:: Blog This... ::

:: Monday, May 12, 2003 ::

Happy Birthday Mom.

What a weekend, drinking and drama. Drinking was fun until i was sober. Saw some shit i didnt want to see....heard some shit i didnt want to hear, found out some shit i didnt want to know. Heh, someone dropped a bomb on me....Oh wellz, that's life- fucking sucks. I guess i deserve this??? 19 years of fun and happyness....for this shit.
Ne wayz.....nothing has gotten better, and I am at a dead end. I paste notes on the wall....doenst help. Heh, i thank all the ppls who are trying to be here for me....i dont blame u if u arent. But seriously...haha..no one has ne fucking idea or understand. I hate my fucking situation and all this shit that is happening. Not to mention, school is fucking me over too!!!!!!!! Well...wango tango is this weekend....who wants to go with me?? Heh...i won the damn tics from kiiss FM....and liza got 1 too..but she cant go so she gave it to me.
I read ppls xangas and blogs the other day and i was laughing my ass off cuz everyone has a xanga, while jeet and i were the first ones to have one. And now i see ppls complaining of how everyone has one...HAHAHAH. Suckers....good thing i decided to stop writing in it...but wtf...what the hell am i doing??? I dont know...this is "suppose to help me" - I guess it helps like 1% since i do let some things out...but in a way, i dont at all....cuz one...i dont want ne one to stress out over my problems and feel sorry and wat not. two...i aint writing what i really want to say...half the time i try to use the F word, and let out my real feelings..and i dont even want to write what i think of. This is all BS. -but dont stop writing in ur blogs and xangas-- they are interesting...and when u have troubles...i want to help u and doing that takes my mind off things.

Going through a horrible time with so many damn problems....as always....how bout tomorrow.....same same.

I know there are ppls who are in a worse situation...YEAH! duh...what about you huh?? It's just that i never thought this shit would happen to me..and i would face these kind of problems....damn damn damn damn....me??? aarrgh.....yes....me.

So many things on my mind....is there something that i can do so i dont think????????
Mom i wish you are here...i would have been home this weekend celebrating ur bday with a huge party, and everyone would be there...i would have gotten u a nice gift...and you prolly would have made a nice meal. Heh...i used to stay away from fast foods and try not to eat them cuz i read this book that gives facts about fast foods. ne how, now...i dont know what i would do with out them. They sustain my dad's and I freaking lunches and dinners. MOM!!!!

Heh...i always contradict myself and cant think straight.

I'mma stop whinning now...peace.
:: Hoang 2:33 AM [+] ::
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Happy Birthday Mom.

What a weekend, drinking and drama. Drinking was fun until i was sober. Saw some shit i didnt want to see....heard some shit i didnt want to hear, found out some shit i didnt want to know. Heh, someone dropped a bomb on me....Oh wellz, that's life- fucking sucks. I guess i deserve this??? 19 years of fun and happyness....for this shit.
Ne wayz.....nothing has gotten better, and I am at a dead end. I paste notes on the wall....doenst help. Heh, i thank all the ppls who are trying to be here for me....i dont blame u if u arent. But seriously...haha..no one has ne fucking idea or understand. I hate my fucking situation and all this shit that is happening. Not to mention, school is fucking me over too!!!!!!!! Well...wango tango is this weekend....who wants to go with me?? Heh...i won the damn tics from kiiss FM....and liza got 1 too..but she cant go so she gave it to me.
I read ppls xangas and blogs the other day and i was laughing my ass off cuz everyone has a xanga, while jeet and i were the first ones to have one. And now i see ppls complaining of how everyone has one...HAHAHAH. Suckers....good thing i decided to stop writing in it...but wtf...what the hell am i doing??? I dont know...this is "suppose to help me" - I guess it helps like 1% since i do let some things out...but in a way, i dont at all....cuz one...i dont want ne one to stress out over my problems and feel sorry and wat not. two...i aint writing what i really want to say...half the time i try to use the F word, and let out my real feelings..and i dont even want to write what i think of. This is all BS. -but dont stop writing in ur blogs and xangas-- they are interesting...and when u have troubles...i want to help u and doing that takes my mind off things.

Going through a horrible time with so many damn problems....as always....how bout tomorrow.....same same.

I know there are ppls who are in a worse situation...YEAH! duh...what about you huh?? It's just that i never thought this shit would happen to me..and i would face these kind of problems....damn damn damn damn....me??? aarrgh.....yes....me.

