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The Last Childe

A one-part story occurring in Season 7. Season 6 spoilers. Spike reveals that Willow and Tara's love inspired him to wish for a soul.

Can't go in can't go in can't go in.

Not again.

Can't go in can't go in. The place of pain. I hurt. I can't go into the darkness. I am darkness. I hurt. I hurt so many people. So many so many so many.

The sun. The sun is here. The sun will burn the hurt away. I won't be darkness. I'll be light. Light and flame, flame and light.

The burning is starting. The hiss of death. The pain. Bloody hell! But worse pain inside the cave. That's where it happened! Can't go back in there.

But I must!

I must make a new me. I must live and hurt. Live and hurt and hurt and live.

The darkness of the cave cools the burning. I still live and I still hurt. But only myself now. I will only hurt myself. It's what I deserve. Pain and fear. This place is fear.

"So, you have returned."

Voice deeper than the pits of Hell. Burning eyes. Hands that did this to me!

"Looks that way, mate."

"What's done is done and cannot be reversed."

"I hurt. I feel every one of them, every death, every second. Every bite, every snapping neck, every last choking breath. I feel them now. Every second of every day. Every morning I wake up screaming, and then I remember I've re-made myself, and then I remember I haven't, and then I scream some more."

"We can offer you only death. A slow death."

"One of these days I may take you up on that. But I want something else, and I know for a fact you can give it."

"What we can give you, you already have. You paid the price and left with what you came for."

"And I'll never stop paying the price. But I'm here to face the trials again."

"Then you have come here to die after all."

"No. I'm here to fight for someone else this time. Not for myself. That's allowed, right? I can face the trials for anyone I like?"

"No. You cannot."

"Bollocks."

"No one may face the trials twice."

Movement behind me. A soft but determined voice. "Stand aside, Spike. You're not facing the trials for me. This is my fight and mine alone. It's your plan to do this, but it's my heart and soul. You brought me to Africa, you showed me the cave. Your part is done."

I do believe she's crazier than me. "You'll die."

"You beat the trials."

"Yeah, well, I beat two Slayers, too. And I started this thing, so I'll bloody well finish it. You want this so bad it burns you from the inside out, but that doesn't make you strong enough. You're knackered just from taking a turn carrying that!"

The glowing eyes watch patiently as we argue. My companion lowers the heavy ball of canvas and rope onto the ground with a grunt. But there's determination in her eyes. "You obviously haven't heard everything that happened while you were gone."

I know she was very, very bad. Just as bad as me, bad bad bad."You know," I tell her quietly, "you're the reason I came here in the first place."

She stares at me. "Please tell me you didn't just say that. Because if there's anything more hopeless than you and a Slayer, it's you and a lesbian."

"Don't worry, you're not my type, Red. But I saw what you and Tara had. Two souls as one. The most beautiful love in the world. When the Niblet told me you two birds were an item again, it didn't even surprise me. That's when I realized what I had to do. I came to tell you before I left, but you weren't home. I finally knew what Buffy deserved, and I knew how to give it to her. Two souls as one. Doesn't really work when only one of you has a soul."

"No. It doesn't." She sighs wearily and addresses the demon. "I'm ready for the trials."

"Very well. Then it is you who will die."

A warrior with fists of fire steps out from a passage. Willow looks at him calmly. "I said, the trials."

"This combat is the first trial. And for you, the last."

"I would like to face all of the trials at once, please."

"You are a fool."

"If that's violating some ancient demon law then I'll do this any way I have to. But I would like to face all the trials now. Please."

"Very well."

A horde of beasts emerges from various passages. Everything from very large beetles to very small dragons. So, the witch wants to die. Why drag me here to do it? But this was my plan, not hers. I always meant to come back here a second time. But I didn't. I lost my mind instead. I hid in the darkness under the school, with too much heart and too little mind. Listening to the screams of a hundred years of killings. Their screams and mine. Even the rats sound like dying children to me now. I forgot all about my little plan until Will came to me.

The witch opens the fingers of one hand at her side. "I take from the Earth. I give to the Earth. I am part of the Earth. The power of the Earth flows through me."

A blinding flash arcs from the ground to her fingers and vanishes. Now her eyes are a pure, blinding white. The advancing monsters hesitate. She slowly raises her hand, palm outward. "You are children of the Earth, as am I. The Earth is the Mother of all things, and I send you back to Her."

The explosion knocks me back, but it's all light and no heat. The walls of the cave are charred black, and the beasts are gone. Every one. "Bloody hell...!"

