class, the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored, and
the future is in deep poop!"
Mind Games Dogs Play With Humans
--posted by Olivia
After your humans give you a bath, Don't Let them Towel Dry you! Instead, run to their bed, jump up and dry yourself off on the sheets. This is especially good if it's right before your humans bedtime.
Act like a convicted criminal. When the humans come home, put your ears back, tail between your legs, chin down and act as if you have done something really bad. Then, watch as the humans frantically search the house for the damage they think you have caused. (Note: This only works when you have done absolutely nothing wrong.)
Let the humans teach you a brand new trick. Learn it perfectly. Then the humans try to demonstrate it to someone else, stare blankly back at the humans. Pretend you have no idea what they're talking about.
Make your humans be patient. When you go outside to go 'pee', sniff around the entire yard as your humans wait. Act as if the spot you choose to go pee will ultimately decide the fate of the earth.
Draw attention to the human. When out for a walk always pick the busiest, most visible spot to go 'poo'. Take your time and make sure everyone watches. This works particularly well if your humans have forgotten to bring a plastic bag.
When out for a walk, alternate between choking and coughing every time a strange human walks by.
Make your own rules. Don't always bring back the stick when playing fetch with the humans. Make them go and chase it once in a while.
Hide from your humans. When your humans come home, don't greet them at the door. Instead, hide from them, and make them think something terrible has happened to you. (Don't reappear until one of your humans is panic-stricken and close to tears).
When your human calls you to come back in, always take your time. Walk as slowly as possible back to the door.
Wake up twenty minutes before the alarm clock is set to go off and make the humans take you out for your morning pee. As soon as you get back inside, fall asleep. (Humans can rarely fall back asleep after going outside, this will drive them nuts!)
FUNNY JOB APPLICATION
--posted by jal
This is an actual job application a 17 year old boy submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment in Florida........and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!
NAME: Greg Bulmash
>> >>
>> >>Sex: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.
>> >>
>> >>DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
>> >>
>> >>DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not
possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
>> >>
>> >>EDUCATION: Yes.
>> >>
>> >>LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
>> >>
>> >>SALARY: Less than I'm worth.
>> >>
>> >>MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
>> >>
>> >>REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
>> >>
>> >>HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
>> >>
>> >>PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
>> >>
>> >>DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
>> >>
>> >>MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one,would I be here?
>> >>
>> >>DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD
>> >>PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?
>> >>
>> >>DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"
>> >>
>> >>HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?:
>> >>I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.
>> >>
>> >>DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.
>> >>
>> >>WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?:
>> >>Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
>> >>
>> >>DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE
>> >>TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.
>> >>
>> >>SIGN HERE: Aries.
60 Things That May Happening Right Now While You Are Reading This
1.. Somebody is very proud of you.
2.. Somebody is thinking of you.
3.. Somebody is caring about you.
4.. Somebody misses you.
5.. Somebody wants to talk to you.
6.. Somebody wants to be with you.
7.. Somebody hopes you aren't in trouble.
8.. Somebody is thankful for the support you have provided.
9.. Somebody wants to hold your hand.
10.. Somebody hopes everything turns out all right.
11.. Somebody wants you to be happy.
12.. Somebody wants you to find them.
13.. Somebody is celebrating your successes.
14.. Somebody wants to give you a gift.
15.. Somebody thinks that you are a gift.
16.. Somebody hopes you're not too cold, or too hot.
17.. Somebody wants to hug you.
18.. Somebody loves you.
19.. Somebody admires your strength.
20.. Somebody is thinking of you and smiling.
21.. Somebody wants to be your shoulder to cry on.
22.. Somebody wants to go out with you and have a lot of fun.
23.. Somebody thinks the world of you.
24.. Somebody wants to protect you.
25.. Somebody would do anything for you.
26.. Somebody wants to be forgiven.
27.. Somebody is grateful for your forgiveness.
28.. Somebody wants to laugh with you.
29.. Somebody remembers you and wishes that you were there.
30.. Somebody is praising God for you.
31.. Somebody needs to know that your love for them is unconditional.
32.. Somebody values your advice.
33.. Somebody wants to tell you how much they care.
34.. Somebody wants to share their dreams with you.
35.. Somebody wants to hold you in their arms.
36.. Somebody wants you to hold them in your arms.
37.. Somebody treasures your spirit.
38.. Somebody wishes they could stop time because of you.
39.. Somebody praises God for your friendship and love
40.. Somebody can't wait to see you.
41.. Somebody loves you for who you are.
42.. Somebody loves the way you make them feel.
43.. Somebody wants to be with you.
44.. Somebody wants you to know they are there for you.
45.. Somebody is glad that you're their friend.
46.. Somebody wants to be your friend.
47.. Somebody stayed up all night thinking about you.
48.. Somebody is alive because of you.
49.. Somebody is wishing that you noticed them.
50.. Somebody wants to get to know you better.
51.. Somebody wants to be near you.
