Stories ~ Leave Comments ~ Links

View Comments ~ Disclaimer ~ Email

 

Xander and Anya arrive first with Giles, and then Willow and Tara show up bearing goodies. Faith and I wait to greet people in the kitchen, well away from the terrors of the front door and the big wide world. Tara has a big "Welcome Home" banner that looks a little worse for wear after being hung at the Bronze and then torn down. But at least it has room for all the letters.

Big three-way hug with my wife and the witches. Kisses on the cheek. More tears–the happy kind.

Suddenly Faith stiffens and lets out a small scream. "Buffy...! Demon...!" She cowers–actually cowers!–behind the kitchen table. If that's her reaction to a demon, I'm very worried about her future as a Slayer. I hope Dawn's not too set on learning new fighting moves from her.

The demon advances. "I've got five kinds of potato chips!"

"Faith... it's OK... come and meet Clem. Spike's friend. He's harmless."

Faith gets up, embarrassed, but she's trembling a little as she shakes Clem's floppy hand. He pretends not to notice. "It's a pleasure to meet you at last, Mrs. Summers! Do you like Salt and Vinegar?"

 

---

 

The party is a success. The LA crew is late, but the rest of us have been laughing, dancing, participating in Clem's potato chip taste-tests, and just generally forgetting that life is ever anything but good. Faith is almost like her old self, although I still can't get her to spar with me. I think it's doing her a lot of good to just hang out with people who care.

The door opens. Angel?

"Oz!"

Willow runs out to the living room and hugs the werewolf. "It's so good to see you! What about the Bronze?"

He shrugs, leaning his guitar against the wall. "I ended things early. How could I miss a Scooby shindig? Besides... if I'm gonna get food thrown at me, it may as well be by friends." I give him a little hug too, and then he shakes Xander's hand. "How's the whole demon girlfriend thing workin' out for ya?"

"Can't complain. And I do mean that literally!"

Willow notices Tara hanging back and looking troubled, and runs over to sweep her into a showy kiss. Tara blushes, but she's smiling now.

"Looks like some things last longer than others" says Oz, with just a little bitterness, but he softens. "Hey, Will... is this engagement rumor for real?"

Willow nods, looking at Oz with concern and squeezing Tara's hand. Oz nods slightly to himself and manages a smile. "Congratulations." He turns to Tara. "You watch out for her now, she gets a little overexcited with that magic of hers!"

"Willow is the strongest witch I've ever heard of," says Tara proudly. "And I'm not just talking about her powers. She's strong enough not to do magic when it's not right. Nobody ever beats that kind of addiction... Nobody but my Willow."

Willow beams with pride. "Well, nobody but me ever had Tara." Her eyes widen. "I didn't mean... had her... like... had her... I mean... nobody else ever did that either... but..." Tara saves her with another kiss.

I smile at Oz. "How long are you back in scenic Sunnydale?"

"Two days. Then it's my time of the month."

"Gotcha. Well it's great to have you back anyway." And I think he and Willow are fine. It's a little awkward, but... basically fine.

Suddenly Oz freezes, looking toward the kitchen. "Faith," he says, nodding once, coldly.

"Hey," says my wife, and I step aside to let them shake hands awkwardly. "Thanks for, you know... coming to my party and everything."

"I wasn't coming to your party. I just wanted to see everyone." He looks at me like he can't believe I'm really with Faith.

I smooth Faith's hair over her shoulders tenderly. "Oz, meet the most wonderful woman in the world. My wife. The past is over."

Oz sighs, looking from me back to Faith. "Look, the last time we met you had just used your fists on Willow and were about to move up to knives. I loved her. I still love her. I'm not going to just forgive everything you did."

If I know my wife, Oz is asking to get thrown through a wall. I like my walls. I try to defuse things. "Even if Willow forgives her? Even if we have ice cream? Mmmm... ice cream!"

But maybe I don't know my wife any more. She's just standing there, stammering, her eyes filling with tears. "I... I'm sorry... I know I'm... I'm so bad..."

I pull her aside and hold her. She doesn't quite cry on my shoulder but she's close. I give Oz a glare. He looks very uncomfortable all of a sudden, but not sorry. Not forgiving.

