Sandra Bullock marriage announcement and gossip
on her wedding near Solvang, Calif, "ja"!

Bullock warned of "brutal" husband by female ex-employee of Jesse James the 7th

COMING SOON! An essay on PARALLEL UNIVERSES, comparing the movie THE MATRIX with SUPERNOVA, and discussing dragline silk made out of spiders webbing, three times stronger than silkworm silk, and 'aerospace tethering' and the wormhole tunneling between mirrored worlds! ... click here for the "teaser" and take yourself into the labyrinth, don't be the last one to enter it!...


See also [related articles]
B.TRAVEN
B.Traven, by Bryan Adrian
STRIKE!
Strike Now Against the Outsourcers & Merger Monster McKinsey Group!
ELECTRONIC WHIP 1996
The London Arabic pioneer E-magazine, THE ELECTRONIC WHIP....
WHO WILL PUT A STAKE THROUGH THE GOD OF WAR?
WHO WILL PUT A STAKE THROUGH THE GOD OF WAR? by Bryan Adrian

click here to read a review by BRYAN ADRIAN of Calista Flockhart's performance in BASH, by Niel Labute.


Scene from final episode of Sex & The City shot in Brooklyn near Pratt Art Institute

do you know this lovely actress from Bulgaria? ... click and see!

please click here for PART TWO of the HOLLYWOOD TATTLER, appropriately titled, "TRANS-WORLD IDENTITY IN PARALLEL UNIVERSES", by Bryan Adrian

THE MATRIX RELOADED

by Bryan Adrian

SOUL-LESS IN SION

The Smiths or the Smurfs? For me, I would have been satisfied with an upper limit on Smith replicants set at least to 666, and not 789,467,198,467 ... True. They filled in a lot of the frequent dead stretches in the movie that made no sense in MATRIX VIRAL LOAD REVISITED [aka "Matrix Reloaded"] with hundreds of Smiths as smurfy Pee Wee Hermann look alikes which barely kept the movie from completely sinking every quarter of an hour.

This film should have been smashed against Ayers Rock and never allowed to leave Australia.

The movie did however, by the end of long hours of tortuously boring car and truck and motorcycle chases and crashes, sink like the Titanic, and the sperm load of the plot was, I am sad to report, disappointingly impotent and leaden. The overall sperm count clearly needed "reloading", as was suggested in the title [now I get it].

The love scene between Neo and Trinity [I thought Carrie-Anne Moss should have played his mother and not his lover] was even less sexy than the comical and vapid dance posturing in the sandstone caves of Sion, fumbling and pelvis bumping motions bringing all of us in the cinema to the point of pain and discomfort, caught in the directors stranglehold in their attempts to make an erotic replicant of a love-in during the 1968 Flower Power scene in Haight Ashbury.

Nobody was on acid and everybody was on viagra as they gyrated on this Laugh In set. The dance moves must have been choreographed by Bill Gates himself. The jump cuts to the humping of Kenau against the inflatable plastic version of Carrie-Anne Moss would have made better hormonal heat if one of those giant electro-mechanical spiders could have given her a much better arachnid drilling rather than the tense and hesitant humanoid Neo doing push ups on Trinity's cadaver.

Okay, we do have Kenau Reeves dressed up as a Jesuit missionary and it is kinda cute for nearly three hours of dark and unfocused and shadowy screen time, reminding me of Joel Schumakers dreary and bleeding focus style. Couldn't we have had some Dominican Friars and some Augustinian monks too?

The slowest part of the film was when Morpheus (Laurence Fishburne) was fending off a straight razor pressed against his throat by a twin albino Austrian vampire Merovingian [perhaps based on Larry and Andy Wachowski] from the court of Pepin the Short and Charlemagne, fighting for his life with his eyelashes in a static car chase scene. In a speeding car in which the prize fighter and killer Merovingian albino cannot somehow make himself move his blade even 1/32nd of an inch on dozens of missed [or pissed] opportunities against the vulnerable juglar vein and neck of Morpheus the Carolingian, with his head in a neck hold, as he defends himself mightily by "batting his eyelashes" in repetitive defense strategies using his eyelashes and not his wits nor strength as a fearsome and fearless warrior in trouble.

His eyelash ninja technique proved to be quite effective by the time the scene dangled by the neck so long that I lost interest in who survives and who does'nt. Next film could have Jerry Seinfeld as Neo and it would be all the same for me.

The ending with Kenau Reeves stretched out on a morgue table followed by the on screen giant caption "TO BE CONCLUDED" [no, not "to be continued"] warns one what the scriptwriters have for talent is already a foregone conclusion.

Dead meat and army ant feces.