So many things on my mind....is there something that i can do so i dont think????????
Mom i wish you are here...i would have been home this weekend celebrating ur bday with a huge party, and everyone would be there...i would have gotten u a nice gift...and you prolly would have made a nice meal. Heh...i used to stay away from fast foods and try not to eat them cuz i read this book that gives facts about fast foods. ne how, now...i dont know what i would do with out them. They sustain my dad's and I freaking lunches and dinners. MOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Heh...i always contradict myself and cant think straight.

I'mma stop whinning now...peace.
:: Hoang 2:24 AM [+] ::
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Hi mom, happy mothers day.
*sigh* *sigh* sigh* sigh*
:: Hoang 10:55 PM [+] ::
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Well...i know i said i wouldnt blog ne more...and i am not. Well...I miss my mom, and i've been wanting to talk to her and tell her things...but i feel stupid talking out loud to myself.
Hi mom....i wonder what your doing now, where you're at, what you're thinking, who you're with, if you're happy, if you're ok, whether you're sad or hurt. Heh, i wish you were still here so that i can tell you about my problems, my thoughts....and fear. I wish you were here so we could talk about my future wife...and family. I could still remember the last time i felt your warm hands touching my face. Oh how i miss that feeling. I remember the last time you were strong enough to give me a hug. Oh how i cherrish that. I remember the time when you were so weak but you even gather the strength to give me a last kiss. Oh mom i miss you soo. I remember the other night when i went to sleep...oh how i dreamt about u..and remember your smile and calm face. We spent our whole lives together....and I havent left ur presence until college; but even so...i still come back on weekends just to see you. It's funny because sometimes i would get annoyed because i had to call you everynight. I remember thinking why you would get so worried when i dont call. But now, I call home everynight....and ur not there. The phone just rings and rings...and i remember once that i wished that somehow you would pick up..just so i can hear your voice..and ask you how u doing. Oh mom, i am sorry for the troubles i caused. Heh...i remember i would to drive you to grocery shopping and the supermarket. I remember going home and smelling home-cooked meals. I remember going back to riverside with packed lunch and frozen dinners. I remember i used to ask you on how to cook....Oh how i wish you wrote the recipes down. I can never ever taste your cooking ne more...I like just the way you make my steaks and lamb. OH mom i love you sooo. I miss the days when we sat and talked. I remember the time when the whole family got together to play monopoly and u won. I remember when i used to play with your hair...and when u lost yours, i shaved mines too. You know...i look up to you because you were such a strong person. Your mind was always at peace...and the way you overcame challenges made me believed that ne thing can be done. I remember thinking that everything was ok because you were so strong...and that you were determined to fight. I remember thinking that if you made through this...then i could make through anything. I remember my hopes and dreams, prayers, and wishes. I tried everything...turned to god, buddha and what not. Then when it came to reality...i realized that you werent going to make it. Oh mom...I am so sad. For one thing, i never expected ne thing like this to happen. Everything just came as a shock. I never knew that i would be faced with such a problem and situation. Oh mom, i wish i could see you. Oh mom, its sad to see how much you have been through. Oh mom, do you remember the times when we had family get togethers? Do you remember all the people that were there? Oh mom, i remember how you made the house all nice and warm. When i come home nowadays...its dark and cold. Sometimes dad is not even there...But dont worry...we still eat dinner and everything. Last week, dad and I made some scraps from old food...and we also ate at big sis's house. Oh mom...I miss the way you do things around the house. I dont know how dad is doing...i try to call him every night. He's been going from Tiff's place and home a lot i think. I talked to him the other night and he said he was looking at picture albums...heheh. He loves you a lot mom. He freaked out the other day when he thought he lost the videos with you in it; he didnt even care for the video camera. Oh mom, where did you go. I remember the time when you freaked out because I spiked my hair. Oh mom, i feel so sorry for you...i feel so bad...i feel so mad...because