Dawn to the rescue. She attacks him without warning, using some move I never taught her. Oh... that's called a hug. "Hey, Dogboy!" she squeals, "this is so cool! Where do you live now? Do you have a new band?"

He leans away from my sister, eyes wide. "I live in Nevada. I play solo now. And what the hell is on me?"

Dawn looks hurt. "It's me!"

Everyone falls silent at this disturbance. Oz looks sideways at me. "Buffy, what is this thing, and how do I get rid of it safely?"

"Oz! What are you talking about? That's Dawn! I thought Willow sent you a picture?"

My sister backs away, wounded. She's just remembered that Oz doesn't remember her. They've never really met before today, despite all the home-baked monk memories that say different. Then she puts her hand over her mouth. "Oh.... dogs and snakes!"

"Dogs-and-snakes," muses Xander, "isn't that some British party food?" Giles frowns.

"No," says Dawn, upset. "Remember Glory and the big snake? Remember what the Council said? Dogs and snakes can see the key! Dogboy sees the key!" And Dawn's none too happy about it.

I look at Oz, surprised. "Oz? What do you see?"

"I see a green shimmery thing that keeps calling me Dogboy. What's with that?"

 

---

 

I pull Clem aside and speak to him quietly. "Clem... I'd appreciate it if you didn't go telling people about Faith's... reaction to you."

The demon waves it off with a smile. "Oh, I hardly noticed. I get that all the time!"

"Well in her case, she's a Slayer, and soon she'll be out patrolling. She doesn't need that story getting spread around among the demons she'll be fighting. You understand."

"Of course! My lips are sealed."

"Thanks, Clem. Heard from Spike lately?"

"Nope. Don't know when he'll be back in town. I'm still cryptsitting."

I nod. I tracked down Riley to do a favor for Spike–or for me, since Riley wouldn't much feel like bending over backwards for Spike. Riley said he'd try, but he guessed that there weren't enough technicians left from the Initiative to do what I was asking. If Spike's still gone after all this time, that could mean the favor went badly wrong! It was a terrible idea and I should never have tried to help him.

"Looks like the LA crowd is here," says Xander, peeking out through the front curtains.

Angel! And the hero of the day, Faith's lawyer!

Oz takes Xander's place at the window and narrows his eyes. "Buffy, does your wife's lawyer look like Cordelia?"

"Um, no... why do you–"

The door opens and it's not Angel. It's Cordelia. Angel has said she's come a long way since we knew her, but you wouldn't know it from her dress. Only difference now is, Faith has taught me to appreciate fine slutwear. But I'll give her the benefit of the doubt. She helped pitch in a small amount for Faith's lawyer, after all, even if Angel had to badger her a bit.

"Cordelia," I say, "I didn't know you were coming."

"I just had to see the old Scooby gang!"

Angel and Faith's lawyer follow. Angel and I hug, and he glances at Cordelia and shrugs. I lead him and Cordelia back toward the kitchen, where Faith is already hugging her lawyer and showering her with praise. Angel gets a hug from Faith too, and then Giles corners him to talk shop. Some question about summoning demons. My Watcher is always the life of the party!

Cordelia eyes Faith curiously. "So it's true. All traces of Scooby heterosexuality have been sucked into the Hellmouth, and the evil Slayer's married to the real one." She looks around. "This could be a good thing. Buffy needs some serious decorating help. Even prison decor would be an improvement."

I take a deep breath and ignore her. Incredibly, Faith takes the cue and doesn't answer the insults. "Cordelia. So glad you could come. Have some potato chips. And I'm sorry for what I was when you knew me. Can we leave it at that?"

Cordelia glares at Faith. "Sorry?" She steps closer. "Sorry?! I just went to my five-year reunion. You know who wasn't there? My friend Harmony. Voted Least Likely To Be a Vampire, but I guess you never can tell! You know who else wasn't there? Larry. Or Thomas. Or Susan. Or a dozen other kids who died on my graduation day. Kids! Who never even got to have a life! And Principle Snyder–who never had one either! But wait... you were a Slayer, you were trying to save them, right? You helped Buffy stop the Mayor's ascension? Oh, no, now I remember, you sided with the Mayor. You kidnapped Willow, your friend, and used her to get that gross box of spiders back so the Mayor could stage a nice graduation slaughter. Unless I'm missing something, without you none of that would have happened! All my friends would still be alive! That's quite the body count for 'Sorry'!"