The attempts at German inflected English conversation about existentialism and freedom of choice are bon mots for Roseanne or Michael Jackson or Buffy, but not for anyone over 12.

Wait until all three DVDs are going for $4.99 for the complete set in 2005 at Blockbusters as the chain is going out of business, and you will never regret the decision.

Kristin with her soulmate, Cassie !

Let's Get
to the BOTTOM
of these rumors!

Don't miss the never Oscar nominated "BLACKTOP: MURDER ON THE MOVE" [2001] artsy Euro film starring Kristin Davis ...

PLOT: Sylvia (Kristin Davis of SEX AND THE CITY) ditches her boyfriend at a bar located upon a long stretch of highway. A friendly trucker (Meat Loaf Aday) offers to help her with a ride to the next town. Sylvia soon discovers that the cargo being hauled is a trailer full of dead bodies and that this driver is not simply a teamster union member transporting goods all across the nation; he's an accomplished serial killer in search of more human meat. Sylvia attempts to free herself from this evil 18-wheeler and its operator. One of the most frightening films ever made about truck drivers. MPAA Rating: R.

ON-LINE SPEC FILMSCRIPT ... click here for the new FILMSCRIPT: "The Rabbi Who Knew Too Much About The Rape of the Sabine Women" by Bryan Adrian


read the review of Stephen Spielberg's "AI" here ... by Bryan Adrian

We here at Hollywood Tattler are putting our bets on Tatum O'Neal, Sandra Bullock, Calista Flockhart, and Kristin Davis to be the hot actresses of 2007-2008?? [and ... relatively 'young and trim,' Alec Baldwin, has been rumored to be dating BOTH of them, and the bottle!]



Sex and the Sailor? Says the lovelorn naval officer: "You have a nice pair little Missie ... and the eight on Callie will suffice for the insatiable intensity of my undying mammary fixations ... when can i move in!?"

Kristin Davis interviewed by a London journalist on why her life is private ... click here ...

Says Miss Davis: "Any man i date has to like Callie. There can't be any jealousy. It's a very bad sign if a guy is jealous of your dog. When Callie was a puppy ... the guy I was seeing at the time was jealous of her, so I ended it!"

Kristin Davis's saga, from Carolina palmetto country to Rutgers to NYC and ultimately Hollywood ... culminating in a truly inspired slasher movie, "DOOM ASYLUM" ...



... in which an entourage heads-out to visit an abandoned asylum and are killed off by a badly burned killer who uses an array of different medical instruments to circumsize the necks of his victims.

A smirking and campy horror/comedy loaded with lame attempts at humour, and a cast of shapely actresses (some of them nudie centerfolds) getting bumped-off by a psycho killer who likes to crack one-liners to each of the freshly murdered corpses.

Directed By: Richard Friedman.
Written By: Rick Marx.

Starring: Patty Mullen, Ruth Collins, KRISTIN DAVIS, William Hay.


But none of the lines are as funny as Kristin Davis, in this month's premiere magazine for pet and animal lovers, [Kristin is on the cover featured with her blonde retriever, Callie] in which she says in this interview that she has pitched overboard more than one boyfriend -- because he competed with her dog for her attention -- and lost.

Hollywood Trivia from JEWISH FAMILY magazine!

GWYNETH PALTROW is a lucky girl, royally descended from thousands of years of Belorussion rabbis!

"While the actress hasn't kept it a secret, neither has she talked a great deal about growing up half-Jewish: Her father, producer-director Bruce Paltrow, is Jewish. (Her mother, actress Blythe Danner, isn't Jewish.) Her father's Judaism isn't of a common garden variety. "I come from a real rabbinical dynasty," Paltrow proudly declares, "and it The Paltrowitch family tree goes back to 17th-century Russia.

In fact, Paltrow can count a whopping 33 rabbis among her ancestors. Her great-great-great grandfather was Rabbi Tsvi Paltrowitch, the Gaon of Nitzy-Novgorod in South West Russia. His three sons, all rabbis, emigrated from Russia in the l9th century. One Simcha Paltrowitch served as rabbi in Buffalo, New York from l890 to l914. Another son emigrated to England and founded the Old Central Synagogue in Leeds.

Rabbi Nachum Paltrowich, of the Leeds Paltrowitch's, is an enthusaistic genealogist, and he reports that Gynweth Paltrow is a direct descendant of Rabbi David Ben Samuel Ha-Levi, a famous 17th-century authority on Jewish law. The movie star recently showed up at the Four Seasons Hotel in Beverly Hills looking thoroughly unPaltrow-like and more like a friendly, down-to-earth Jewish girl.

