(Jessie's note: For some odd reason this is my fave song on Dirt! I honestly don't know why that is.)
Let me tell you a story about Scary Ned
Scariest guy to ever wet a bed
He had hands on his arms
And eyes on his head
But they weren't his
He'd go down to the market
And try to scare the fish
He said that they bothered him
They weren't his favourite dish
Then he'd go down to the highway
And pretend that he was dead
That was just the way he was
Creepy, Scary Ned
Oooooohhh, oooooohh, Scary Ned.
Ned loved Hallowe'en
Cuz he didn't need a mask
He'd steal the children's candy
And he didn't even ask
He'd sit right down in front of them
And then start to eat
And tell them they were better off
That stuff can rot your teeth
Ooooooohhh, oooooooohh, Scary Ned.
A strange glow would come
From his place late into the night
He'd watch TV 'til the dawn
And you know that that ain't right
And if he started to get tired he'd
Put sauerkraut on his head
That's just the kind of guy he was
Good old Scary Ned
Ooooooohhh, ooooooohh, Scary Ned.
He had a face his mother
Didn't even love
When people saw him on the street
They often said, "uuughh"
And sometimes late at night
He'd walk alone
He'd be reciting stuff
Bad sounding stuff
Icky awful stuff
But when you got to know him
He weren't so bad.
Oooooohhh, oooooohh Scary Ned.