Faith's lip is trembling and her eyes are full with tears. She tries to speak but nothing comes out. She shrinks away from the accusations. She's clearly devastated, but Cordelia doesn't back down. "Look, I promised Angel I wouldn't make a scene. So stay away from me. Not only are you a murderer, you dress like a slut."

I take my wife's hand, shaking with fury at what Cordelia's done to her. At Faith's party! How many times does Faith have to pay for what she did? She hates herself enough for it already. And she says my wife dresses like a slut? Cordelia invented that! I'm getting ready to chew her out good. But once again, Dawn steps in.

"Hey! You leave her alone!"

Cordelia stares at Dawn. "You must be the creepy sister thing. Not even human, and she still inherits the Summers fashion sense. Talk about a raw deal!"

I'm about to intervene, but Dawn gets right in Cordelia's face. "We've never met, right? That's how you remember it?"

"Never."

"So you don't remember calling me the Sunnydale Hair Puller?"

"No."

"So then... you probably don't remember why!"

 

---

 

I think I've managed to cheer Faith up a little, and keep her clear of Oz and Cordelia. Oz is mainly hanging out with Willow and Tara, and they seem to be getting along well. Cordelia's been sticking close to Xander and Anya. For some unknown reason the three of them seem to be OK together. Or maybe Cordelia's just afraid of Dawn. My sister's been training with me for some time, and pulling hair was the least of Cordelia's worries until I pulled Dawn off of her. Faith and I have been playing Monopoly in the kitchen with Dawn and Clem. I can tell Dawn is deeply hurt that Oz doesn't remember her. Or see her for that matter! And she's still as furious with Cordelia as I am. Some party.

A knock at the door. Who could that be? Anya went for more drinks, but she doesn't need to knock! I walk out to the living room to check.

My Slayer instincts kick in immediately. "Everyone in the basement. Now!" I grab a crossbow from under the couch. "Faith, Angel, we have a vampire situation!"

Willow rushes to my side. "What is it, Buffy?" But there are too many people here, and this could get out of control fast. "Willow, please get everyone in the basement."

There's no sign of Faith, but Angel hurries to my side at the door. He looks through the party streamers Dawn and I used to block the windows for Faith. "Drusilla!"

The door opens and Spike pushes Drusilla aside. "Don't shoot! It's OK!"

Drusilla looks at my weapon. "I don't like your friends, Spike. You said they would have lovely blood to drink. You said they would have Pictionary."

"Drusilla," says Spike, "you wait here, I'll just be a moment."

"No, I'm coming with you, my love!"

"Pet... no..."

She tries to follow him in but bounces back. Not invited. Spike shrugs and closes the door in her face. He looks nervously between Angel and I. "Here's the deal. I've been watching Dru. I saw the government boys take her, and I saw them release her. She's good and chipped, and this is a very difficult time for her. And I thought she was crazy before! But everyone has to promise... don't mention that the chip was my idea. As far as she knows, she's just another experiment, like me."

He did it. I can't believe he really went after Drusilla. And I can't believe Riley was able to pull the chip thing off. I shake my head, astonished. "Spike... how do we know she's really chipped? And if she is, she's probably crazy enough to kill anyway!"

"You're right about that. She tries. But the chip stops her. She's declawed, you have my word. Now, if I still have some blood in the freezer, can we trouble you for a pint?"

I'm speechless. Spike opens the door to an indignant Drusilla. Angel shakes his head. "Don't trust her, Buffy. William here is not an impartial judge of her condition."

And that's when Anya shows up with beer and cola. Drusilla leaps for her throat with a hiss, screams, and faints dead away.

Anya dives inside, sending cans rolling everywhere. Better open those over the sink!

I sigh. I don't see how this will ever work out for Spike, but I give him points for trying. "Anya, could you tell everyone they can come out of the basement?"

I look down at the unconscious vampire. "Drusilla, do come in!"

First Cordelia, now Drusilla. Quite the get together. Spike drags his ancient lover inside with a kiss on the forehead. Then he starts thawing some blood in the microwave. "Vampires are so gross!" I say. "Not you, Angel!" He nods with a small smile.

