Most Recent Entries
Dear Dr Quinzel,
Before I begin, I trust
that you will respect my wish to keep this correspondence entirely secret.
Everyone in my native city knows that I am a man of upstanding moral rectitude,
and if this brief lapse were to be made known it would prove extremely
damaging to my reputation. I would therefore like to be assured that this
is in the strictest confidence, and that you will not plaster it up on
your webpage where everyone in the world may peruse it at their leisure.
Currently I am the Minister
of Justice in a well-known European city. Renowned for my dignity and virtue,
I considered it my duty to set an example for the rest of the rabble. This
was easy enough for me, as no woman had ever proved seductive enough to
distract me. Until this morning, when, for the first time in sixty years,
a beautiful semi-naked woman sat in my lap and kissed me (on the nose).
She later placed herself directly in my path and invited me to sniff at
her perfumed hair and touch her soft warm flesh. Now a daemonic image of
her mocks and tempts me wherever I turn - I feel her, I see her, and the
sun caught in her raven hair is at present blazing in me out of all control.
What would you recommend
I do to alleviate this hideous temptation?
if yer so aspected how come *I* neva heard of ya? Ah well, I spose I'll
take yer word for it! ;) (note to self: grandiosity disorder)
I'm GLAD ya came to me, cuz as it so happens yer particular problem is
one I am well aquainted with! See, all the time I was Mistah J's head shrinker,
I felt the terrible temptation to just FLING myself inta his arms and go
for it right there on the doctah's couch, ya know?? But I kept saying :
I'm his shrink, he's my patient, and I resisted and resisted until I thought
*I* would go mad! Can ya believe? ANYWAY my point is, I didn't start to
feel myself again until I *GAVE* into these urges! Until I accepted that
this was the guy for me and there was no two ways about it!
it's what YOU gotta do too! Give in to it!!! Don't you worry about yer
reputation, trust me these things never make ya look as bad as ya think,
I'm still head shrinkin and I'm with Mistah J, ain't I? YES!
to me like this chick's playin hard to get. Don't worry - just PURSUE her!
Relentlessly! Follow her, tell her how you feel! This way she will realise
the depth of your feelings for her!
er...I'd do something about yer wardrobe, "C". Long black dresses and lipstick
arent' really the kinda thing that get a gal's toes tappin, ok? Oh and
lose that hunchbacked henchman what keeps pokin his head round the corner
- hunchbacked henchman neva got the girl!
Quinzel - giving advice thruout time!
Help!!!!! you don't know me,
but I've got a BIG problem! Ya see, I'm obsesed with the most amazing guy
in the world, but I'm not obsesed enough!!!!! I love him all to death,
would crawl across broken glass for him, and have put aside the difference
of almost 33 years in age between us, but I still feel pethetic and worthless
in the presence of his other fans. I watch him when ever i can, read though
HUNDEREDS of articals and fan fics and titles at a hint at his persence,
but still I feel unworthy!!!! What should I do!!!!! I kiss his name and
image when ever it appears, and his voice fills my computer, but it seems
not enouph! Should I go on a merderous rampage to show my effection, stalk
him, or try to force (hehe force,i melt) my way into his family by trying
to get into arelationship with one of his children. Or should I just kiddnap
him and rape him?
Your the Doc, tell me!!!!
Oh, and say hi to MrJ for
me, can you just ask him to say something, ANYTHING, for me. Thanx.
P.S. don't get mad, I'm
not in love with your puddin', (just that voice....) it's the man behind
his voice on the tv show that makes my sun rise and set.
ta begin with, this sounded like a prob I would have no prob helpin ya
out with! (even tho *my* Puddin is the most amazing awesme guy in the world!).
Anyhoo, like I said - I thought - ya know, I've been here, I'll be able
to help this chicky out NO worries.
I read yer PS!!
Voice "behind" my Puddin?? Eh? Whatchoo think my Puddin ain't real and
someone else does his voice for him or somethin? What is this hooey? Tv
show? EH??? Yer makin me feel Canadian here, girly! Look, you obviously
have some serious dillusional issues here. I suggest a labotomoy.
