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Canard a la huile
By Puns McKenna

Come try the amazing new dishes to be prepared at the charity event, “Cook for the Crude!” The benefit is being held in Venice, Louisiana on August 28th, Special guests that have been invited to attend the Vice president of BP, President and First lady Obama, the head of the EPA, and several members of the oligarchy that is PETA. Celebrity chef’s from every cooking show in America are planning to create several multi-course meals for the guests, using the local flora and fauna that have been affected by the oil geyser spilling into the Gulf of Mexico.

Several species of wild shellfish are going to be the stars in dishes designed to highlight the environmental impact of the Earth’s natural resources inhabiting their ecosystem. A complete menu can be found on the event’s website: The will also be an open bar featuring drinks with au natural theme to them. On the entertainment front, several famous bands have been invited to play at the benefit concert; however, no disclosure of who will actually be attending has been made.

Our sources have disclosed that the ticket price for this gala event begins around the thousand-dollar mark, though an exact amount has not been stated. In one interview, I was able to get one person to admit that they would have paid much more than the thousand-dollar price on the condition that Martha Stewart was not allowed to host. To the great relief of many, the host has turned out to be Rachel Ray. Though it was apparently a very close shave between her and Mike Tyson.

Many people have insinuated that this gala may be in poor taste, which seems somewhat ridiculous to this reporter. The event is designed to raise money and awareness about the ginormous disaster in the Gulf. All of the dishes and decorations will be made recyclable materials and hand thrown crude oil based jars. Due to the attendees’ convictions all proceedings will be geared towards the fuzzy tree hugging bunny lovers, so as to not offend anyone.

The gala is currently planned to take place over the course of the entire weekend. Original ideas were bandied about of having the event during the Labor Day weekend, but the many celebrations already planned for that weekend made it too difficult to be practical. Media coverage of the weekend long event promises to be nationally broadcast, and may even make it overseas. Special consideration is going to be given to the Islamic terrorists in the Middle East, followed closely by the illegal insurgents into the US from Mexico.

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