You had to look twice to make sure it really was her. Gone is the shoulder-length golden blonde, Grace Kelly-like hair. Instead, her locks are dark brown (for her role in "Bounce," a movie she has just finished shooting with her on-again-off-again boyfriend Ben Affleck.)

"I think the director of 'Bounce' was sick of the whole Blonde Gwyneth person. And so was I," she confesses.

Wearing virtually no makeup, Paltrow nevertheless looked tremendously elegant in an ankle-length black leather skirt and matching top, set off with dazzling diamond earrings which are believed to be a gift from Affleck. Following the breakup of her engagement to Brad Pitt, (who isn't Jewish) Paltrow's life had begun to settle down when along came Oscar and the paparazzi went on red alert.

"I became a prisoner in my house because after a while I just didn't want to go out," she recalls. "One day, I ran out of gas, and there are [published] pictures of me walking down the street with a gas can looking for the nearest service station. The paparazzi didn't have the decency to give me a ride. They just wanted those demeaning pictures. I wanted to go hide somewhere. I felt I couldn't sustain all of the energy that comes with all that attention."

The whole media obsession seems to have been exacerbated by the fact that her acceptance speech became fodder for late night comedians. Not since Sally Field's "You love me, you really love me" acceptance speech for "Norma Rae" in l979, had so many had so much fun with so little.

At Oscar time, Paltrow's father was ill, her much beloved grandfather was dying, (he has since died, and she still can't mention his name without tearing), and her brother, Jake, (who, according to the London Jewish Chronicle had a traditional Bar Mitzvah) was also having his own health problems. Not surprisingly, the actress broke down in front of the world's largest audience.

"The nightmare about that evening was that I had one of the most personal moments of my life in front of the whole world. I felt so terribly exposed," she confesses. "Of course, I'd like to go back and change some things, but that's impossible. It's there for posterity."

Paltrow countered in the only way she knew how by turning inward and taking stock of her life and career and drawing on her beliefs and background. But she doesn't like to deal with these questions in the formula celebrity interview way.

"Judaism is something you can't brush off with a quick answer," she explains. "It's part of who I am and what I've become. It's something you need to sit down and talk about for a long time to really let you understand how much it meant to me in shaping my life."

TATUM O'NEAL will be playing the lead role of Camille in the forthcoming film THE SCOUNDREL'S WIFE, set in southern Louisiana circa 1942, along with Julian Sands and Tim Curry. The film is directed by Glen Pitre, who grew up in them there parts. The movie will put you in the mood to eat boiled crawfish and pecan tarts. Michelle Benoit, the director's wife, is co-scriptwriter! Don't throw a fit like John McEnroe, simply pay up the ten bucks and enjoy the flick [McEnroe admitted in October, that Tatum was right all throughout their marriage ... "yes ... i did need a therapist terribly and now i finally have one"]. If you have a friend as messed up as Basquiat, pay his or her entrance too!

We have to admit here and now, our favorite film of the 1900s, was CIRCLE OF TWO, aka OBSESSION, in which two Scorpios showed the world what ecstatic levels sexual communion can reach, even without doing it. This was perhaps Tatum O'Neal's and Richard Burton's finest performance ever. We give this Jules Dassin film [the most admired director of Francois Truffaut], who also directed NAKED CITY and RIFIFI, two arms up touching the clouds in salute to a very fine ass film.




Please direct all your further enquiries to Bryan Adrian, publisher, at bryanadrian@operamail.com, but NEVER ON SUNDAY.


Can you identify the two dancers in this photo?


Sketch ABOVE by BILIANA KRAPTCHEVA, a Bulgarian-Canadian artist currently living in Toronto, Canada / email address:
biliana@honson.com [she needs new projects, did you get the hint?]

drawing above by BILIANA KRAPTCHEVA

Disney's and "Hello Kitty's" Cultural DE-CONSTRUCTIONISTS came to Historic NYC Times Square ... and made it into an EMPORIUM OF VULGARITY, rivaled only by the ancient markets of the victors over the sadly defeated Argos nation, unfit for Playwrights and human habitation! [but fit for the late Mayor Giuliani's only "constructive" legacy, which Money Bags Mike Bloomberg, first billionaire to just buy the few voters left in NYC's voting booths on election day, their billions of unsightly and useless scaffolds -- stuck like vertical dog turds all over the main pedestrian NYC strolling areas, disfiguring nearly every doorway and building face in town!

Have you EVER seen anything so REALLY UGLY as the "new" Times Square, and the scaffolding all over Manhattan!!!

Soon, the capital of Uzbekistan will have more charm [and better theatre too].



Manhattan Theatre Club [MTC], long a holdout against the commercial theatre money pit system, ... long loved for bestowing succor for decades to serious playwrights and actors, is now in bed with the Times Square Redevelopment Agencies, and probably the Edison Schools System too.