52.. Somebody misses your advice and guidance.
53.. Somebody has faith in you.
54.. Somebody trusts you.
55.. Somebody needs your support.
56.. Somebody needs you to have faith in them.
57.. Somebody needs you to let them be your friend.
58.. Somebody hears a song that reminds them of you.
59.. Somebody will cry when they read this.
60.. Somebody is waiting to see you again.
"Life may not always be the party we'd hoped for, but while we are here, we should dance ... and sing, and tell our stories, and live, and love, and learn ... out loud."
A Story
--by rebopper
You never know when someone is thinking about you or how much you may have affected someone else's life. I got a phone call one night, and I was sure it was a telemarketer, and almost hung up because I didn't recognize the guy's name. Then he mentioned our high school and told me he'd been in my class. I honestly told him I didn't remember him, but said not to take it personally, because I'd forgotten so much about that time. I'm in recent email communication with someone I've known since I was 5, and he remembers more about my life back then than I do!
Anyway, George tells me when he turned 50 he decided to tie up loose ends and get in touch with people he'd always meant to get in touch with. He said he'd be in Boston for a conference and we agreed to meet. (I also checked with my old friend, who did in fact remember him well.)
George is now a very successful astronomer, running a center that has one of those huge telescopes. So we met for supper and I still didn't recognize him. After some chit chat, he told me why he wanted to see me. He said he had been very unhappy in high school and felt really out of it, and that I was the only person who was really nice to him, and it made such a difference in his life. He said he's thought about me for thirty years, and always wanted to thank me. I was really touched.
You never know in whose consciousness you reside, or how important you might have been to someone else.
By the way, George is a great guy, happily married with two kids. He looks just like Steven Spielberg. Really.
For My Friends
--posted by MsB
I received the following from one of my friends. I thought you would
appreciate the message.
I hope you all can take sometime to read this 1 minute story. How much we
can matter in each others' lives.!!!!
>One day, when I was a freshman in high school, I saw a kid from my class was
>walking home from school. His name was Kyle. It looked like he was carrying
>all of his books. I thought to myself, "Why would anyone bring home all his
>books on a Friday? He must really be a nerd." I had quite a weekend planned
>(parties and a football game with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so I
>shrugged my shoulders and went on.
>As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him. They ran at him,
>knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the
>dirt. His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten
>feet from him. He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes. My
>heart went out to him. So, I jogged over to him and as he crawled around
>looking for his glasses, and I saw a tear in his eye. As I handed him his
>glasses, I said, "Those guys are jerks. They really should get lives."
>He looked at me and said, "Hey thanks!" There was a big smile on his face.
>It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude. I helped him pick up
>his books, and asked him where he lived. As it turned out, he lived near
>me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before. He said he had gone to
>private school before now. I would never play with a private school kid
>before. We talked all the way home, and I carried his books. He turned out
>to be a pretty cool kid. I asked him if he wanted to play football on
>Saturday with me and my friends. He said yes.
>We hung out all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked
>him, and my friends thought the same of him.
>Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again.
>I stopped him and said,
>"Boy, you are going to really build some serious muscles with this pile of
>books everyday!" He just laughed and handed me half the books.
>Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends. When we were
>seniors, we began to think about college. Kyle decided on Georgetown, and I
>was going to Duke. I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles
>would never be a problem. He was going to be a doctor, and I was going for
>business on a football scholarship. Kyle was valedictorian of our class. I
>teased him all the time about being a nerd. He had to prepare a speech for
>graduation. I was so glad it wasn't me having to get up there and speak.
>Graduation day, I saw Kyle. He looked great.
>He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school. He
>filled out and actually looked good in glasses. He had more dates than I had
>and all the girls loved him. Boy, sometimes I was jealous. Today was one
>of those days. I could see that he was nervous about his speech. So, I
>smacked him on the back and said, "Hey, big guy, you'll be great!" He looked
>at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled.
>"Thanks," he said.
>As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began. "Graduation is
>a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years. Your
>parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach, but mostly your
>friends. I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the
>best gift you can give them. I am going to tell you a story."
>I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the story of the first
>day we met. He had planned to kill himself over the weekend. He talked of
>how he had cleaned out his locker so his Mom wouldn't have to do it later
>and was carrying all his stuff home. He looked hard at me and gave me a
>little smile. "Thankfully, I was saved. My friend saved me from doing the
>unspeakable." I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome,
>popular boy told us all about his weakest moment.
>I saw his mom and dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile.
>Not until that moment did I realize it's depth.
>Never underestimate the power of your actions. With one small gesture you
>can change a person's life.
>For better or for worse. God puts us all in each other's lives to impact one
>another in some way. Look for God in others.
>You now have two choices, you can:
>1) Pass this on to your friends
>or
>2) Delete it and act like it didn't touch your heart.
>
>As you can see, I took choice number 1.
>"Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble
>remembering how to fly."
>It's National Friendship Week. Show your friends how much you care.
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