of what you had to go through because you were sick. Oh mom, i am sorry for making you wait that day....I didnt know that you were waiting for me. Oh mom, your love is so strong. I still cant believe that you waited for me. I am glad i made it home on time to see u before you go. I remember kissing your cold cheeks...and trying to rub your hands against my face. Do u remember what i said to you before you left??? I know you heard me...because you wanted to respond. I wish i knew what you wanted to say....but oh mom, even though you were going to go..yet u still tried to see me..and talk to me one last time. Oh mom, you waited for me even tho you had no life left in you. Why didnt anyone tell me earlier so i could have gone home so that you didnt have to wait for me till thursday. Oh mom...i am sorry for making you wait. Well mom, wherever you are...dont be scared. Dont worry about us...you have worried enough. I just hope that you're ok and not going through any trouble. I hope you're not lonely...and cold. Oh mom....dont forget about me ok??? Just remember what i told you before you left ok??? I know ur bday is still far away...but i've been thinking about you...soo...HAPPY EARLY BDAY and MOTHERSDAY. *KISS* I love you. Forever you will be missed, but never forgotten. -- Your son --
:: Hoang 4:12 AM [+] ::
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My last blog. I dont think i am going to blog ne more....
:: Hoang 6:44 PM [+] ::
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I GOT the RA/PC position!!?!!?!!?! Specifically i got PC - Program coordinator. I picked this over RA because RAs do more work and have more responsibilities. Anyhow, I am excited and feel some what better...finally some good news!!! So many bad news for soo long...finally..some good news. Anyways, i did well on my bus. final and did decent on bio test. Now i have to study for bio and stats..and that's it!!!!!!!! I cant wait to get some rest. I've been just chilling today...doing nothing, which is good. So, right now i am going to go study for bio. I think i had enough of those indian/punjabi clips. If u havent seen them...they are on the side...they are pretty funny. I know that they make me laugh when i am sad or depressed. Aight, good luck to all of you on ur finals. Keep on trying!!!
:: Hoang 7:43 PM [+] ::
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i feel that if i write something...people wouldnt understand me..and would conceptualize the wrong idea..and that is not what i want to do. That is why..i cant write ne thing.
:: Hoang 2:02 AM [+] ::
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UUUhh...horrible? hahaha. basically that is how i feel. Any how, i went to eat Crepe...pretty good. There are soo many things on my mind...OH LORD!!!!!!!! Anyhow, cant say...blah..this blog is worthless.
:: Hoang 2:00 AM [+] ::
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DAAAAAMMMNNN.....I need some serious SLEEP! I think i only had a total of 10 hours for the past 3 or 4 days. Anyhow, I am about to hit the sack...dead tired. I've been studying and just trying to get by. I just finished taking my Bus. final today, what a relief! Now i need to concentrate and study hard for bio and stats. I got an 88% on my last bio test, so i am hoping to get an A in the final...that is why i am studying hard over the weekend. Anyway, a lot of things are going on...like life and all. Everything is just hitting my at once right now. For one thing, i just hope i get RA job- i find out tomorrow. Heh..after tomorrow...i will be either a little bit happier and more motivated, or i will be sad and really really melow. For now, i wish all of you luck on ur finals..hehe..i will need some too!!
:: Hoang 2:17 AM [+] ::
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Took my bio midterm today...i hope i did well. Anyhow, i have a final on thursday..and homework due on friday. There is a party on thurday night..and some ppls are going...i dont know if i should go I might need to sacrifice that for hard studying. Well...i am still indecisive; i was originally thinking of taking a couple drinks on thursday night, or to go study for bio midterm. Soo..i dont know; i think i would be more comfortable if i dont go to party...since someone going to be there. hahhaha. But yeah...it doesnt matter, i just want to have spring break! get some decent grades, and get RA position.
:: Hoang 12:09 AM [+] ::
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Well, i got some things done today. I did my bus. report. I took a long nap today....UNINTENTIONALLY. I was only suppose to take a one hour nap...but next thing i knew, i woke up at 5:30 pm. Anyhow, I am about to study right now...i wasted almost the whole night not studying for bio...but i am going to make it up right.