Quinn - don't use big words.
dearest dr. quinzel,
ok here goes. do you know
the insane clown posse- shaggy 2 dope and violent j? i figured, hey, you're
all psycho-killa clowns, you must be aquainted. well anyway, i was obsessed
with shaggs for years. i thought he was the most wonderful, sexy, funny,
creative guy in the world and i would do anything for him. (i figured you
could relate to that) he finally realized how much i care about him and
we hooked up about 5 months ago. he was finally MINE...............until
he cheated on me. i don't want to kill him. in fact i forgave him. i mean
he could've had that 12 year old slut but he chose ME! he MUST love me!
i mean he says he loves me, he's just not IN-love with me....
and then there's j. he's
the brains behind the icp and as far as my standards go, he's almost as
perfect as my clown-luv, shaggy. i always knew he had a thing for me too,
but just recently, he decided he couldn't take it anymore and he poured
his heart out to me how much he loves me. now he's completely obsessed
with ME-he calls me everyday and comes to visit me allllll the time. he's
always telling me he loves me and he does sweet things for and says sweet
things to me and treats me better than my clown-luv does. i always loved
him, i'm just not IN-luv with him! *sigh* they both know what's going on
and now they expect me to chose between them! j loves me as much as i wish
shaggy does-how can i chose?! what should i do? much clown luv,
off, you HAVE to be true to yer heart. Ya gotta be with the man that ya
really truly honestly love. I KNOWS he cheated on ya, but true love prevails!!!!
It don't mean he doesn't love ya - he was TESTING YOUR loyalty!!!! Now
ya have to prove that ya love him, and this other fella probably ain't
making him feel so secure, ya know? AND he's the tricky thing - they always
treats ya nice until they got ya - and then it just goes down to forgettin
yer anniversary and not calling when they said they would - so in the end,
it's just the best to be true to yer heart! :)
for the other fella - ooh - there's a doozy. I had this problem ya know
- with that lame brain try hard Creeper - they just don't get that NO MEANS
NO!!! Ok - try and splain to him that you just don't love him like that,
and then if he persists, drop a piano on his head!
Quinzel - of course I have a degree!
Hi ya nice lady ma'am. Hope
your enjoying your stay in grubby ol' Arkham, I'm tryin' to find away into
the place! See, thats my problem, I justdon't seem to have what it takes
to make it in this 2-bat 1-bird 1-whatever-the-who-nightwing-is town. I've
done the normal: I'm my own self made psychopath with all the trimmin's.
Yes I sorta copied your idea, but I have no intention of dirtin' you name
or you image, or trying to take you man, not that me and every other girl
in Gothem doesn't want him but.... we're not stupid, though some are crazy........nevermind,
I'm off the subject. I've tryed robbin' banks and jewelry stores, the murderin'
and the beatin', but I'm gettin' no where. Maybe if I try settin' fire
to batsy's cape.....
Well, oh mistress of mayhem,
oh diva of disaster, how can I start gettin' some attention around this
place!! All I want is a padded cell to call my own, and a rap sheet, and
my own lil' saringe of lithium, and a puppy, YEAH A PUPPY!!! eep, to much
So, divine Miss Q., if you
could offer some ideas to speed my accent into thoughs hallowed walls,
I'd be foreva' greatfull!! :)
from a davoted Harleyite,
newbies! Yeesh! HONEY! Ya wanna get in here - ya wanna get famous - ya
wanna get yer picture in the paper - YA GOTTA GET CAUGHT!! Duh-uh! Lookin
forward to seein ya down the hall in Arkham!
the Doc Quinn - Good fer what ails ya!
I am obsessed with this hot
Eurpean guy. Problem is, he's older than me, is sort of a wanderer, has
tons of girlfriends other than me, lives in medieval France, and if I ever
get near him, he'll hang me! I've heard that a friend of yours, Herlikin,
has the same problem, so maybe you could help me, too? ;)
ACKSHULLY honey pie, my good buddy Herlikin has NO problems with this medieval
dude - who we all know is CLOPIN (yum - don't tell Mistah J) begin faithful
to her - ya see - ya ever heard of "alternate universes"? Ya see, in Herli
and Clopin's universe, they're married, they have kids, they have a great
life together and Clopins' left his wandring bachelor days behind him!
(oh for Mistah J and me to do that *jealous*) Have
a look.So ya just gotta find YOUR universe - it'll take a bit of dimension
hoppin, but you'll get there. Course, Herli was luckycos she was born in
her universe with Clopin, but ya shouldn't have too much trouble settling
down and preparing to seduce and entice that Universe's Clopin to be yer
own - of course the only problem with that is when all the gals from the
various 'verses get together they're all convinced that THEIR Clopin is
the "REAL" Clopin and all the others are phonies - Course me and Herli
know HER Clopin is the real original one - but what can ya do? The delusional
will delude themselves! *shrugs*
Quinzel - ba ba baaaaaaaaaaaaa (cool, huh? My own fanfare!)
QUINZEL - CONTINUED!
TO THE HAVEN