News that belongs in the past
Hurricane
Naming Scandal
By Grey Weather
The world is up in arms as it has been announced that the rich, famous,
and anyone wanting any of the above, are paying to have their names associated
with natural disasters.
Once upon a time this would have been the other way around, just as Marilyn
Manson chose his name to shock we would have seen an increase in people
going by the name Katrina, Haiti or Tsunami, which only really got creepy
if Katrina was a seven foot tall guy with a five o’clock shadow at
10am.
However this is a new direction with an old trick, rather than adopting
an attention getting name the age of Reality TV has introduced a new form
of attention whore, and they’re willing to pay to have their name
splashed about.
The latest example is Hurricane Earl, a massive storm heading towards the
US and generally smacking over the already bruised coast.
Reportedly this latest disaster named after the infamous karma related comedy
“My Name is Earl”.
The show itself was a reasonable success, however it was cancelled for reasons
largely unknown, though believed to relate to a lack of cowbell.
While no direct evidence ties this naming to any of the creators, stars
or production staff, there is a line of evidence which shows this purchase
was made by a group of Scientologists.
Though a tenuous link, the fact that the star and a major supporting actor
of “My Name is Earl”, as well as a number of recurring guest
starts are Scientologists, well, it’s the sort of numbers game that
makes you understand why “Valkyrie” did as well as it did in
the box office.
And yet this is not limited to a major religious movement with shadowy,
mysterious and potentially dangerous intentions.
Cher is hoping for a fifth career comeback, fearful that people will remember
her more for her daughter-turned-son rather than her, uh, music.
Sources close to the, uh, entertainer, have said that she is looking into
having the next sizable town devastated by an earthquake named after her.
Residents of California, Japan and a dozen other earthquake hotspots are
despondent, hoping that disaster strikes somewhere else, lest they find
themselves living in Cher.
A somehow even uglier turn is the story that Japan is looking at ways to
trigger an earthquake elsewhere in the world to deflect this fate from themselves.
Govenator Arnold Schwartzennager is said to be in negotiations to make it
Seattle.
There has been one regrettable follow on effect: No one wants to allow a
celebrity to name an asteroid, meteor or any other object in space, lest
it impact on Earth.
Possibly the only thing worse than finding yourself in Cher is being hammered
by David Bowie, Mick Jagger or Alfred Hitchcock.
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