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I set my package aside and watch in suspense. Dawn slowly closes the box and sets it on the coffee table. And that's all. Nothing happens. B watches her sister with worry.

"Not working?" I ask. "At least you're not keeling over this time."

Dawn shakes her head. "What's it supposed to..." she trails off, staring at her hand. She raises the other hand and her eyes get wider and wider. Her mouth moves silently. Slowly she turns to face Xander's mirror. She lets out a small gasp and begins to tremble. I can see the shock in her reflected face.

I put an arm around her shoulders from behind. "I gotcha, baby!"

"Are you OK, Dawnie?" asks Willow. And just like before, Giles seems to be subtly keeping her from getting too close to the box's magic.

Dawn doesn't seem to hear at first, but she nods slightly, still staring at herself, unblinking.

Buffy touches her sister's knee. "Dawn, it doesn't matter. Whatever you see, it doesn't change anything! You're real!"

Dawn tries twice before she can make her voice work. "I'm... more real... than any of you..." she whispers.

"You're beautiful, aren't you?" I ask, hoping that this is a good thing.

"Yes..."

"Can I see again?" I turn to Tara.

"Dawn, if you want to show Faith, just hold the box so she can breathe."

Dawn slowly picks up the box again, but barely glances away from her reflection. I help her when she fumbles with the latch. She lifts the box by her shoulder and I lean over to breathe.

Oh....

Oh.....!

"Dawnie!" I whisper. She's right, she is more real... than anything I've ever imagined. That's just what she is. Brilliant, radiant green energy more colorful than any color I could picture. I thought I remembered her from before... but I don't think you can remember something like this. Not really. Like staring into the sun, but it doesn't hurt. It feels wonderful. Like an orgasm that starts in your eyes. Even better this time than before, when I was high on black potions and afraid I'd done something to her. I never want to close my eyes!

But eventually I have to... and I can still see her just the same. When I shut my eyes, the room is gone, but she's not. "Dawn... you're the most beautiful thing..." I shrug, "pretty much ever." My voice breaks. And she nods. It's just the truth.

Anya steps close, her brow furrowed. "Now this I have to see!"

And Dawn lets her. She breathes from the box. Then she slowly brings her hands to her mouth, mesmerized. "I... your eyes..." she shakes her head, unable to find words.

"Tara..." says Dawn. "Willow..."

Willow leans forward, smiling at the success of their controversial surprise. But Giles quickly puts a hand on her shoulder. She looks hurt. "I'm not safe, am I? You say I'm not a danger but you watch every move I make! You tell me not to think about my power, but you never forget for a second!" Poor Red.

"Nothing like that," says Giles, awkwardly, "I'm merely being... careful, that's all."

T-Rex kisses Red on the cheek. "It's OK, baby. I'll help you."

Tara breathes from the box, then sits back beside Willow and kisses her. A bit of green mist escapes between their lips. They both turn to Dawn.

"Oh, Dawnie," Tara squeaks, and she and Willow hug tightly, eyes glued to the Key. Tears are falling from their eyes. And from mine, I guess. Even from Anya's.

Xander steps up. But Anya stops him. "She's butt naked. Shows right through her clothes like a big green Christmas bulb!"

"I... think I'll pass," says Xander.

Anya puts her hand over her eyes. "Right through my hand, too!" She moves her hand back and forth. "Wheee!" Then she breaks down totally crying. "Hold me!" Xander puts his arms around her. Closest I've seen those two to being on speaking terms in a long time.

I look down at my own arm around Dawn, and sure enough, she shows right through. Seems like my arm should be burning off, but she just feels like normal Dawnie.

The Key is starting to fade now. The green glow is less. "Wow... how many shots are in that box?" I ask,

"It won't wear out," says Willow, still hypnotized by Dawn. The Key isn't fading for her yet. "Dawn will always have it."

And then it's over, and it's just Dawn in my arms. Somehow she still looks more lovely than ever. I kiss her ear. "Can you still see?"

She shakes her head. "It's gone now. But I remember." She tips her head curiously. "At least, sort of." She turns to her sister, who of course has been watching me suspiciously the whole time. "Buffy, here." She opens the box, but B leans back away from the green mist. "Why?" asks Dawn.

"I want you to be just Dawn to me. Just my little sister. I already know how beautiful you are." Or is she too worried about my evil plots to risk getting distracted? I sigh. Oh, well. Her loss.

But Dawn takes the compliment. "OK. That's kinda sweet." She smiles and turns back to her reflection. "But you're missing something."

"I get that." Buffy looks at Red and T-Rex... who must have recovered, but seem to have moved right onto kissing! Kissing like they've forgotten they're in public. I think seeing the Key is the kind of thing that throws you a little!

