"What Oz and I had was so much more than sparks. It was fire. We had friendship and passion. It was that true once in a lifetime kind of love. I know it sounds clichéd, but you know exactly what I'm talking about." Buffy nodded, knowing only too well. "In the shadow of that dating and sparkage seems depressingly pointless. I mean after you've had that how can you settle for anything less?"

"Oh Will, this isn't about settling. You don't know where this could lead or how you'll feel about somebody else down the road, not unless you give it a chance."

Facing Buffy, Willow spoke from her heart. "I understand that life is filled with uncertainties, that's a given. But there is one thing that I know with every ounce of my being Buffy. No one, no matter who they are, or what point of my life I may be at when I meet them, will ever, ever, make me feel even half of what I felt with Oz and for Oz. Its just not possible. You don't get that twice."

Nodding Buffy told her, "I know how you feel. I had that with Angel and I lost it. Now I've moved on to Riley. No, it isn't the same, but its good in its own way. Different yes, . . ."

Willow stood up, frustrated. "Buffy, what you and Angel had was true love and all of that, I know. I don't mean to sound cold or callous saying this, but its not the same thing. Yes, what you guys had was incredible. It was also doomed from the start. A souled vampire and a slayer could never have had a life together. Whether you guys chose to admit or not is beside the point. What Oz and I had could have. We had plans and dreams. A future. Now all I have are memories and the possibilities of what could have been if only Veruca had a gig in a different town. When you've already had a taste of once in a lifetime and lost it how can you ever be satisfied with anything else knowing what its not?"

Her friend's words had stung. They had also rung true. Buffy could admit that. "I don't know, Will. So what are you supposed to do then? Just give up for the rest of your life and be alone?"

"That's one of those uncertainties I mentioned." Picking up her keys Willow walked to the door. "Graham's waiting at the Bronze. I said I'd. go, its not fair to him to be left waiting."

The misery was evident on Willow's face. "You're really dreading this aren't you?" Nodding Willow told her, "I really like Graham and we do have fun, but . . ."

Buffy saw the opening and jumped in. "So go and see what happens. At least give it a chance. Stop thinking of it as a date and think of it more as you guys hanging out except without me and Riley. Then if you decide not to do it again we'll go back to being a foursome. No harm done."

Willow considered it. "If I do this and have an awful time do you promise never to push me on the dating topic again?"

With mock solemnity Buffy raised her right hand as if in court. "I vow that I will sit by silently and watch you pine away over the years until you are nothing more than an old, lonely, bitter, spinster lady."

"Deal." Cheered up by Buffy's promise Willow left to meet Graham.

Incredulously, Buffy turned to Amy-rat. "I cannot believe that cheered her up."

* * *

Willow watched Devon grip the microphone and turned to Graham as her stomach did somersaults.

"Are you okay?" He was well aware that it was Oz's old band. Over the past three weeks she had shared a lot with him.

Managing a weak smile Willow said, "I'm fine. I knew they got a new guitar player, its just this is the first time I've seen them play since . . ." her voice trailed off.

"I didn't know they were playing when I suggested this place. We can go somewhere else."

It was tempting but Willow shook her head and smiled. "Thanks, but its okay. I can't avoid everything forever. I'm fine." When the band started up Willow paled as the familiar music filled her ears followed by Devon's voice.

She flies from a blinding light
and spirals to my heart
I try to find my mind
but don't know where to start
Sliding his chair closer Graham whispered, "Your words are brave, but your
face is green." Willow smiled. "That's better."

won't ever
can't ever find my sanity
won't ever
can't ever ?til I hear
her calling for me

"If you want to go somewhere else it really is okay. I want tonight to be fun for you not painful. You don't deserve painful." Brushing his fingers along Willow's cheek he gazed at her intently as his other hand took hers.