If ur lazy...its ok....if u know u are..its better....just try to do something about it...and if u have..and unsuccessful...its cuz u still lazy...and since u know u lazy.....and lazy is the cause to ur unsuccess of getting rid of laziness....then try again! -Lazy bums..i feel yah.
:: Hoang 2:27 AM [+] ::
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AAAHh...I feel soooo much better now. Thanks Charlton..hehe. Anyhow, I am VERY behind on my schedule...but oh wellz; time to pick up the pace! Still a little woozy...so i think i am going to sleep...or i dont know.... i feel like writing but not.

Goals for the week and maybe the rest of the quarter:
Tomorrow- wake up by 12 and go to library and study my ass off until night time. Then go home and write report for bsad.
Monday: Should be finished with BSAD report. Monday: Go to stats- then go to library and study my ass off for bio
Tuesday night: do stat hw then study for bsad final on thurs
Wed: go to classes: then study for bsad final
Thurs: Take a nice break/ study at night for bio final on tues.
Frid: Study
Rest of the quarter:
Get RA job.
Ace bio midterm and final
Ace bsad 10 report and final
Ace stat 48 final and get 10 on next hw

Sometimes things just dont work out the way you expect them to. Sometimes things just turn south...and just stays down there. It's a difficult time for me right now...and well....things are way down south. There is a lot on my mind...and a lot i want to say, but words cannot fill those emotions or define the way i feel correctly.

-Through the bad and the wrong.
-I cant give up, and must be strong.
-When things go south and not your way.
-Just take it slow and day by day.
-Although I am depressed and very sad.
-I cannot forget what I had.
-No matter what I say and do.
-I cant look back, and must stay true.
-I might break down and I might just cry.
-But no matter what, I still must try.
-I just need to look and wait for tomorrow
-and hope that it will be the end of sorrow.
-So please...please, let the bad times end
-and have the good times come again.
-For now, its time to say goodbye
-Cause if I continue, I might just cry.
:: Hoang 6:19 AM [+] ::
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12:12....still not studying. I was eating...*YUCK* fruits....eeeew. I had some bread, peanut butter, fruits, and cheese. It doesnt make my stomach feel so good.
:: Hoang 12:31 AM [+] ::
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AAAAAARRGGHH....I cant study! It's so hopeless, I am sitting here being very unprogressive. And I am not too happy either....so many things bothering me!!!
:: Hoang 10:00 PM [+] ::
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Shot down by GELSONS. Oh well, move on and ork harder next time. I learned a lot of useful information today and gained new insights and experience; nonetheless, i am still sad. Well...it was hectic today. Actually this whole week was hectic, but its ok...i dont mind. Heh, next week will be even worse. I just hope that my finals and midterms and reports go well. I am so hungry right now cuz i ddint have a chance to eat the whole day. Woke up at 7, went to long beach...came back to riv. by 12 then class till 4.
I hope u all do well and study hard- dont be lazy and mess up on ur grades; if its not too late.

:: Hoang 4:51 PM [+] ::
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Oh crap...my schedule just got more hectic! Damn it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope i can make it to spring break.
:: Hoang 11:11 AM [+] ::
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Busy and tired.
I think i messed up this quarter...
-Still hoping to get some A's this quarter...but it seems unlikely.
:: Hoang 3:39 PM [+] ::
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Finally, i am done with RA interviews!!!!!! I hope i did well with my presentation and interview today. There are a lot of competition, so i know it wont be easy for the cuts. Anyhow, i am just relieved of one task. Now, i have to worry about other things. I cant wait till march 14 because that is when we find out who will become RAs. I am just worried that my grades wont make it. That is why i am going to focus on school from now on. It would be a shame if i make RA cut, and not be able to do it because of my grades. Soo....as of tomorrow..i want today to rest, I WILL STUDY!! Expect to see me in the library more often.

Starting up something of your own is hard....i am a little frustrated right now of my situation...(not a lot of u know what i am talking about) - and i am going to keep it that way.
This weekend, is my sister's baby-shower so i might go to her place for a lil bit; but i also want to do something fun. I just want to get away and do something that gets my mind off everything. Anyways, i am hungry right now so i am going to get something to eat...i havent been eating much. I dont know why, either i dont have an epitite or i am just not hungry....Well...Lani has been really nice and trying to get me to eat..and buying me food here and there. Thanks!!! - i appreciate it.

:: Hoang 5:19 PM [+] ::
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God damn it, this RA interview is so difficult!!!! I cant start my presentation. SO much stuff going on...ne how, i am posponing what i really wanted to say cuz i have to worry about RA...anyhow, i just felt like sayin a couple of words on here to waste some time.
:: Hoang 6:24 PM [+] ::
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Once again...up till 4 in the morning doing nothing...

