"Life after Pop Idol for Gareth! Apparently, he has been signed up to advertise various McVities Products. My moneys on him advertising Penguins first (P-P-P-P-P-Pick up a penguin!)"

"BMG are sure that Gareth Gates is a sure fire smash with the clubbing community. They are also happy because they won't have to high an expensive DJ to remix his songs. They'll just get him to perform live!"

"Gareth Gates has been arrested for drink driving after drowning his sorrows for not winning Pop Idol. He was stopped and arrested Saturday night after the show. After appearing in court this morning he was released with a warning. The judge felt if he was to be sent to jail he would not of been able to finish his sentence!"

Gareth Gates walks into a newsagent's wanting to buy a Mars bar but he comes out with a hundred M&Ms. Why? Coz when he went to ask for a Mars bar he was like 'Can I have em...em...em...' and so forth!

30 years down the line and Gareth's been sacked. He's lost his job as a pop star so he goes off 2 the Job Centre 'cos he's got no money 'cos he's spent it all. He says to the man "Have u got any jobs for me?" and the man says "Yeah but we've only got 1 left - Selling encyclopedias" So Gareth takes the job. The man gives Gareth 10 encyclopedias and says "If you can sell these in half an hour you can have the job!" So Gareth goes off and he comes back 10 minutes later "I've sold 'em all!" "What's your secret?" The man asks. Gareth replies "I'm not telling you!" The man says "OK then." And gives him 20 encyclopedias and says "If you can sell these in and hour you can have the job!" So Gareth goes and comes back half an hour later "I've sold 'em all!' The man asks what his secret is, but Gareth refuses to tell him. So the man gives him 100 encyclopedias and says "If you can sell these in 3 hours you can definitely have the job!" Gareth goes off - an hour later he's sold them all and the man asks him again "What's your secret?" Again, Gareth doesn't tell him. The man gives him 1000 encyclopedias "If you can sell 'em all in 3 days you can have the job!" Gareth comes back a day later he's sold 'em all! Yet again he doesn't tell the man his secret. The man then gets a truck load of bibles - "There's about 1,000,000!" He says "Right I swear this time if you can sell all of these in a year you can definitely definitely have the job!" Gareth comes back a week later "Right, I've sold 'em all" The man says "Right, you can have the job, but you have to tell me your secret first" Gareth replies "Well I just say to people 'Do you want to buy an encyclopedia or do you want me to read it to you?"