"You guys were right," Buffy admits to them. "I'm glad it all worked out." She glances at me too, and still with suspicion. But she seems less certain. Maybe. I don't know.

Good a time as any to open my package that has B so riled? I'm about to reach for it when Giles' cell phone rings.

He takes it to the kitchen, but I catch a few words. "Agreed. A few hours could make all the difference." Sounds like something's up–and not something good. "The risk is extreme. You're sure about this?" Then, "Very well, I'll handle this end. Call me at once if anything changes, Miss Hartness. Thank you." He returns looking grave, but says nothing in answer to Buffy's questioning look. Is this about me? Should I be watching my back for some bullshit from the Council? Miss Hartness... sounds British to me! Sounds Watcher.

Dawn is hugging Willow and Tara, thanking them again. "I don't think I'll ever get used to this. But I'm glad I know."

Willow and Tara exchange a little dark look, and Dawn picks up on it. "I don't know everything, do I? You said making all our memories was white magic... but giving the Key human life was black. There's something evil you don't want to tell me, isn't there?" But after all she's seen today, she's more curious than worried.

"Dawnie," says T-Rex. "Nothing about the Key's past is your fault. There's no need to get into anything else." Shit. Here we go with the human sacrifice thing. I agree, no need to ruin Dawn's birthday now.

Dawn persists though. "But you did learn more. Do you know how the Key was first made? Who made it?"

Red shakes her head. "That'll probably always be a mystery. We only know how a living thing was made from it. You."

"It was a spell the monks did, and they only meant to protect the world," says Tara, then tries to change the subject. "Why don't you open Faith's present?"

Dawn looks at my brown paper package curiously. But she has even more curiosity about the Key. "I want to know what you learned. I won't blame myself. I'm happy with what I am now and I know it's not my fault what the monks did."

"Dawnie," says Willow, pained. "Those monks were misguided even to keep the Key in the first place. They were too much into the power of magic, and not enough into the right and wrong. Believe me, I've been there. What they did was really black magic. Very, very bad stuff. All over and done with now. Best forgotten."

The word forgotten makes Tara cringe. The monks made her forget someone. A sacrifice that went beyond just a killing.

"Please," insists Dawn. "It's been a great birthday and nothing's gonna change that. And nothing's gonna make it an easy birthday either. Tell me what they did, and then I'll forget about it."

Buffy shakes her head but says nothing. I try to think of a way to dissuade Dawn... but the thing is, I'd feel the same if I were her. I'd want to know it all.

Tara comes over and sits between Dawn and B. "Dawn... the Key was energy, not a living thing. The monks couldn't just make life from nothing. They had to t-take a life to make a life. A sacrifice. Their magic k-k-killed someone."

"Oh." That's worse than Dawn was expecting. She swallows. "I wonder who."

"We don't know," says Tara. "We only know it was someone c-close to me. And to Willow, but especially me. Someone I l-loved. Willow loved her too, but someone in Willow's life hated her. That's the only kind of thing we can tell you, Dawn–the c-c-connections that once were. We detected the m-magical traces of those links being severed. The monks were far away when they sent Buffy the Key. Italy, we think. But even from across the world, their magic drew on the blood of the Slayers... and they probably used some of our magic too. Mine and Willow's. That's why it had to be s-someone close to us. Their magic is probably what started to push Willow towards... towards the problems she's had."

"Don't worry," says Willow, "I was headed there anyway sooner or later. Guess I was born a problem waiting to happen." She looks sadly at Giles.

Dawn's eyes are watering. "But... nobody you know died.... Did they?"

"Dawn... they t-took more than her life. Every mark she made in this world is gone. Even our m-memories of her."

"Her?"

"Her. It had to be a her. And young, like you, just starting her life. And if I loved her while I was with W-Willow, and Willow loved her too... that makes me think it was p-probably... probably my s-sister."

Dawn stares at her, horrified. "You have a sister?"

"If I did, she's g-gone and I don't remember. It's a sad thing to think about, but I don't grieve, Dawnie. I can't. Because now it's like she never existed." But Tara's eyes are watering. She does grieve a little.

"Come on, Dawnie." I give her a squeeze. "It's not something to think about. It's just one of those things."

Dawn won't let it drop. She's more than curious now, she's almost haunted. "I need to know. How did she die? Was it painful?"

A tear runs down Tara's cheek. Willow rests her face in her hands. "Maybe, Dawn, but not physical pain. They reached out and took her life by magic, not violence... but it would have been scary. And it would have been slow. Her life probably faded away slowly when you were created. She would have sensed people's lives starting to re-arrange around you, Dawn, and cutting her out. In the end, she would have sensed that she didn't exist anymore for the people she loved. She would have felt herself turning to nothing. I wish we didn't know that. I wish you didn't have to know, Dawnie. But that's everything. That's the worst that we know."