But where is Faith?

I eventually find her cowering under the kitchen sink clutching a pencil like it's a stake

"Faith?" I gape at her. This is her reaction to a vampire at the door? I think of a million things to ask or say, reject of all of them, and simply help her to her feet and hold her. It's a very good thing that she wouldn't patrol with me last night.

When Drusilla revives, she seems to have learned her lesson for the time being. But everyone keeps their distance as she starts to wander the house with a glass of blood, humming madly to herself. Spike keeps watch nervously.

Eventually she corners Faith, who shrinks away and clutches her pencil tighter.

An expression of delight comes over Dru's features. "I killed your Mummy!" She grins madly.

"Wh... what?" Faith turns pale.

"Slit her pretty throat with this little piggy!" She waves one long nail in Faith's pale face and then slowly licks her finger. "Her blood was like honey."

"She means Kendra," says Spike, pulling Dru away. "Now, now, love, we mustn't torment our hostesses!" Some color comes back to my wife's face.

"But I like this Slayer," says Dru, leaning closer and looking suddenly serious. "She's been a bad, bad Slayer!" Her smile comes back. "She kills people!"

Spike sees the look on my face and practically knocks Drusilla off her feet, jerking her away from Faith. "Not any more she doesn't, love, and neither do you. Now play nice or it's no more blood for you." He must be pretty damn sure of her affections. She may not be able to attack most of us, but he and Angel are fair game. Clem, too! And me of course, back from the grave just a little off. But Spike's not telling Dru that!

Faith is turned to the wall, not moving. I try to comfort her with a kiss, but she's crying silently and barely seems to notice me. "Shhh.... she's crazy, Faith. You know, we can kick her out. You can kick her out. This is our house!" She shakes her head but doesn't say anything.

And then Dru finds my sister and gives her the creepy fingernails-in-the-face routine. She looks fascinated with Dawn. "This one's not real!" Dogs, snakes, and loonies. Dru sees the Key, just like Oz.

Dawn's at the end of her rope. Her forehead wrinkles and her fists clench. "Will you people stop saying that!" She storms upstairs and slams her door.

That does it. I'm kicking Dru out. And then I'm rounding up the witches for a big ol' uninvite spell!

 

---

 

Things lighten up a bit with Dru gone. Well, not gone gone. More like mashing her face up against the glass gone. Spike pulls aside the curtain every now and then for a cheery wave. He's anxious for us to accept his girlfriend, but he seems grateful that this first encounter is over without a fight. Not that Dru didn't struggle when I tried to make her leave. But Giles made with the king-size cross and we got her through the door, still clutching a glass of blood on the rocks.

I haven't seen Faith or Dawn for a little while. They must both be upstairs, I guess.

I hear voices in Dawn's room and open the door without knocking. Just in time to see a fist hit my wife in the face!

Dawn covers her mouth with both hands. "Oh my God, Faith! I'm so sorry!" Faith's eyes water and she wipes some blood from her lip with the back of her hand. Dawn is mortified. "I thought you would block me! Buffy would block that without even thinking! I'm so sorry! Are you OK?"

Faith smiles weakly. "Five by five. Hardly felt it. I'm a Slayer, remember?" But is she? Dawn's right. How could she not block that hit? I'd think she was an imposter, except an imposter would try harder! Poor Dawn. I know how much she's been busting to show off her training for Faith.

I grab a kleenex and wipe a little blood off of Faith's upper lip. Somehow that little bit of red scares me worse than anything else about how Faith's been acting. But I can tell Faith's embarrassed by what happened, and I won't make a big deal of it.

I try to make light conversation. "So what have you two been up to? Other than assault and battery?" Shit! That's on Faith's record. I didn't mean that! Faith's eyes water again. In fact, both girls' eyes are red from crying. They slump back on Dawn's bed, each clutching a stuffed animal.

"We're hiding from the out-of-towners," mutters Dawn. Faith takes her hand. Oz, Cordelia and Drusilla. Two of whom weren't even invited. But Oz was–or at least, we expected to see him at the Bronze–and he's the hardest one for Faith to deal with. Because he's actually a decent guy, and he saw Faith come this close to murdering the person he loved most in the world. Because Faith knows in her heart how close she came to cutting Willow open, and Willow is one of her favorite people.

