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(Jessie's other note: I remember my OAC English teacher talking to us about bad cars. He had a long rant on a certain car he reffered to as "a horrible deathtrap"... the Horizon. Guess Mike wasn't the only one who had bad luck!)

*spoken intro*

From the deepest, darkest depths of...WHITBY!

Comes this sordid tale of speed...

Murderous mayhem..

Cataclysmic combustion...

Picturesque powered pistons...

Accellerating automotive alarms...

Stunningly stupifying stereo stunts!

One man... a dream... a car... a 1984... Plymouth... HORIZON...


I loved the car from tail to grill

I wouldn't change a thing

I wouldn't trade the ashtray

For the Queen's engagement ring

But things they started going wrong

And went from bad to worse

The clutch went kinda funny

Then I couldn't use reverse

Still I loved my baby

And would not admit defeat

Just because it left a trail

Of rust along the street

It kept on running bravely

On duct tape and a prayer

Plus a monthly tribute to

The guy who did repairs

It all seems so unfair!

(The man was glad the day he bought)



Till one day on the parking lot

They called 401

My car became the meat between

A Buick-Honda bun

I saw some parts go flying

That you really need to drive

My car had become roadkill

Though it never was alive

Left a muffler in the passing lane

A hubcap in the slow

The windshield on the median

A headlight in the snow

And as I skidded off the road

The other drivers laughed

My middle-finger greeting

Would be my epitaph

Death would come at last

(Here lies the man who dared to buy)


Now I look at my bent fender

The twisted wheel rim

I wonder if Horizon

Will ever drive again

But I know that this was not the end

Road warriors die hard

And I signed this Mr. Iacoca's

Organ donor card

The steel will get recycled

And they'll build another car

Bigger, faster, stronger

An automotive star

My quest will then begin

And revenge will soon be mine

As I drive my gleaming three-door

Orange Chrysler Frankenstein

Searching for that Buick

To try to end its days

We'll settle off the score

And then we'll drive away

(The sun will rise again on the)


My Horizon!

My Horizon!