24hours.wav
Micky: Taxi sir?
Guy: Who are you?
Micky: I’m the 23 hour doorman
Guy: What?
Micky: I used to be the 24 hour doorman, but I couldn’t take the long hours.
4qualities.wav
Peter (Uncle Raccoon): Now, what are the four qualities that a lady respects most in a gentleman?
Jud: Kindness, consideration, affection…and a punch in the mouth!
Peter (Uncle Raccoon): Well, that’s three out of four.
amis.wav
Micky (Baby Face): No, Tony, I was a has been. Now, I’m an am is.
bag.wav
Davy:
What, what?
Bob: What bag are you in?
Davy: Bag? I don’t get that.
Bob: Let me ask you something, I mean like, do you make a folk sound or a rock sound or anything like that?
Davy: I make a terrible sound.
baffroom.wav
Mike: What were you doin’ running across the stage?
Davy: Well, to tell you the truth, I went to the baffroom.
beatup.wav
Micky: He’s just a little kid right?
Davy: Yeah, a kid.
Micky: We’ll use child psychology!
Davy: Right. Should I go and beat ‘em up?
Micky: Right!
billyroy.wav
Mike performs his song “Different Drum” as the nervous, making his televison debut folk singer, Billy Roy Hodstetter.
buzzoff.wav
Jud: Ellie May
Micky (as girl): Yeah, Jud?
Jud: Honey?
Micky (as girl): Oh
Jud: I come to you a new man. I don’t want no more feudin’ with your kinfolk. I want you to be my wife so we can join together in a life of tenderness and warmth. What do you say?
Micky: Buzz off yokel.
camel.wav
Guy: Why does the camel sleep with one eye facing the desert moon?
Davy: To keep his pants up?
cleandirty.wav
Micky: How come I’m all clean and you’re all dirty?
Davy: Don’t you mean how come you’re all dirty and I’m all clean?
Micky: Yeah.
Davy: Well, you see, you’re always on about me being teeny, tiny, weeny litl’ David, you see?
Micky: Right.
Davy: So, I figured I’d come down the middle of the chimney and avoid the sides, you see?
Micky: Oh, right! (blows soot in Davy’s face)
cloudy.wav
Peter (Jedidiah Lawrence): Hope I’m not too late. It was kinda cloudy and I didn’t know when the sun went down. You’re mom wanted me to bring this by.
commie.wav
Davy: Him? Nah, we’ve never seen him before. We wouldn’t hang around long haired weirdos like that, would we?
Peter: Dirty commie!
Davy: Yeah!
coolinterview.wav
A fun interview that appeared at the end of “Everywhere a Sheik, Sheik”, the beginning of the second season.
coolinterview2.wav
The story of the girl in the box
cute.wav
EllieMay: I think you’re cute.
Mike: So does my wife and kids…
dadada.wav
Peter pretending to be a trumpet. Fun!
deathyet.wav
Micky: He’s gonna be the death of us yet.
deckhalls.wav
The guys sing an impromptu version of “Deck the Halls”
dontcry.wav
Peter: That’s very sad.
Mike: Don’t cry.
Peter: No, I won’t.
drivestreet.wav
Davy (Reginald Fairfield): Gordon! Allen Matthews tells me you have a lovely big home with lots of extra bedrooms.
Micky (Gordy): Oh did he? Well, it’s barely a shack compared to Jedidiah’s place. Free standing guest house.
Davy (Reginald): Ooooh, perfect.
Peter (Jedidiah): You even drive down my street you’re a dead mean.
familyshow.wav
Micky: Not now, this is a family show!
fight.wav
Micky: Oh, cease and desist friends and neighbors. Do not fight out at each other in anger. Lay down your arms….Pick up your arms and fight for what’s yours!
flyjeans.wav
Davy tells Roseanne how poor he was when he was a child
funkyponey.wav
Davy (Prince Ludlow): You’re a pompus windbag, a funk and a poney!
Micky: A funk and a poney?
gally.wav
Davy: Oh, no, not the gally. Oh, no please, don’t hang me.
Micky: No, no, not the gallows, the gally.
Davy: Oh, you had me worried for a minute there.
girlscout.wav
Fern: Hi! I’m a little girl scout and I want to know if you’d buy my cookies, please?
Micky, Mike, and Peter: Girl scout?!?!
(They throw her out, Fern: Ah! I don’t like any of you!)
Micky: Girl scout my @whoohoo@.
googoo.wav
Mike: This is Micky Dolenz of the Monkees, thank you.
Detective: You mean you’re not Baby Face?