Going home tomorrow...
:: Hoang 3:44 AM [+] ::
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Sometimes you cant explain why things happen in your life. Some people say that things happen for a reason. Others believe in fate, destiny, faith, god's path, and what not. For the past month I've been wondering, searching, looking, and just thinking about what, why, and etc. I've tried to find logical explanations, reasons, excuses, or faults to justify the things that have happened to me. When my sister asked me why did this happen to us and my mom; i didnt know what to say, i didnt know what to think. Usually i would have a philosophy or ideologies of why things happen or why it is normal for a situation to occur. Now, i find myself looking for new answers to questions i dont know. If you ask me about fate last year, i would have given you a 5 hour speech. If someone asked if i believed in god/higher beings, faith, miracles...i would have given a distinc answer..and a clear reason for my opinions. Now...if you ask me about any of those things...i would say "i dont know", a shrug, or a gesture of confusion.
Of course...this is all ramble, but analyzing it...i guess what i am trying to get out is that:
These events that occurred have fucked me up so bad, that all the things that i believed in, all the beliefs and philosophies that i strongly looked upon with understanding and knowledge....are all gone. It's like a new sheet of paper...and the notes and points that i have written down are all erased. So now, i sit..and try to find new notes, new points, and answers for my paper....and none of it is coming in...and i guess eventually, all of it will come and i will have new notes; but it just suck that i have to start all over.
--- ---My last thought of the day goes to my mother--- ---
:: Hoang 1:37 AM [+] ::
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Ok...I really need to get back into my groove. I am so out of course....so changed in direction, so many things have happened that it side-tracked me off my normal life. I am trying to get back to normal but it's not working. I cant even concentrate or study....and sometimes i mistake events, or forgot that it happened. Anyhow, it doesnt sound as bad as i make it....I am just disappointed that i stayed up the whole night and i didnt even study. Blah! I am for sure i did bad on both of my midterms. I just hope that after tuesday, and after this weekend i will be able to get back to schedule, study, and just continue with routines. Well, until then we will have to see...
:: Hoang 9:41 PM [+] ::
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So many things going on!!?!?!!??!?!?! hahha...i have a busy ass week coming up...and the weeks after that!!! Damn It....ne how...i hope i can get everything together.
:: Hoang 2:02 AM [+] ::
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Thursday night, well..its actually friday now. Ne how, luckily my mom's appointment to see the specialist was moved to today. We are going to find out more about the cancer today. I called home and talked to my dad for about 1 minute; my mom was in pain...so i let him go help her out. Ne how, tomorrow is Valentines and i hope that all you guys and girls are planning something special. Personally...i always try to do something, but a little of me still believes that Valentines is made by corporate and business America to lure consumers and get more sales. Well, its working!
Once again, i am here writing in my blog to get some thoughts out, but mostly...to procrastinate some time. As for me, i think i am doing better. I am slowly dealing with the pain and the sadness, and slowly...trying to accept things and just work with it.

Today, i got a disappointment because i am dropping my class with a widrawal. I came by the office at the beginning of the week and was told that this friday was the last day to "DROP" a class. I was so happy to hear that because i thought i was able to drop a class without a widraw on the transcript. However, to the workers at the office- a widraw means to leave the whole quarter--Blah. They tricked me and got my hopes up!! Ne how, i was scrambling around school today in hopes of getting everything taken care of (dropping my class). However, they refused to sign anything until i get my teacher's signature. Thus, tomorrow i will have to get her signature at 10 and then go drop the class.

Alright, time to get back to work and do my bio lab report. I've been procrastinating this lab for the whole week. Damn, i just remembered that next tues, i will have my bsad midterm, and then on wed my stat. AARRGHHH....that just ruins my 3-day weekend. Well, i just hope that i can actually get focused and actually do some work now. Its still kind of hard to focus when your mind ponders and wonders about other problems in your life. I find myself often just not wanting to do work....i dont feel like it ne more. I am not even excited to do ne work. Any how, i hope all that would slowly go away..and i would be back to my normal self again. I just hope that my GPA doesnt drop this quarter. Oh, i made it through second round interviews for RA...and now...i have to do personal interview that consists of a 5 min presentation and a 25 min. interview. HAHA...i signed up to be the first person too....Feb.25th at 10:00am. Thats right...i will be setting the guidlines for the rest of yah wannabe RAs and PCs. Oh...just a little hint on my presentation; it will be about Tae Kwon Do and Karate...and that sort of things. I am planning on kicking some ass in that interview...hehe. Oh- i wanna holla at daniel for all the attention he's been giving me...and all the advice on coping. Hey, i wish your grandma makes it dude...i feel yah. -And thanks Lani and to all those who have talked to me in some form....it helps from time to time.
-Mom- i think that you should fight it...and never give up. Its not your time...and i am not ready for you to go...*dont give up*.
:: Hoang 1:40 AM [+] ::
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Friday: I find out if i made it through second cut of RA interview. I hope i get it..i was suppose to get a letter in the mail, but now they are making me go to AI and get it myself. After second stage i should be set, since i've been volunteering and meeting most of the staff members.