"Oz and I will never be friends anymore," says Dawn. My eyes start to water too. Dawn and Oz were really close. But it's all fake memories, and Oz doesn't share them. "It's not just that he doesn't remember me," she says, very quietly. "We won't even get to start fresh and become friends. He doesn't even want to be around me. I even stopped calling him Dogboy. He tries to be polite but I can tell I freak him out. I'm not even a person to him. I'm a big green thing."

I've been watching Oz tonight, and I think there's even a little more to it than that. Dawn reminds him that he's not quite human. Just like he does for Dawn. No. I don't think they ever will be friends. I guess Oz is the hardest one for Dawnie to deal with too.

I crawl up between them and pull them both to me to cuddle. I kiss Dawn on the forehead, and then Faith on the lips. "What do we need those freaks for anyway?"

 

---

 

Cleanup time. Everyone's gone at last. Including the out-of-towners. It was nice to see Angel and Oz again, even if neither one of them seems to be doing too well. I even got Oz to apologize to Faith... or at least, send his apologies through me. Cordelia and Drusilla I could have done without.

Xander takes out the garbage on his way home with Anya, and Willow and Tara stay to help tidy up.

Tara's loading me up with dirty glasses. "Buffy... is Faith OK?"

"She's just hanging out in Dawn's room. Some people said some things..." I shrug. "The big party sounded like a good idea, but I guess it should have been just us. I bet she'll come back down now."

"No... I mean, is she... OK? You know, in general."

I could pretend I don't know what she means, but I do. Probably everyone noticed. I sigh. "I don't know. No. I guess she's not."

A sympathetic look from Tara is like a hug from anyone else. "Is she having trouble getting used to the change of scene? Like when they transferred her before?"

"Yeah, she hasn't known anything but prison for so long... but it's not just that. I can't even get her to talk about it. She says she'll be fine but I think she's getting worse." I take a breath, trying not to start crying, and unload the glasses by the sink. "It's guilt partly. I think it made her feel better to be punished, every day. And now she's not. But even guilt would at least be... at least be..." and then I'm just weeping and Tara's holding me.

"Guilt would be what, Buffy?"

"Guilt would at least be the Faith I know." I fight not to start crying again. "It's like I don't even know this person anymore. I don't know how to help her. I don't know what she wants me to be!"

"I'm sure it's not you Buffy..."

"But she's not..." Jaw clenched, not gonna cry! "She's not attracted to me anymore." Sobbing again.

"I'm sure she is, Buffy!"

"She doesn't... respond to me. I can't bring her pleasure. And she hardly even looks at me. I thought... I thought it would be wild and passionate when she came home! I thought we'd make love like we've never made love before! And it was our wedding anniversary last night! I thought we'd fight, and laugh, and all those things we'd do on CV's... and I can't get her to! She doesn't even seem to like my gift. She's not Faith."

Willow comes up to add her comfort with a hug from behind. "I know, Buffy. We kinda thought we'd find broken furniture and underwear thrown around when we showed up. But it's not you, Buffy... just think back... think of your wedding and tell me: could her feelings for you ever change? You're her hero and her savior and her lover. She's upset or something, but it's not about you. Tara's right. I'm sure of it. Would I lie to you?" She's crying a little for me.

"But what if..." More weeping. I suddenly know what I fear most of all! "What if she's not gay anymore! What if she only wanted that in there... in prison! What if we can't ever be the same anymore! Maybe she's not even gay anymore!"

Willow turns me around to face her and takes my face in her hands. "Buffy... sweetie... we all three know that's not how it works. And so does she."

I nod.

"It's the sudden change, Buffy," insists Tara. "And guilt, like you say. Just remind her how good she is and how much you love her. She'll be all over you before you know it."

"Guilt and fear," I say quietly, voicing the part I understand least of all.

"Fear?"

"Fear. Terror! She's a Slayer who's afraid of Clem! Wielding Wavy Lays! A Slayer my little sister can beat up without even trying! What kind of a Slayer is that? And she's got some kind of arachnophobia!"

