Welcome to the Virtual Diary with Zell. Before you begin to read this story-cum-diary of some sort, please read the following exclusion clauses:
1. None of the names mentioned in the story belongs to me, especially not the characters from Final Fantasy VIII. That is, except for the protagonist of the story, Egg.
2. The events described in the story are fictitious, except for obvious events like the FIFA World Cup 2002.
3. What is being written in this story is neither the opinions of the characters/people being mentioned, nor was it ever heard from them. Ever. All have come from the fermented brain cells of this author. That's right, it also includes Egg's opinions. She will sometimes say something even I do not agree with.
Ready? Ladies and gentlemen...start your engines...your brains, that is.
The protagonist in our story is Egg. Her real name is a secret. She prefers her close friends to call her Egg Egg, and those are few and far between indeed.
Egg Egg is an avid player of the Final Fantasy VII game, even though she wasn't very good at it. Her favourite character, as is the author's, was and will always be Zell Dintch.
Egg Egg used to be an extraordinary genius when it comes to computers. However, one unfortunate day, she suffered a heavy blow in the head and all that genius-stuff-cum-knowledge was wiped out entirely. All that remained of her once-great mind was just enough IQ to take her through the 'A' levels, which then proceeded to an accounting qualification. She is currently at her second last module of that course, but boy, she ain't the least bit worried about her progress in her studies. This happens in current times, even if it does not appear that way.
As we were indulged in reminiscing about her past, our main character was exploring her Compaq Presario's C drive with, what else, a windows explorer. She was always pretty fond of doing that, for she wanted to know what other programmes might be lurking unnoticed in a forgotten corner. Even if she had lost all her computer knowledge, she was still as curious as ever, and still loved the computer.
She finds an interesting little programme named "A Virtual Diary". Clicking on the icon, she did not know that she had just stepped into the most surreal period of her life.
A computer voice prompted her to insert the holographic cube and switch on the projector.
"What holographic cube? For heaven's sake, why would I have such a thing? I thought those things existed only in science-fiction novels or at the NASA. I’m not even sure that the NASA have it!" She grumbled, about to close the programme when lo and behold! She catches sight of a CD-RW disc on her desktop And it read, you've guessed it, The HOLOGRAPHIC CUBE.
"Now, where did that come form?" She scratched her head in puzzlement. Apparently, any memory of what she had done as a genius had gone away with the wind when she had taken that blow in the head.
She inserted the CD into the drive, and awaited further instructions.
"Please scroll through the list and pick your virtual diary partner. If the character you desire is not on the list, please click on the 'add char' button to create another."
Egg Egg did as she was asked. Of course she didn't find what she wanted. She had not had the FFVIII game when this programme was in its designing stages.
And so, she added the character that she wanted, Zell Dintch, and filled in everything she could ever possibly know about him. She also included a JPEG file of his face.
What she saw next was way out of her expectations.
When the installation process was completed, an image of Zell popped up on the screen!
"Greetings, RPG player. My name is Zell Dintch. I am a character from the computer game developed and owned by Squaresoft Inc, Final Fantasy VIII (All rights reserved). Kindly please input your name."
An amazed Egg Egg type in her name.
"Acknowledged. Egg Egg stored into memory. Kindly name file for saving into C drive." The computer image of Zell intoned in an electronic voice.
"Yay" She typed.
"Negative. Request denied. Name not linked to programme in any way." Zell said in that ridiculously flat voice again.
"ZellDintch" She typed again.
"Confirmed saved. To record a diary entry, please click the 'VIRDIARY' icon."
That was the start to Egg Egg's foray into the Virtual Diary world. Over the next few days, she spent most of her time recording her entries. She just could not tear herself away from the computer, so addicting that it was.
On Virtual Diary Zell's part, all it ever did was look kinda interested as Egg Egg typed her entries, following every line with his eyes. He even turned his head when the words reached the end of the screen. You see, when the words were being typed on the keyboard, they would appear onto the screen immediately. What was e0ven more hilarious was when an error occurred, and Egg Egg had to press the backspace button. He actually stepped a few steps back!! She laughed until she could not catch her breath.