The familiar gesture by someone else caused her heart to skip a beat, but it also felt surprisingly nice.

she knows that side of me
can't help it
can't help that side of me
just a little more
just a little more to find my sanity

Entering the Bronze the music washed over the man, flooding him with memories and more than a little pain. Nervously he scanned the crowd seeing only vaguely familiar faces before turning his attention to the stage. His eyes settled on the stranger standing in his place, intently watching someone else's fingers playing the notes that he himself had written. For her.

Listening to Devon sing the words seemed surreal. He could remember the night he had written them so clearly, reliving every thought and emotion that had coursed through him as he had written. The expression on her face the first time he played it was etched permanently in his memory.

I'm lost in a thousand nights
but sunshines at my feet
I'd walk through a thousand fires
and next to me she'd be

Turning back to the crowd he examined it more thoroughly, a second later finding what he had been searching for, his breath catching at the flash of red hair. He started to walk towards her, but stopped dead in his tracks as he took in the whole view.

she knows that sideshe's calling back for me
I've lost my mind
'till she's calling for me

On stage the Dingoes moved on to the next song.

Standing, Graham gently pulled Willow to her feet guiding her closer to the stage. "Dance with me?"

Oz watched the couple intently as he felt part of his heart die in his chest. As the other man pulled his Willow even closer into his arms Oz struggled against the urge to rush forward and tear her away. *She's not mine anymore* he reminded himself. The knowledge that he was the one who had walked away, and stayed gone for so long was little comfort.

if I could remember
a face I'd never seen
deep in these embers
that glow on endlessly
what would they tell me
if others had lost their faith
what would they sell me
if we had lost our way

Closing her eyes, Willow put her head on Graham's shoulder. If she let her mind drift she could almost imagine that it was someone else's arms holding her. Her eyes snapped open as her mind screamed at her heart. *No, it's not Oz. It's Graham. Oz is gone.*

"Where are you?" Graham whispered.

Lifting her head Willow looked him in the eyes. "Huh?"

"Well your body is here with me, but the rest of you is somewhere else. With him I'm assuming."

If nothing else Graham had become a friend, a good one. To good of one to lie to. "You assume correctly. I'm sorry." She really was.

"You don't have anything to be sorry for. Obviously you love the guy, and he's still in your heart. I know how hard it is to move on. But it is doable. It takes time, sometimes only a little and sometimes a whole bunch. Take what you need and give your heart a chance to heal, and when you're ready give yourself a chance to move on. Even if it isn't with me. I'd really like it to be, but I just want to see you happy."

Happy. It'd been three months since she'd truly felt that emotion. "I think I've forgotten how." She felt the hot tears forming and self-consciously lowered her head while her hand reached to wipe them away.

Putting his hand under her chin Graham stopped her, brushing them away with his own fingertips. "Let go of the pain Willow. Not the memories themselves, you should hold onto them. Just the pain. It won't lessen how much he meant to you."

if I could wake up
and see another day
if I could fake all
the lies I'd never said
how would I know you
if I had turned away
what that would show you
I never could have said

"I know you aren't ready to let go of him yet. I respect that. I'm disappointed, but I'll get over it. This doesn't change things between us. I still want to be friends, at least." Willow noded, grateful that he understood everything she was unable to say. "And maybe with a little more time . . ."

Slowly Graham leaned in and brushed his lips against hers, lingering there for just a second before ending the kiss.

"Don't say anything. You don't have to. Just think about it." Graham put her head back on his shoulder and tightened his grip on her.

and we've got to run
deep through these forests
or hang upon the hill
I've got a wish
something to promise
but, no I never will

Willow was facing Oz with her eyes closed and a slight smile on her face. A smile that used to be just for him. *And now its for somebody else. Because of somebody else.* Oz looked at the new guitar player and then back to the couple on the dance floor as he made up his mind. Head come back to Sunnydale to find out where his life stood, now he knew. Before he could leave with all his heart and soul he wished one thing. *Be happy Will.*

if I could walk out
and see another day
if I could talk about
the heavens that had cried
how I would love you
and never walk away
how I would show you
I've never had to pray

if I could walk out
no, I.d. never lie . . .

In Graham's arms Willow shivered.

(Click here for more stories by Leigh)

Home