"Spiders?" asks Willow.

I stare at her. "She can't go outside. She can't even look out the window!"

"Agoraphobia," says Tara.

"Yeah. That's the one. She won't even look at her own garden! That's the real reason we had the party here. That's why we stayed in the kitchen until people were done opening the door. She's been hiding in bed or in the bathroom most of the day! Making up all kinds of excuses, and not telling me how she really feels. How is she going to have a life like she deserves? How is she going to be a Slayer? She's so messed up I hardly know where to begin."

Willow squeezes me tightly. "Then she needs her wife more than ever, Buffy. Be there for her."

"Of course I will. Always. But... I just don't understand. And a little part of me is angry. This was supposed to be the best thing ever, all joy and passion and Slaying together... and it's not. God, I'm the worst person ever! I'm mad at my wife for being messed up."

"That's understandable, Buffy," says Tara soothingly. "But in the end you'll do whatever it takes to make her as OK as she can be. I know you will."

I nod. I don't know what to do, but I guess I'd better confront Faith and get to the bottom of this.

A door opens upstairs. I better stop making a commotion.

Faith comes downstairs slowly. "Thanks, you guys. It was a great party! Just hangin' out with the Creature a little." She smiles weakly.

Willow hugs her. "You take care of Buffy, now." She leads Tara toward the front door. "We better be going. Got stuff we need to get back to."

"Big plans with Oz tomorrow?"

Willow and Tara give each other a look. "Yeah," says Willow. "That's it. Lunch over at his cousin's and stuff."

Dawn's right... they are up to something. But they also want to give me a chance to talk to Faith alone. "Bye guys... thanks for... you know."

I take my wife's hands and kiss her on the mouth. There's some response. She may not have much sex drive, but she's still into me. "Come sit with me."

I lead her to the couch, noticing how she fearfully surveys the door and windows, making sure everything's closed up.

"Come here. Lean on me." She slumps back gratefully against my chest and I just run my fingers through her lovely hair for a long time.

"You know, B, you once said the day I came home would be the best day ever, better than our wedding even. I never imagined it would be anything like this."

"I know you're going through a really bad time." I kiss the top of her head.

"I was going to say, it was the best day ever. You were right."

"Really?"

"Really. I keep expecting to wake up."

I cuddle her some more in silence. "Faith, there are two things I want you to know."

"'K." She doesn't have to make eye contact, since she's leaning back on me.

"First, you are good and you always have been, even when you were messed up and making mistakes. You've taken lives–" I feel her shrink at the words. "–but you've saved far more. You saved more lives in a week, here and back in Boston, than you ever hurt. You helped me save the whole world once when those she-demons opened the Hellmouth. The world is lucky to have you. So don't think of the past. Think of all the good you can still do. All the lives you will save. Just by being what you are. A Slayer." Assuming she is still a Slayer.

"I wish it was that simple, B."

"And second," I say, caressing her ear, "you're not alone. I'm here for you, to do whatever you need, be whatever you need me to be for you. I'm your wife, forever, and I love you, and you can tell me anything. No matter what's wrong, you can tell me."

She sighs sadly. "I know, Buffy. Thanks." But she doesn't explain anything. She doesn't ask for help. She doesn't make me understand.

After a while I try again. "Faith, you know you have to go out there eventually."

"I can't."

"Ever?"

"I can't."

"Why? What would happen to you?"

"For starters, the first demon or vampire I met would kill me. If I wasn't already dead of a heart attack."

My fear is rising to match hers. This is Sunnydale, and she knows full well what's lurking out there. She can't afford to be afraid of things that go bump in the night, or they will get her.

"But you know you can fight them. You've done it a million times."

"No. I can't." A tears trickles down her cheek. "I can't!"

I understand less, not more, the more we talk. I don't know if she's hiding something or if she doesn't understand it herself. I'm feeling more and more helpless.

"Faith, you're on parole. You know they'll send you back to prison if you don't get a job."

No answer.

"How will you look for a job, Faith? We have to deal with this! How will you even meet your parole officer? And how will you be a Slayer? How will we be the Chosen Two again?"

Silence. Then, after several minutes she speaks, softly, "We were both chosen, but I chose to be bad. I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't be out early from some legal loopholes. I probably shouldn't ever be let out at all. I'll only go back to being bad."