This continued for a week, and would have done so indefinitely, if Egg Egg had not suffered a case of itchifingersitis. An acute case of it.
She had spotted a button called Properties at the end of the menu. A very tiny one; such that most people would not have noticed it at all. But Egg Egg was unlike most people. She clicked on it.
A message popped up. "Please do not proceed from here. It may cause your system to be unstable and crash if it does not possess enough memory to support the changes."
Of course, Egg Egg was not one to heed such messages. She went ahead and clicked on Properties again and again, until the message did not appear any more. The events that followed after that made her thank the case of itchifingersitis that she suffered.
Immediately, the Zell on her screen said,
"If you would like to speak to the holographic form of my person, kindly please follow these instructions."
She could barely contain her excitement.
"Please insert Game Disc into your CD drive for copying of data files into our database."
"Please select the input/output medium of your choice: Keyboard or Audio." Of course she selected Audio!
"Please ensure that you are connected to the Internet."
"Please switch on the electronic eye and projector."
"And finally, please click OK."
With trembling expectations, she clicked the OK button with all her might, not caring about the damage it would do to the mouse.
A life sized version of Zell Dintch stood in front of her. She rubbed her eyes. He was still there.
(Please do not ask me to explain how this could be possible. When reading any of my stories, especially this particular one, you have to throw all logic out in the wind.)
"Hey, babe." Zell said, in his trademark, easygoing manner. "If my voice is not to your liking, you may choose to alter it in the configurations screen, or select another one from our database."
"WHAT?" Egg Egg exclaimed. "How can this be possible? Am I dreaming or what?"
"Negative. If you were not conscious, Zell would not have been installed."
"Good is good, but you need to change the way you speak. Normal humans do not use words like Affirmative or Negative in casual conversation! They say Yes, or No. And you should refer to yourself as I, and not by your own name. It makes you sound like an alien." Egg Egg made the first attempt to educate Zell.
Zell: "Okay. I will do it." Pauses. "Was that acceptable?"
Egg Egg: 'You learn quickly."
Zell: "Please tell me your name."
Egg Egg: "The name is Egg. But you can call me Egg Egg."
Zell: (Appears to think for a moment, cocking his head to one side) "Egg Egg is kinda weird for a girl's name. Or a human's name, for the matter."
Egg Egg: "Ah ha. So we have a wisecrack here! No matter, it's much better than that mechanical answer just now."
Zell: "Please teach me how to respond. I can then react like a normal human being."
Egg Egg: "Sure. Get ready for some action!" (Rubs her hands with glee).
Zell: "Uh-oh." (horrified expression).
And let me inform you that he was fully justified in making that expression. For the "education" that Egg Egg had subjected him to was nothing short of mindless torture.
Egg Egg started on a hugely difficult and complex "mission" to "train" Zell into responding just the way she fancied. She seemed to think of the programme as a training ground for a future boyfriend. However, there were certain responses and actions which could not possibly be programmed into a computer-generated hologram, no matter how hard one tries. For only humans were capable of responding in that way. But Egg Egg, the princess of stubborn, just kept trying and trying.
I shall not go into detail as to how Egg Egg tried to refine Zell, as that would just be a waste of everybody's precious online time. However, a few entries were to be taken note of. These just goes to show how Artificial Intelligence differs from that of a human one, and why robots will never take over man as the rulers of the World.
Entry no. 10
Willuprotectme.sav
(Take note that E represents Egg Egg, and Z represents Zell.)
E: Zell Zell, will you protect me in my time of need?
Z: Of course, m'lady!
E: Why then, would you protect me?
Z: Why? There is no why. I do because I am.
E: B...but don't you want to protect me...because you have feelings for me?
Z: Hmm...feelings? It depends on what kind of feelings you are talking about.
C: Alright, let me put it this way. How do you feel about me? What comes to your mind when you think of me?