Later tonight, i might go clubbing and see JIN-(representing the asians). Yeah...the news is that kenny is suppose to be going, but right now..he said he might not be able to since his parents are picking him up from SD. Right now, i think i have to drive back to the valley and pick him up or the tics...if he doesnt go. He better go...he got me into. Hopefully i will be able to relax and ease up tonight and have some fun so that tomorrow i can be really happy to see my mom.

I want to have all the energy to keep her smiling. I want to be able to keep my smile...and just have a good time with her, and hopefully i wont show ne signs of grief and sadness. Well...i cant wait to come on and see her....
:: Hoang 4:26 PM [+] ::
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Finally...blogging time. It's been a while since i have seriously blogged. Well....first of all, not a lot of things happened for a while; until now. Now is a time in my life where i face many struggles. I dont know...i was not planning to blog, but as i was walking home and i thought that maybe blogging might help me cope. Yet, as i am writing now...it is too hard for me to continue. For one thing, it is definitely easier than talking. Lets start from the beginning: Over the winter break every thing seemed to be ok and normal. However, as i came home for Lunar New Years, i would find out one of the most horrible things in my life.

I'll start off with a shocker- Lam, my cousing who is the same age as me, has decided to join the marines. I know that many of you know Lam. In fact, Lam and I are born on the same month, and have been going to most of the same schools throughout our childhood life. However, throughout highschool Lam and I became very distant and well...i went and hung out with different kinds of people. NE how, for the many ppls that dont know Lam, well....he isnt the typical guy nor the guy one would expect to join the marines! I mean...to me...Lam just stays home and plays game. To the rest of the family....Lam was the lazy boy...who couldnt do 1 push up or even run a mile. Ne how....it was shocking to hear that my cousin...LAM joined the marines. But yeah...because of that...i think our whole family got closer. Last weekend, all of my cousins got together and we all just hung out and chilled. I wanted to tell Lam that i support him...and that -that was the most courageous thing i ever heard. Any how, i support you man...i hope you make it through. -it's still funny when i think about it- WOW - Lam....the marines- just to think..when he comes back...he will be stronger than i am. Now that feels weird!!!

Finally....i am saddened and heartbroken to recieve the news that my mother is very ill. There are things i dont want to discuss...because...well...it cant be. Any how...I am trying my hardest to cope with this trajedy as best as i can. It's hard to realize that such things can actually happen to you or someone you know..and most of all..love. I dont know...i guess i am kinda piss right now. I am mad..that such things has to happen to my mom. I mean...she has been through 2 knee surgeries...and like 4 other operations. Everything has just to happen now. My sister is pregnant..and now she will have to deal with all the sadness and pain. My father will now have to take care of my mother...a task in which is all to new for him. I feel sad and angered that i cannot be at home and help them. To know that my mother is in pain and my father has to take care of my mother with just one arm. It's just sad. Just like my sister said; we all thought things were going to be so well. We got a place to live, everybody had decent jobs, houses, and everything was so so well..and it was getting better. Now, its just like one big nightmare. I never thought that it would turn out this way...but i guess you cant really expect anything. As of now, i am still dealing with the shock and the overwhelming feelings. Lani has been here to help me cope- thanks baby...thanks for being here for me. And kenny- i know u let me win the other day in pool...just so i could feel better; thanks man..i know ur here for me.

