Past Sports

 

 

Past Sports from the past week.

Past sports article for the week of 10/31/09


Rumble In the Arctic Restart Rumoured
By Grey Sports (Continued from Cancellation)

Just as the grand race to decide dominion over the North Pole and itís theoretically vast mineral riches, as well as the possible beachfront property options, has announced closure by the worldís governments corporations step in to lay their claims.
Stating that their lack of nationalistic tendencies places them perfectly to exploit the Arctic for all of humanity the corporations of the world have decided that nonetheless the race shall go forward in order to decide which flag goes where and what colour the hats will be.
NASCAR and itís assorted corporate sponsors appear to the major motivators behind this initiative, in part because they have a ready access to drivers with no sense of their own mortality and their sense of showmanship may drum up the sort of interest that government attempts failed to capture.
Another significant player is a shadowy cabal of scientists who have stated that they can now reanimate the dead.
The value of this was not initially realised until it was announced that all NASCAR drivers will be assisted by celebrity navigators.
When asked if this reanimation process was nothing more than a cheap attempt to play God one scientist responded that it was ď . . . not an attempt to play God, simply the application of good science. It will all be for science. Moo hoo ha ha.Ē
Names dropped in the reanimation stakes so far include Frank Sinatra, Amelia Earhart, Kurt Cobain and Britney Spearsí career.
Some have wondered why famous people would make good navigators, but letís face it, this is all about the promotion.
However the notion that Amelia Earhart could be reanimated has more than a few people asking how someone can be reanimated without a corpse.
NASCAR has attempted to blow smoke over this realisation by racing cars really, really fast.
Current plans for continuing the race are based on picking up where world governments left off, gave up and went out for frozen yogurt.
Unfortunately that point consists of nothing but constant bickering with no decisions. The method of the race, the route of the race, even victory conditions had yet to be fully codified.
All the same big business has declared itís intention to hold this race and determine who shall control the vast Arctic wealth. And it shall be done so with machines plastered in logos and followed by cameras. The nearest thing to a firm decision is that the whole thing will be televised to off set production costs.
Still awkward questions are being asked about Amelia Earhartís remains.

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