Willow turns to the tall demon, white flames flickering into nothing in her haunted eyes. "I believe you owe me one soul."

 

---

 

Hungry!

I struggle in the darkness, but I can't move. I've been drugged! I can feel the chemicals in my veins. But the drugs are wearing off, it's more than that. I'm tied, knees to my chest, arms bound across my shins. Helpless. I let out a snarl of rage!

I can tell I have not fed in days. Have I been drugged that long? I need to feel a tender young neck between my teeth, the satisfying little rip as my teeth puncture the jugular. I need blood. And the fear in my victim's eyes as her life drains away. Blood and fear and power, the finest things in the world.

Now more than ever, I hunger, not just for any blood, but for hers. For the prey I have hunted for months. But I finally decided she must have left Sunnydale. That's wise. When I find her, I'll kill her slowly. I know how to make a killing as painful as it can be. I'll taste her blood and her fear and I will laugh.

The last thing I remember is Buffy' sister. Now there's a neck I'd like to snap! She was hiding in the bushes with a baseball bat. I don't think she was alone. They must have realized my grave was empty, even though I tried to leave it tidy. But whatever happened next, they didn't stake me. I'm still here. Big mistake!

Someone pulls the fabric away from my face, and time seems to stop. I let out a low growl and my lips pull back from my fangs. I don't know quite where I am or how or why, but I have found my prey at last! And she's untying the ropes that bind me. Bigger mistake. I can already taste the tears she will shed as she dies, mixed with the blood I will drain from her. I can hear the cries she will make, and I can hear how they will change when I finally rip her throat out with my teeth.

She backs away quickly, and I see the beginnings of the terror I crave. I leap on her, throw her to the ground, sink my fangs into the white skin over the artery that feeds her brain, and begin to murder her. She lies very still, just trembling a little.

The taste is a thousand times better than I imagined! I'll eat her slowly, because there's no more once she's drained. I hope she starts to struggle. There are so many ways I want to hurt her. I need to hear her scream, not lie here limp like this!

Movement in the shadows. Spike is here too, huddling in a corner. The Sire who gave me my immortal destiny. Dripped his demon blood directly into my heart, while nothing but my blood itself still lived. He can't share my feast. Not while Willow's alive, anyway. Not with his chip. Maybe he'd like a taste after she's dead! But that will take a while, and I don't much feel like sharing.

"My Childe... my last Childe," he says, sounding half-mad and seeming not to notice Willow's pain at all. "I'm so... sorry I forgot about you. Some Sire I am! It was a good plan. I would have brought you here as soon as you arose. But I was mad. Still am! So I let you run wild, let you kill. You were killing because of me and I didn't even remember you existed. And now you will be mad too! Mad and sad and nothing will help you!"

"What's happened to you, Spike?" I ask, licking my bloody lips and glaring at him with contempt as he babbles insanely.

"You'll find out." And he begins to laugh the laugh of a madman.

Willow is crying harder and harder. "Now would be a good time!" she pleads, looking behind me. It's a trap! Buffy's here!

But Buffy's not here. Standing behind me is a tall demon with glowing eyes. He reaches for me and suddenly I feel as though my heart is pierced with white-hot needles! I bellow like an animal.

"Your request is granted!" says the demon, and then he sweeps away into the darkness of the caves. For a moment I feel nothing at all. And then...

Oh, God!

What have I done?

"Willow..." I can do nothing but sob and scream. "Willooooooow! I killed people! Willoooow!" I see the faces of my victims, accusing me, and I scream and scream, still wearing my demon face.

"I know, baby," she cries, sitting up and holding me tight. "So did I. But it wasn't you! It was the demon inside you."

"It was me!" Willow's face swims in my vision for a moment, becoming the face of a young girl I drained when I wasn't even hungry. I killed her because she was there, because she was alone, and because her fear made me laugh.

"It wasn't. You're good, baby! You're everything good in the world. I'm the evil one!"

I'm hyperventillating, wishing she would just stake me right here and now. I feel sick and weak and I hate myself.

There's blood all over my dear sweet Willow. "Your shirt..."

"I'm OK, sweetie," she weeps, shaking as hard as I am. "Take more. Take what you need. I'll heal myself."

And I do. My hunger and my instinct draw me to her wounded neck again to drink. I've been hungry so long, and her blood is so sweet. Now the blood is mixed with both our tears. "It's... good..." I sob, feeling my lover's blood bring me strength. "So... good..." The ecstasy of feeding dulls the torture of having my conscience returned.

