Title: Drunkendisorderly
Author: Danielle
Rating: PG (There’s one swear word)
Disclaimer: All characters from the television series ‘Stargate SG-1’ belong to Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I’m only borrowing them for my personal entertainment, and I promise I’ll put them back all nice and proper. I didn’t profit from writing this piece, though if someone wants to pay me huge wads of cash for the copyright, I won't argue. All original characters and situations belong to me, but you can use them if you really want to - just mail me first. Also mail me first if you want to archive this somewhere else. Thank you kindly.
Summary: Two of the members of my version of SG-1 indulge in something that has some strange effects.

Drunkendisorderly

“Hello mister head-guy-type-person!”

“Rhya? Is there something wrong?”

“No, mister big-cheese-star-type-person.”

“Uh, Colonel O’Neill?”

“She drank something on the last trip that didn’t quite agree with her, Sir.”

“Why isn’t she in the infirmary?”

“Because there’s nothing really wrong with her. She’s just smashed off her little nut.”

“Hey! Who are you calling little?”

“Put your chest back where it belongs. That can’t be comfortable.”

“Comfortable, schmarmumfertable.”

“Whoah, mouthful.”

“Mister head-honcho-dude, your’s are bigger than his!”

*Choke* “My what?!?”

“Your star-type-thingy-wokkies. They’re bigger than... Whass your name again other-honcho-person?”

“Mr Blobby.”

“Blobby? Wow, thassa a wierd name, did your mother give it to you?”

“And my Uncle Hubert.”

“Sir!”

“Lighten up Carter, she isn’t going to remember this tomorrow.”

“What makes you so sure? She can read our minds you know.”

“We’ll make sure she doesn’t want to.”

“Oh, I see.”

“Hey!!! Jack-y!!!”

“I thought his name was Mr Blobby.”

"Nononononononono!!! It’s Jack-y wack-y!!”

“Why did we let those pair near that stuff?”

“Because you were the one that didn’t want to strut around in the raw for the ceremony. Sir.”

“Oh right.”

“Jacky-y wack-y, Jack-y wack-y! Guess what?”

“What Daniel.”

“You’re a donkey and I’m not!”

*Hysterical giggles* “You’re funny little-four-eyed-cute-type-person!”

“I have four eyes? Where are they?”

“In your head, silly.” *Giggle*

“Oh God, shoot me now.”

"If you insist Sir.”

“Carter!”

“Oh sorry. Just getting into the feel of things.”

“Does that mean you’ll be strutting around in a bedsheet soon?”

“Sir!”

“Well, a guy can hope.”

“Blobby-dude!”

“Yes Rhya?”

“If I rub the un-hairy bit on the cheesy-dudes head, do I get to make a wish?”

“Wishes, wishes, wishes!! Me too!”

"Me first!”

“No, me first!”

“No, me!”

“Jack-y, wack-y!”

“Let her rub the General’s head first Daniel.”

“Rub my WHAT?!?!?”

“Uh, nothing-”

“Your head! I get to make a wish then!”

“Oh do you now...?”

“Yup, yup, yup! Me first! I wanna be first!”

“No sons-of-various-silly-persons, ME first!”

“I’m not a son! I’m a... a Tellystubby!”

“Whassa Tellystubby?”

“I dunno. But they’re big and red and, and... they’ve got these things coming out of their heads!”

“If you don’t mind, Colonel O’Neill, I’ll cancel this debriefing until later.”

“I think that’s a good idea Sir.”

“Mr bald-cheese-guy?”

“Yes Daniel?”

“What do your stars mean?”

“They mean I’m a Major General.”

“Majorly General? Like a Majorly General of the army?”

“Are they near your hand-ys?”

“No, Rhya. They’re not.”

“Aaaawwww.... The head-type-dude-person hasn’t got any army-s! Poor Majorly General.”

“We should give him a huggy-wuggy to make it all better!”

“Hug!! Group hug! Big group hug!!!”

“Oh shit!”

“If you run now, Jack, she might not get you...”

“Rhya! Let me go!”

“Too late.”

“Do you feel better now Jack-y Blobby?” *Giggle*

“I’d feel better if you’d let go of my butt.”

“Oh, did I grab you there? *Giggle* Thorry.”

“Carter, save me.”

“I suggest we put them in the - Daniel, let go of me!”

“No fair, she got to hug Jack-y wack-y.”

“Not there.”

“Spoil-sport.” *Pout*

“Don’t do that Daaaaaaaaaanny! That means you have to be k-”

“Oh brother.”

“Er-schmacked!”

“Whasdat?”

“I’ll show you!”

“No you won’t!”

“Let me go Blobby-wobby!! Make him let me go Daaaaaaaaanny!”

“You’re both going beddy-byes.”

“But Jack-y, I don’t wanna sleep with you!”

*Choke* “I don’t think they heard you in AUSTRIA!”

“Good one Sir.”

“Carter, I’ll put them in with you...”

“I’ll be good.”

“Daaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“Super Danny coming to the rescue!”

“Woohoo!! Super Daaaaaaaaaaanny!! Can you fly?”

“Yepyepyepyep!! Watch!”

“Carter, stop him before he jumps out the window!!”

*Grunt* “No you don’t Daniel.”

“But I wanna fly!”

“Trust me, you’re as high as a kite already.”

“Kite? Where?”

“Up my-”

“Sir!”

“Oh alright Carter. Let’s just get these two into a holding cell.”

“You take Super Danny here, and I’ll grab Rhya before she chews any more off the table.”

“Oh that’s just disgusting!”

“Whassit like?”

“Woody. But I like it!”

“Me try, me try!”

"Me go ni-ni!” *Snore*

“There is a God, and right now, he loves me!”

“A person called god loves you Jacky-wacky? Kinky!”

“Carter....?”

“Daniel, go to sleep.”

“Okies. Read me a story?”

“There once was a boy called Daniel. One day, he was beaten into a bloody pulp by a person called Jack for being an annoying twit. The end.”

“Sankoo. Ni-ni!” *Snore*

“I don’t know about you, Sir, but I’m all for leaving them here.”

“I second that motion. Let ‘em wake up feeling like hell tomorrow. Right now, I need a stiff drink.”

“Mind if I join you?”

“Not at all.”

*Snore*