Dawn is quiet for a long time, her eyes shining. "That's so awful. I wish you could at least remember her."

"We can't," says Tara. "You're h-here instead, and we love you and we're g-glad you're here."

"I wish I could tell her I'm sorry," says Dawn quietly. "There's really no way you could know more about her?"

Willow looks at Tara nervously.

"Tell me!"

"No, Dawn," says Willow, "There's no way we could know about her."

"But you might be able to," says Tara, quietly. "With the b-box."

"Her life force is in you now, Dawn," explains Willow. "Some part of you may know where that life came from. Or maybe not."

"I want to try. If you had a sister, she deserves to be remembered. Maybe that's all I can do for her."

"Dawnie," says T-Rex. "We w-won't remember her. We can't. No matter what. You might. And if it worked, you could tell us what you learn about her. It might be a lot. It might be a little. It might be nothing at all. We just d-don't know."

Buffy interjects, "Is this going to be dangerous? Because 'don't know' and ancient magic do not spell birthday jolliness!"

Tara shakes her head. "At the worst, I g-guess it might be sad, maybe scary. But the box can only sh-show, not do. It's not dangerous."

Dawn holds the box in her hands. "Tell me what to do. If it's too sad I'll just sneak another peek at the Key. That should make me feel a little better. OK? Please? For me... and for her?"

Tara hesitantly whispers another magic word in Dawn's ear. So Willow won't hear the word until Dawn does the spell. Red slumps, reminded of how even Tara is afraid of her magic. And Giles is watching Willow like a hawk, but pretending not to. Kinda like how Buffy's been acting with me! Poor Willow. Having everyone wonder how dangerous you are gets old real fast. I ought to know.

Dawn steels herself, grips the box tightly, and speaks the incantation. She freezes for a moment, and the box tumbles from her fingers. Then she leaps up without a word and darts away from the group, nearly knocking the coffee table over. She falls to her hands and knees, head down.

"Dawnie?" I start to get up.

And then she moves. Crawling back to us, not like she's wounded, but not bothering to stand. And something about her movements is... different. Very different. Fluid, almost sexual. In fact, somehow Dawn barely even seems human anymore. She's not my Dawn, at least not on the surface. I can't put my finger on how I know.

Her eyes are fixed on Tara's. And vice versa.

In a sudden yet graceful leap, she's crouching on the ground before Tara. She puts her hands on Tara's knees. Slowly, as though in a trance, Tara lifts one hand and places it on top of Dawn's head. Dawn squints her eyes shut and tilts her head lazily to one side. Tara caresses her cheek, and Dawn smiles slightly with the pleasure of it. Whatever magic has gotten into Dawnie, it's made a connection with Tara.

"OK," says Xander, "I think we now know where the phrase 'weird sisters' came from."

And then Dawn shakes herself and sits back. It's over, and all at once she's Dawn again. The way she holds herself... everything about her... is back to normal. She looks thoughtful for a long time. "She didn't die... not really..." she says after a while.

"Sh-she didn't?" asks Tara, clearly flustered and unsure what just happened.

"I mean, she did die... but she's a part of me. I know that now. She's not gone."

"But it was black magic," says Xander. "It did take her life?"

Dawn nods. "Yeah. And it was scary. And so sad! She felt like nobody loved her anymore. But she's not sad anymore. Deep inside me, she's still close to Tara. And Willow. So what's left of her is happy now."

"She is?" whispers Tara, tears flowing. "I think... m-maybe a part of me knew, Dawnie. I think I could always feel her in you... and never quite understood."

Willow smiles hesitantly, but I can tell this hasn't had the same effect on her. This magic was between Dawn and Tara. "What was her name?"

"Her name..." Dawn thinks a while, struggling to find that answer. "I have some memories from her... but they're real vague and all mixed up..." She's silent a while, but the answer comes to her. "My name... I mean her name... was Dark Dawn." Everyone exchanges puzzled glances. "She was partly dark... and partly light."

"That's a very weird name," Anya points out.

"Kind of like... Anyanka?" mutters Willow.

Dawn looks puzzled now too. "Not as weird as what you guys called me. Called her."

Tara looks like she's straining to remember something that just isn't in her. "We d-didn't call you Dark Dawn?"

"No. I never told you my real name. In the end I tried to... she tried to I mean... but she was already fading and forgotten. You never heard me. Her. Sorry, this is a little weird for me!"

"Then what did we call her?" asks Willow.

Dawn shakes her head, mystified. "Miss Kitty Fantastico."