"I'm glad. My blood is all you'll get from now on." She strokes my hair and holds my undead body close to her warmth.

I raise my head, grateful for the nourishment. Spike can't meet my eyes. I don't know what this place is, but he meant to bring me here and give me my soul back before I could kill anyone. He didn't. He must have found my fresh body on our bedroom floor, given me his blood... and made a plan he forgot to finish. And so I arose alone, and began to kill.

I think I know what drove him mad. "I want to die! I've done the most terrible things, Willow..."

"I know, baby. I get that. And I love you." She leans close, hesitates just a moment, and then kisses my bloody lips, her hand brushing the hair back from my misshapen demon face, her fingers caressing the ridges on my skull. Living flesh feels burning hot to my kind. I must feel so cold to her.

"I love you too, darling...! But... oh God, I wanted to kill you! Hurt you..."

"Not you. The demon inside you did, Tara, the demon! The demon's gone now. You have your own soul instead."

"How can you love me now? I'm a monster!"

"How can you love me? I let the dark magic take over. I've been training, learning so much... but I don't know if I'll ever beat this thing."

I wipe my mouth to kiss her even more deeply. To tell her that no matter what, we are forever, and whatever is in her, she won't face it alone. Her tongue glides over my knife-sharp fangs, and I suck on it as more sweet blood flows. I kiss down her cheek and neck, licking up blood and trying not to think. Trying not to remember. Her throat is already healing–she must be using magic to draw strength from the Earth–but a trickle of blood runs over the top of one breast. The sight stirs something dark in me. Without even thinking about it, I sink my teeth deep into the soft flesh over her heart, letting out a low, rumbling growl. Her gasp of pain cuts through to my newly-returned soul. I am evil! I jerk away and look at her in horror. My father's lie came true after all. I became a demon.

But I think she wants the pain. Craves punishment for whatever it is she did after I died. She closes her eyes and pulls my face back to her chest to feed. My superhuman strength is being restored, and the drugs in my system are giving way to her blood flowing through mine. I no longer have the magic that was part of me in life, but there is magic in her blood. More than I ever realized. Some dark, some pure and good. It makes me feel connected to the Earth once again, part of the web of life, even in death. I never realized what I lost when that holy connection was severed. Now I can feel that magic again, through her. I can be whole.

Eventually I lick the last drops from the bite on her breast, kiss the wound sorrowfully, and bring my face to hers again. Not to kiss, just to feel her close. I'm afraid to meet her gaze, but she looks into my yellow demon eyes with the same love she always used to. We don't speak, and I don't think we will for a long time. It's not important. I suppose I'll feed from her every day now, moving over every inch of her sweet body to inflict new wounds while old ones heal. We'll make love on sheets stained with blood. And one day, I'll hold her aging hand as she dies, and then walk into the sun to follow her. Perhaps into Hell.

Does she still live with Buffy and Dawn? Is that where I will sleep away the days? Will they still want me around? I resolve to use the strength I have been given, to fight my own kind whether Buffy wants me or not. I think she will. She too returned from the grave unable to face herself.

The tighter Willow holds me, the less I remember of what I've been, what I've done. The sounds of the young girl pleading are quieter in my head. As we slowly fall into another kiss I let my demon face fall away, and for the first time my darling can see me as I was when I was alive. She gently releases two buttons of my blouse to touch the healed wound at my breast. I wear black now, to hunt at night, but something tells me Willow still has my old clothing waiting for me.

Some day she will tell me about the people she has killed. And I'll do the same. It won't bring us peace, but we'll have to tell. Later. But for now, my dead heart pressed to her warm, beating one is enough.

I wish we weren't together. It's not worth the price. The seven lives I took, and the pain and terror for dozens more. But we are together, somehow, and somehow my Willow still loves me. I am not alone anymore.

Spike is still laughing madly in the corner, tormented by a century of murder and needing to believe that the living can love the undead. He cackles to himself again and again, "Two souls! Two souls as one!"

 

~ The End. ~

 

If you enjoyed this story, try my other Willow/Tara fics, including Nowhere Far Enough and Witch's Faith. (Most of my other stories, about Buffy, Faith, and Dawn, also have Willow/Tara subplots.)

I always appreciate feedback in my Guestbook, or by email. Reader responses will determine whether I publish more stories, and will help improve them! Thanks for reading! (If you'd like to be notified when I post new stories, let me know.)

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