"Faith, listen... you should be here. This is exactly where you belong. There are people who love you, and a lot of good you can do. And somehow we'll need to work this thing through, or you will get sent away again!"

"I don't know what to do, Buffy. This doesn't even feel like my life. I don't know where to go, or what to do, or what the rules are... I don't know anything anymore."

I think about that a while. "Faith, this isn't prison, this is your house–you make the rules now. You do whatever you want, sweetie." And then a small but important insight comes to me.

"Faith... baby... do you want to go back to prison?"

She doesn't answer. Her eyes shine brighter. All of a sudden I feel hollow inside. Something like terror.

"Faith? Do you? Back where we can't be together and you may as well not even be a Slayer? Is that what you want? Is punishing yourself that important?"

Still no answer, except to get up and stand without meeting my eyes. But I know her like no one else ever will. The look in her eyes tells me just what she's thinking. It's a lot more than wanting to be back in a place she knows. She's thinking she doesn't deserve happiness. No. Even worse than that! She's thinking can't bring happiness to anyone. She's thinking she was born to hurt people. She's thinking this situation is not in her control. Damn it! Whose control is it in, then? She's a born destroyer, but the thing she has always worked hardest to destroy is her own happiness!

I feel resolve flow through me. A resolve I've felt when facing some dire enemy or the end of the world, but never in my personal life. But this is the end of the world. My world. And my wife's. I realize I'm shaking all over, almost blinded by tears. The lovely girl in front of me is more dear to me than my own life. And yet, somehow, she's become the enemy at this moment. My Slayer instincts kick in as if I'm fighting for my life.

I will not let this happen! They are not going to take her away from me again! I kick her legs out from under her, grabbing one arm as she goes down and then jumping over her to take the other. I almost miss, expecting her to move differently–expecting her to fight back with Slayer reflexes. But she dodges slowly, like this is all a dream for her.

I'll make it a nightmare if I have to.

I haul her to the back door and turn the knob, pulling it open just a crack before she lets out a pitiful shriek like a wounded animal.

"No! Get away from me!" She tumbles forward, flipping us both onto the floor and rolling back onto her feet. She kicks the door closed savagely and darts back from it with utter terror in her eyes.

I rush towards her and she punches out with lightning speed. I absorb the blow and try again for her legs but she's too quick. This is the first sign I've seen of her being a Slayer since she came home. I kick again and it connects, sending her reeling into the wall, smashing a framed family photo. But she bounces back at me, kicking with both feet and knocking the wind out of me. A somersault brings me back to my feet.

We back away from each other in an uneasy truce, both shaking. Both sobbing. Instead of love in her eyes, I see rage and fear. I suppose that's what she sees in mine. We're fighting again after all, but it's not fun. It's real. It makes me sick.

I want to yell at her. I've never been so desperate and frustrated. What is wrong with her? But my voice comes out as a thin, cracking squeak. "Don't do this, Faith! This isn't just about you! There are people who need you! I need you!"

She stares back at me, crying softly, the fight draining from her. Her shoulders slump and she sinks slowly to sit on the floor.

I hold out my hand, already sorry for trying to force her out the door. "Baby..."

She gets up without taking my hand, looks down at the floor and slowly climbs the steps away from me. It's not like she's ignoring me... more like she's resigned to some terrible future and nothing matters anymore.

My choked sobs turn to a scream as I move to follow her. "Baby, don't do this... Don't you do this!"

I stop following when I hear the bathroom door lock. It makes me think of the prison lock she plans to put herself behind again. All I have left is a hoarse whisper. "Don't do this, baby... please, baby, don't do this!"

 

Continued with "CV-17"

 

If you're enjoying this story, try I Have Never Been to Boston. Dawn sets out to say goodbye to someone she loves–but who she knows never even existed!

I always appreciate feedback in my Guestbook, or by email. Reader responses will determine whether I publish more stories, and will help improve them! Thanks for reading! (If you'd like to be notified when I post new stories, let me know.)

Stories ~ Leave Comments ~ Links

View Comments ~ Disclaimer ~ Email

www.angelfire.com/grrl/wyndgyrl