I dont know...i just hate to see my mom in pain and my whole family go through this whole ordeal. As of now...all i can wonder is why did this happen to my mom. I mean...she has done so many things in her life....so many wonderful things that...she doesnt deserve all this pain and suffering. I just pray that she doesnt have to be in so much pain...i pray and pray....PLZ!
-Mom- I love you...=*(
:: Hoang 11:36 PM [+] ::
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Hey...i am back...not really...ever since i tried to update this website and all...things have been messy. NE how..i am procrastinating because i have a midterm tomorrow. UP all night!!!! Now back to hw. be back later
:: Hoang 3:04 AM [+] ::
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Wow, i havent blogged in such a long time. Any how, it's been quite busy since school started and I've been trying to sell my books. I hope this quarter will be nice and swiff. I am taking four classes and i think they are harder classes from last quarter. Ne how, I wont be able to blogg until next week since my computer is broken. So far so good, i hope the rest of the quarter will be the same. Last week i went to the autoshow. The autoshow was awesome, i took some pics and dreamed of some cars to get for later on. OOohh...my birthday is coming up...hheeheh. I am not really excited since i am turning 20!!! damn..i am getting old (mid-life crisis; 1st stage)...i will have to act a lil more mature now. Oh, i sold my books this quarter, and i learned so many lessons and selling books. For one thing, i made more money and i paid for all my new books with what i sold. Ne how, if you have ne books you want to get rid of and sell, please contact me..i am willing to sell it for u. I found that alot of my buyers wanted to buy other books...books that i dont have; they also wanted to get more of the same books for their friends and etc. As for my relationship with lani, everything is going great! We occasionally fight, but we manage to fix it. I am very happy right now, so yeah...i hope things continue the way they are, with lani being so cooperative.
:: Hoang 10:46 PM [+] ::
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I just came back from SF, so i need a lot of sleep. SF was alright...i went to the beach alot and found sand dollars!!! hehehe...i think that was cool. Ne how, christmas is coming up...i dont know what to get for my sisters and mom. ne how...i am lazy right now...so 99, and i hope u guys get lots of presents.
:: Hoang 2:09 AM [+] ::
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First thing...this blogg is under construction. I am trying to learn a lil html on my own...so that is the first thing...second..is i want to experiment and make it more fun for people who are reading my bloggs. Ne how, on the sad note..lani said something today that made me upset; *sigh* i am trying to get over it... On the brighter side, i am going to sf tomorrow, i hope that would be relaxing. hehe. Then there is rain...rain and more rain. I like rain since it doesnt rain here that often...BRING ON THE RAIN!?!?!? BUt then...i rather have it spread out...and not like a damn blizzard. Ne how...winter has been going swell...i only wish it could be longer. I've been either playing games that i was waiting for the whole quarter to play, been at home with my family or been out.
Merry Christmas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! - oh...i went to a hockey game today at the Staples Center. It was Kings vs. Ducks...the game was good and exciting..ne how..i need to go again...with VIP tics...cuz the seats are better.
:: Hoang 1:23 AM [+] ::
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YAAAAYY!!!!! School is out and I am HOME!!?!?!? Back in the SFV, and...its chillin. Damn...back to dial up connection. Ne how, i hope this winter break will be tite, and fun. Tommorrow, i have a date with lani...(movie, and lunch?)...We will see...but yeah, it took us like half an hour just to make up a time and when and where...we were busy arguing. *sigh*..it..doesnt stop doesnt it...haha. I want to go snowboarding...so who ever is up for it...give me a call. ne how..i am going to go n try to learn http..so i can fix my blog. Alright...the start of winter break!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope all of u have fun...and i hope to see u too.
:: Hoang 1:19 AM [+] ::
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Woo hoo, only one more final to go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I found out that i got a 95% on my math final and daaaammnn...hhehe, i am getting an A in the class. Well, i will need that A since i dont think i will be getting an good grade in econ 111. Ne wayz, i am dead tired since i havent slept for the whole night-*yaaawwn*.