"I called my s-sister... Miss Kitty Fantastico?" Tara's even more perplexed than the rest of us.

"Not your sister," says Dawn, her eyes lighting up with understanding. "Your familiar."

Tara gapes and looks at Willow. "My f-familiar! So that's why..."

Willow nods. "It must be! Oh, Tara, I'm sorry!"

"What is it, you guys?" asks Dawn.

Willow looks sad. "Tara's been looking for a familiar for months. It shouldn't be so hard, but she's never found that connection. Not even a hint of any power between her and any animal at all."

"I never thought I'd have a c-cat for a familiar!" muses Tara. "I always imagined an owl. Or maybe a cute little lizard. I always wanted a p-pet kitty, but not a cat familiar."

Buffy shakes her head. "You're saying they sacrificed a cat to make Dawn?"

Dawn smiles. "I'm glad she's a part of me. And now you know! Now you can forget about owls and go find a cat familiar! Easier to shop for, too."

"Doesn't work that way, Dawnie. A witch only gets one familiar, if that. One at a t-time, anyway. My familiar's life didn't end, it went on, became you.... so I can't have a new familiar." Tara sees Dawn's look. "And I d-don't want one! I'd so much rather have you around, Dawnie."

Dawn smiles back, a little sadly. "Thanks."

Willow frowns. "But someone close to me hated her? Who could hate a kitty?"

Everyone looks at Anya. She rolls her eyes. "Bunnies! Not kitties! Bunnies are my thing," she insists. Besides, Anya was hardly close to Willow, the way I hear it.

Dawn thinks a moment. Seems like the remembering is coming easier. "Amy," she says. "It was Amy. But don't blame her. I think I wanted to eat her! Or at the very least, bat her around an awful lot." She thinks a little more. "No... I definitely wanted to eat her. And you can re-phrase that when you tell the story."

"Well I don't know how much of a friend Amy really was anyway, in the end." Willow smiles at Tara. "So you and me had a kitty once! How cute!" She stops smiling. "Up until the sacrifice part, I mean." She looks so guilty all of a sudden... I wonder if Red ever...? Nah. She'd never sacrifice an animal. Too black even for her.

"Enough!" I say. "I'm just glad it wasn't some person who died. I'm not even used to my girlfriend being real after all. Now I'm supposed to get my head around her being an ex-cat. Named Dark Dawn–or worse. Sorry, it's a bit much all at once."

"So now I know the worst? No more secrets?" asks Dawn, hopefully.

"You know everything we know," says T-Rex.

"All this Key stuff is a bit much. But knowing feels good. Thanks." Dawn hugs the witches again. I'm jealous. Don't I get any? She almost seems happier now than she did before she learned about the sacrifice. I guess in a way it makes her closer to Red and Tara.

"I can't top all that," I confess, "but I do have something for my girl."

Dawn's eyes light up as she remembers my package that came in the mail. "I hope it's something you made for me. Like you always did in Boston." She gets it and starts to tear off the brown wrapping.

I stop her and take the package. "Here. Let me. It's for you... but not just for you." Buffy sidles close as I pull the flaps apart and take out a black velvet case, a little longer than a shoe box.

"What is it?"

"Curiosity killed the cat, Dawnie." Bad joke. Buffy goes tense and glares a warning at me. I answer the question. "Dawnie, the Mayor gave me a knife. A wicked cool knife. I kinda got hung up on it, like it proved I'd joined the right side. I did some pretty bad things with it... and ended up gutted with it myself. Guess I had that coming." Dawn knows the story. She looks at B accusingly. "Don't blame B. Ancient history. But see, I found the knife again, at the old school. When I didn't think I could go through with the whole immortality thing, it gave me the strength to be a little bit evil. It's like I took all the evil I could find in me and put it in the knife where I could hold it and feel it. It made me remember how things were when I was with the Mayor. I guess that doesn't make much sense to anyone but me. Without the knife, I couldn't do what I thought I needed to do. For both of us."

Dawn's confused, but Tara nods. "It makes sense in a Wiccan way. You put part of yourself into an object so you can do magic with it, or meditate on it."

"Something like that. It's the only thing from the Mayor that I didn't get rid of."

Dawn grins. She's picked up a taste for weapons along with her dreams of helping patrol. "You're gonna give me your knife, aren't you?"

I trace a finger gently along Dawn's throat. "Yeah. In a way I am."

 

~ Continue to Episode 24 – The Knife ~

 

If you enjoyed this story, try CV. Buffy agrees to a meeting with someone from her past. It's not what she expected. (Faith/Buffy. Faith and Dawn have a very different relationship in that story.)

I always appreciate feedback in my Guestbook, or by email. Thanks for reading! (If you'd like to be notified when I post new stories, let me know.)

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