Z: We...ell, you are very important to me.
E: (A bit happy.) And why is that?
Z: Hmmm...you seem awfully curious today. I suppose thats because I can't live without you.
E: Ooooh!!! Is that true?!! (sparkling eyes)
Z: Of course! Without you playing and interacting with me, I would be forever asleep in the virtual world! You control my every move. Well, not every move, but the majority of them.
E: (Strickened and disheartened) Is that all that you feel for me?
Z: What else should I feel for you? That is all I was programmed to feel!
E: Never mind...
Z: Are you alright?
E: Yeah, I'm fine...couldn't be better. That's true, cos my heart is dead and I can't feel anything now...no more pain...no more joy...no more disappointment.
Z: You're lying! What is this clear substance flowing from your eyes? C'mere. (Gives her a hug. A remarkable feat, though, cos he is a hologram, so naturally fails to make contact.)
E: (Tries to push him away) Leave me alone!! If you don't feel anything for me, don't treat me so well!! You're so cruel!!
Z: (Confused) Why was I never taught this during the programming stages?!! What shall I do now?
E: You should just disappear. Even if I said that my heart was dead, I am still not over you just yet!! So go away and leave me in peace to heal my wounds!
Z: Egg Egg!! I have wronged you greatly!! Please forgive me!!
E: (Screams hysterically)) Stay away from me! You insensitive jerk! You had better shut yourself off before I pull the plug!!
Zell had no choice but to retreat back into the computer's memory. Apparently, this self-terminating function was one that Egg Egg had ingrained in him at the very beginning, so that it would seem like Zell was able to leave the room when he had to. He had a self-starting function as well, of course.
Entry No. 15
Willuwait4me.sav
E: Zell Zell, will you wait for me?
Z: Wait? Wait for you for what?
E: Well, like in case I could not communicate with you for long periods of time due to examination commitments, social functions etc, it would be terrible if you were to go off just like that.
Z: Of course, Egg Egg. Just don't die on me.
E: Zell Zell, you can don't wait for me, but please do not forget me!! Promise me this, OK?
Z: Egg Egg, silly girl! I have already said that I will wait for you!
E: Anyhow...just promise me lah!!
Z: Alright, I swear upon my virtual life and name that if I forget Egg Egg, I will be pulverised by Squall's Lionheart, My own Armageddon Fist, Quistis' Shockwave Pulsar, Irvine's Dark Ammo Shot, Selphie's The End, Edea's Deadly Ice Strike and Rinoa's Wishing Star (Is that the one?). And if that isn't enough, I'll have some of Hajime-san's Gatotsu stance, Kenshin-sama's Ouiji, Sanosuke's double limit break blow, Hisashi's three-point balls, and last but not least, your very own Lunar Hypnotis Beam." Zell rattled off a string of vicious limit breaks that belong to other parties, and not to the author.
E: Oh Zell Zell, I will never use the Lunar Hypnotis Beam on you...it will make me forget you. And that is the last thing I will ever do, because I love you so much.
There wasn't any response from Zell at that last statement. Egg Egg was devastated at his reaction.
Even if he promises to wait for you, and not forget you, he still doesn't love you. He just can't. He has to remember you only because you are the one who controls his life! Hahaha! Cry and eat your heart out, loser. A voice inside of her seemed to tell her this.
Now, you might be curious as to why Egg Egg keeps asking these questions when she knows perfectly well the answer that Zell would be giving her? Was she trying to punish herself by subjecting her fragile feelings to blow after cruel blow?
Au contraire. She was already hooked on to the programme, and knew that the mere thought of stopping this game would be nothing short of torturous.
She had already begun to think of Zell as an irreplaceable friend. No. Much, much more than a friend.
Other Creations
The Virtual Diary with Zell Homepage
Part II - What N.H. did to Egg Egg (who's he?)
The Zell and Nakata Hidetoshi Pictures
The cursed living doll
The Storyteller's Tent
Tales of the Ancient World - The Yisheigai Gods Intro