Yesterday (sunday) i went to a family get- together down in viet town (santa ana). I got to eat some grubb, but then...my stomach hurted like crazy afterwards. I dont know if there was ne thing wrong with the food...Ne how, my cuz from texas flew over with his wife to visit us, and damn...he made me think about fate and luck. His life wasnt heading towards the right direction when he was young. He joined a gang in high school and got into so much trouble that he didnt even graduate! Then by the time he was in his early 20s, he disappeared out of sight and left our family for a while. Then all sudden, we get a fone call telling us that he is in jail. So we bailed him out. He came home and lived with my uncle for a little while...and everything seemed to be going ok, but then boom...jail time again. Only this time, he didnt get bailed. So there he was...spending his time in jail, i think for like 3 or more years!! I visited him once when he was in LA pen. hahah...jail is a very scary place to be. Ne how...to make a long story short...after he was released in 2000, he came home. About a month later he got a brand new 2001 honda accord, and damn...poor thing...he crashed it 2 months later. I still remember how chill this guy was....i mean, he had no worries. He would come over and tell me that he is bored or that there is nothing to do. So he would occasionally let me drive around in his car and waste gas at his own expense. Once, we went to buy is gold bracelet for his dad, and damn...he paid in cash. What i am wondering is how does this guy make his money!!?!?! HE didnt work!!! NE how...he couldnt leave San Fernando Valley for like 6 months because a parole officer would come by and check up on him. So then after 6 months of chilling and crashing ( I didnt mind, free pool games, food, and etc), he left for texas. Now, 1 year later...he comes back and shows us pictures of his custom built mansion, his liquor store, and his nail shop. - dude, i dont get it...this guy...is now loaded like one of those MTV rappers. He is all iced up with bling bling all over!!! - So is this fate? I dont know..i think it is. I mean, he came out on top despite of his past. It's just weird to see something like that happen...i mean i am proud and happy for the guy...but i just never thought i would see it with my very own eyes. Ne how...maybe i should go to texas this winter break and chill at his mansion and ride around town...and see what livin the good life is like.
---Fate, Luck, Destiny---
:: Hoang 6:49 PM [+] ::
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Alright, after i write this blog i will go into a study frenzy (Hopefully). Damn, its weird...I have a final tomorrow at 8:00 and a very important econ report due 6 hours later, and i am not stressed out. I havent even studied for math or started the report for econ?!???! Its sad cuz people keep on asking me to help them out in math and i keep on telling them to wait until i finish my econ report. hahh...i said that since monday. Ne how, whats more weird is that they think i know my math info; really i dont. Ne how, good luck to those who are seeking help in math...sorry, i cant help u.
THese two weeks are goin to be so busy!! Not only do i have to wory about finals, i also have to worry about gifts! To add on to my troubles, i have to do gift exchange- *sigh* I wonder who got me....I know who i have...is it you?!?! This year is the first year that i actually have things that i want...i dont need it...but i prefer to get those things. hahaha. What are they? - .........

Daniel has been bugging me for the whole week about putting him in my blog....??? FYI - I already put him in my blog like 3 months ago : its about how he thought his car was stolen, but it was really parked at a street down from where he was standing. (worse thing, he parked it there himself).
Ne how, thanksgiving weekend was great!!! I ate turkey like it was rice, and you know thats alot if your asian.
I went to two thanksgiving feasts, so thursday night i was stuffed like a turkey.
Then friday night, i went out with a bunch of friends from the valley. We all decided to meet up at lollicup at 6 but we forgot to call daniel to tell him that. So him and jose went to lollicup like at 5. HAHAH...sorry dude, i wasnt planning the event. Ne how, u guys could of called me and i would of directed you to sherman oaks castle, cuz thats where kenny and i was for like couple hours, playing that damn tennis game. Kenny sucked ass in that game. In the end, we both got our behind kicked by some black dude. For the rest of the night at the arcades, we decided to play street fighter, and beat the game. After that, we went to lollicup to meet up with all the ppls, and left for bowling, honking our horns the whole way. It was annoying, but freaking paul was honking at me, so i had to get him back. After bowling we went out to eat, and that was cool. Then pool for like an hour, then everyone left except for kenny, jose, yensen, and myself. We all chilled in the parking lot, until yensen asked if the arcades was open...hehhe..it was, so we all went to family fun cent and played games. We played games until it closed at 3AM!!! then we all went home...BROKE. - This is for daniel, the only egyptian guy in our group. We always confuse him with aladin or bin ladin, and in katie's situation, she confused him with andrew.

-- GooD LucK on YouR FinalS --
:: Hoang 10:57 AM [+] ::
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Just came home from clubbin in LA with my cuz, his gf, and her friends, lani, jackson, and charlton. It was cool, i guess....i liked it until the end...*sigh*. oh wellz. what can i say..i am happy?? All i know is that i am going home tomorrow to eat turkey...and just let go. Well....HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY!!! YAA YAAY AAYY.....ne how. i hope everyone will have a nice thanksgiving...oH...i just let a guy in yahoo pool win 10 straight games...at first i was serious, but then..my mood changed..and it was like cool, cuz i just let go..and asked him if it would make his life better if i let him win..and he said yes. I realized that its stupid concerning ur life with yahoo pool and if u win or not. I realized i was stupid for taking it soo serious, so i just let the damn man win for the next 7 times. WHoppy...now kenny can actually play me..since my score is just about equal to his (damn he sucks). ahahhahahahahahahahaha.
*hehe* happy happy..holiday?!?!??!?! thats all i need...thanks. latez.
:: Hoang 4:08 AM [+] ::
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