Watch out serious writers and actors! Get ready to land on friendlier territory, after you free fall from MTC, which is at this moment selling you out ... give us that pretty swan dive as you free fall to the pavement from the roof of the Westin Hotel! Watch out for those Edison School System Franchise bankers and lawyers toadying up behind Money Bags Bloomberg and his feind Joel Klein, as you try valiantly to pull yourself back up from the streets!

click here for Retrospective on STANLEY KUBRICK and a review by Bryan Adrian of EYES WIDE SHUT

David e. kelley can't write ... and he knows it himself. So why does he even try??

Bryan Adrian's Off-Broadway Theatre Review:
CALISTA FLOCKHART Returned
to the NEW YORK STAGE in a New Take on MEDEA,

of the Greek Tragedies, or "Akadia??,



click here for full review by Bryan Adrian

click here for Part II of THE HOLLYWOOD TATTLER ... now!

MARGI CLARKE

The inimitable Margi Clarke, of CORONATION STREET!!

click here for lots of creative wordplay by Bryan Adrian

Winter 2002 ... and Hollywood Tattler features a new reviewer in its New York City stable, Brian Fairbanks ... click here for Monica Lewinsky's PRISON NOTEBOOKS, for more on the penal colonies of the USA

"STRAIGHT TIME" [1978]

by Brian Fairbanks

Human Nature on the Run In the Trenches of the Nineteen-Seventies

Theres an eerie sequence (one of several) in the film Straight Time where Dustin Hoffman, a new victim of parole, is desperate for a job. The secretary at the employment agency (Theresa Russell) sits up straight, excuses herself to take a phone call, accidentally hangs up, apologies to her boss for not putting the call on hold correctly, flips through some papers, and checks her Rolodex. You can feel Max, Hoffmans character, ready to reach across the desk and either shake the girl to the point of understanding or kiss her so savagely that she'll realize her love is the only thing that can save him. Instead he says, I really need this fucking job.

The movie was released in 1978. Yes, Carter, the oil crisis, a mini-recession. Jobs for all! Of course, as long as you didn't mind a position you were overqualified for and would never tell your future grandkids about. The film encapsulates an era in which anything that was not up to society's standards-- including stealing a loaf of bread to survive on-- would be severely punished. Sound familiar?

Today it is no less pertinent. Certainly the convict-who-can't-go-clean and the secretary-with-the-heart-of-gold setup has long since worn out its welcome at studio pitch meetings, but for those who have missed out on it (the film isn't fawned over at schools and festivals as much as similar but inferior films like The Killing or Buffalo 66), here is what will likely serve as your only mirror from the past on the harsh realities on the post-01 lowlife. How likely is it that Hollywood will release another tale of a protagonist, a violent burglar who carelessly ropes a barely legal bookish blond into showing up for his last stand as a free spirit, and is himself practically elevated to martyr status for having to face bureaucracy, the justice system, and a society where what matters is what you have in [your wallet.] At least in jail, he reasons, respect is determined by what you really are.

Unfortunately, you will have to stick to your VCR for your dose of criminal reality. How many films will be released before Bush's retirement that depict a selfish modern-day Robin Hood wounding cops and savagely murdering a new daddy in the name of revenge and survival. Just wait.

And how often is it that a performance is so effective that you almost forget a famous actor gave it? In general, Method acting is overrated for precisely this reason: one doesn't want to actually witness Robert De Niro on heroin, that's not entertainment, that's a documentary or the audience's real-life neighborhood.

But there is no cheating from Hoffman here: sure, he may have practiced mock bank robberies during rehearsals, but what ends up on screen is not an actor who has turned into a thief or even an actor putting all his heart into his character. More like: there's Max, a character we empathize with and root for and then in the closing credits there's some guy named Dustin who's listed on the same line as him.

One thing I would have liked to have seen more of is character development. Max does seem a bit of a pawn at times, and not always an effective one. And if the filmmaker, Ulu Grosbard, a Belgian, was to go the distance to really strike at the heart of our correctional system, there would have at least more than one scene depicting an intimate monologue in which Max recalls his harsh existence in prison life. But these are small omissions, and one should not complain of a film reaching beyond its grasp.

2002 has not been a very good year for movies. Not only are sales disappointing, but even the art house crowd is giving up hope. Witness the huge success of My Big Fat Greek Wedding, which took in twenty times its indie-budget. That's wonderful news; it's too bad a more original, better film, that passed silently into oblivion didn't take its place. Here's hoping the rest of the cinema year will continue to be more like 78, and that somebody will sneak out another Straight Time.