Current happening in life:
Oct 5... Well I have been very lazy lately when it comes to me updating this site. New stuff in my life? I got a car yay :) a 87' Ford Taurus for $500. Needs to be fixed up a bit but thats to be expected. You should have seen us trying to drive it home, the brakes were shot. I also got my guitar, (finally) and I'm in love with it! It's become a habit to get up and play something for a few hours. At work their training me for shift manager YAY I feel important. :) I finished sewing my corset, didn't think it would turn out because it is only the third thing I've ever sewed but it actually looks quite pretty. But that is about all that's new right now, I am finally quite content with my life. (Lets see how long this lasts!)
Oct 9... what is it that makes people suck pricks? I took down my guestbook because someone who didn't like me, decided to bash me... I'm sorry if I'm not who you want to socialize with.. just don't go out of your way to attempt to make my life hell. No I do not think "oh I'm so goth" quite the contrary... I hate being defined and just because yes my website is slightly cheezy and "goth-like" does not mean a thing. So will you people stop tormenting me! Oh and my dear Daniel, I doubt you even looked at my page or my pics, because in it I hardly think I came off looking like a mopey freak. I enjoy life and your mild threats to make my life hell at the clubs isn't going to stop me from having fun!
Oct 10... I've come to realize something, when you first think of goth you think of the people who were rejected from society. The ones who have gone through so much shit and pain in their lives that you'd think you could relate to them. But really 95% of the goths that I have meet here in edmonton are stuck up "holier then thou" chauches. They think that since they are so "original" they have the right to be mean to who ever they wish. I have been through hell in my life, never overly liked, but that did NOT turn me into a snarling bitch like the ones I have encountered! I pride myself on the fact that even though my life has been shity that I keep on smiling. As for you people who wonder why I dress the way I do... simply because it is what I'm comfortable in. Yes those corsets that make it hard to breath, I love to wear! They make me feel pretty and wanted. I pity these people who cannot find comfort in the simple things in life, I hope one day that you do, for although I despise every last one of you, I cannot see how you enjoy living like that.
Dec 20... Why is it I'm always sick for christmas? I think it may be the stress levels, the thought of family coming over isn't all that appealing. The pizza hut christmas party was so much fun! I love to dance but since I am still underage I don't have the opertunity to go that much. They booked it at a place called cowboys... horribe music but I got to dance so I was happy. We danced on the speakers most of the night, Mathew is an admazing dancer, maybe because he gay though. I saw my ex-girlfriend, she has been working for pizza hut for a month and I'm so jealous she got a eyebrow ring. (been hidding it at work by putting a bandaid over it, why didn't I think of that?!) The most admusing moment was when I was dancing to the chicken dance and the only other "goth" came in and glared at me, I just burst out laughing. Yesterday I finished my christmas shopping joy :) It was strange, I was coughing non stop but then I spelled this smell and I followed it into an aromatherapy store, and I stoped coughing while I was in there. (yum smelly stuff) Actually for the past month I have been so hyper and happy! It's wonderful! I mean I got another message from Daniel's friend, Aundrey (spell that right?) about oh you suck blah blah blah blah, I started laughing and responded "I love you too." I almost feel like I've achieved the happiness and the spirituality that I have always wanted. *dances again*
Jan. 11/2001... Hmm I've wanted to move out for at least 3 yrs now, quite a few times after my parents and I have fought i had found out where i could go, where i could live. Now me and my parents don't fight, we are actually getting along and I see some sense to their insanity. I still want to move out, to acheive that freedom I seek, but now I almost feel like I'm betraying them to do it. They have given me everything and more then most parents will give to their children, and I feel guilty for being so selfish. I mean when I do leave, it will be such a shock for my mother in fact I'm pretty sure that she will cry. But must I stay here? To make sure everyone around me is happy? I can't say I'm not happy, right now I actually am. Simply because me and my parents are getting along. But how long will that last? I don't want to leave them when we are in a state of hatred towards each other. I also fear that I won't be able to survive out there. So many things, worries, fears, thoughts... sigh.. Actually hold on I just fiqured it out. Mother knows I want to move out, but I haven't told her anything about it. And since I haven't told her about anything that's been happening (technically doing it all behind her back) that is what is making me feel quilty. And I think for some strange reason I want her to be apart of this big step in my life. I'm still happy all the time, works telling me that I should face it and start shoping at the gap.. shudder.. I hate those clothes with a passion. (According to them I have to bitch and mope to dress the way I do, yesk the view the world has of itself shall never change)