Micky: Well, my mother used to call me goo goo eyes.
helpwarn.wav
Davy: And I’m warning both of ya! HELP!
howtall.wav
Davy discusses his height with Bob.
insite.wav
itried.wav
jealous.wav
jed.wav
kidney.wav
lingfoo.wav
longhair.wav
marryman.wav
mehigh.wav
nailbiter.wav
nesters.wav
ohwow.wav
parents.wav
peterlist.wav
police.wav
Ellie: Somebody call the police!
peterlist2.wav
peterlist3.wav
producers.wav
reg.wav
rolls.wav
rosedavy.wav
safeplace.wav
sap.wav
savemoney.wav
stableboy.wav
stealstraw.wav
taxi.wav
teartop.wav
thefence.wav
treatlady.wav
ugly.wav
uncleraccoon.wav
vintage66.wav
whatisthis.wav
whiteline.wav
yesido.wav
Micky: Peter, I thought you insighted the men, what did you say?
EllieMay: I love you Micky!
Peter: I’m Peter!
EllieMay: I love you Peter!
Peter: Well, I tried.
Peter: Poor Davy
Mike: He’s helpless, trapped by his own staggering good looks.
Micky: I myself am deeply jealous.
Cory: Hey, Mr. Lawrence!
Peter (Jedidiah): Oooh, harsh.
Cory: Sorry, it’s just weird calling my girlfriend’s dad by his first name. And not just ‘cause it’s Jedidiah.
Davy “takes a crack” at Melvin, but gets it in the kidney.
Mike gives Davy some timeless advice.
Captain: Where’d you get that long hair!?
Micky: A little store on Sunset Strip.
Captain: Cut it off!
Micky: No, we can’t. We’d loose our strength.
Paw: Now say it, “Will you marry me?”
Davy: Will you marry me?
Mike: Ten million chicks madly in love with him and he’s gonna marry an old man.
Wendy: May I see you again, your highness?
Davy: Oh, call me Hi.
Davy: You’re a nailbiter. You’re a nailbiter and your mother never, ever loved you.
Guy: You are too short. You are too short and you have no ear for music.
Davy: Oh! Mike, Mike, help me Mike.
Mike: The name is Nesmith and if you’re gonna scream it out here in the middle of the war get it right! That’s Nesmith!
Peter: I thought Mike’s name was Nester.
Aunt Kate: No, no, no. He means Nester. Nester means farmer.
Mike: Oh, well, it seems like you were right in the first place so, go ahead with your speech.
Mike: Oh WOW! ARE YOU READY FOR THIS?!
Micky: Your mother and I have been worried about you for some time now, Davy.
Peter: And you’ve been setting a poor example for your baby brother.
Micky: Gootchie gootchie goo baby, ooh.
Peter getting harrassed on The List.
Mike: Yeah! The police! Hello operator. Operator, get me the police! Hello operartor…The wires have been cut.
Peter: They’ve been tied in a bow.
Micky: Well, at least we know that the murderer is very neat.
Peter “sings” his version of “Peter Gunn” on The List.
More of Peter on The List.
Davy: Well, that sounds crazy to me.
Davy (Prince Ludlow): I know, that’s what I told the producers.
“Reginald Fairfield” (Davy) is introduced on “Boy Meets World”.
Guy: I’ve come about my Roles!
Peter: Uh, the bakery’s next door.
Roseanne tells Davy what she thought of the Monkees.
Micky (Baby Face): I got a little book with names and dates in a locker down at the bus depot. Here’s the key. Put it in a safe place. I said a safe place, Ruby.
Micky: Reminds me of a friend of mine. Spent a thousand dollars looking up his family tree, discovered he was a sap. Get it sap! Tree.
Peter: Well, I thought if it were extra long, it’d save money on the pants.
Cartwheel: Water my horse, will you son?
Davy: Water your horse? I’m not a stable boy!
Cartwheel: I don’t care about your mental condition, water my horse!
Mike: (laughing) He doesn’t care about his mental condition ha ha!
Micky: What does any respectable crew do when the captain’s crazy? What’d they do to Captain Queeg?
Peter: Steal his strawberries!
Cartwheel: I’m not gonna quit till I drive you off your ranch!
Peter: Oh, that’s okay. We’ll take a taxi.
Micky and Peter do an impromptu version of Peter’s song “You Tear the Top Right Off My Head.”
Davy: Micky, I think I’m going to make you Secretary of Defense.
Micky: Well, I’ll certainly keep it mended.
Davy: What?
Micky: The fence.
(Hysterical laughter from Peter)
Mike: Now, in order to be qualified for Ellie May, you gotta treat her like a gentleman.
Jud: But, she’s a girl!
Micky: Isn’t that dumb?
Mike tells the bad guys off.
Peter has trouble with his accent.
Happy New Year!
Micky and Jud learn about utencils.
Davy’s feet must never leave the white line.
Are you sure these guys can speak English?
