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"When is she coming?"
"Are you sure she's coming?"
"How far is she allowed to come?"
I laugh at my classmates. "She's coming to walk me home. I'm sure. And as long as she stays on the sidewalk, it's not school property and the principal can't say anything. Not like Faith cares anyway. She does whatever the hell she wants!"
I make Faith out to be sweet and nice when I talk to my teachers. But the students think she's tough and scary, and I encourage it sometimes. Partly to keep Kirstie scared away from me. And partly 'cause I kinda like the attention! Besides, it's not just putting Kirstie on the roof that makes us famous. It's also my legendary kiss! Some say I'm the best kisser the school has ever had. Too bad nobody at school will ever get to test that!
Word travels faster than light in this school, and by the time Faith shows up, there's a whole crowd of groupies–boys and girls, young and old, straight and gay.
The crowd spots her rounding the corner. "Is that her?" "That's her, I saw her at the dance, she was practically naked!" "I talked to her at the punch bowl!"
Faith looks at the onlookers, puzzled. "Hey, Dawnie... what's going on?"
"Tell us how you met!" one girl says. I don't even know her name. But that's life when you're a living legend. It won't last, so why not enjoy it?
I kiss Faith on the cheek and whisper to her. "I told you we were famous!" We're mystery, romance, and danger all rolled into one. Faith is a total unknown, the subject of wild speculation. And me? I'm a mystery 'cause I'm the last person anybody would have expected to hook up with a dark and dangerous stranger. Nobody knows what to make of me now.
Faith and I sit down and give the students of Sunnydale High a little glimpse into our forbidden love. "It all started in the cafeteria at my old school in Boston," I begin. "Everyone would trade stuff from their lunches, but nobody would trade with me. 'Cause I invent lots of new foods. Some of it's just ahead of its time." Several people nod. To this day, nobody will trade food with me. They have no imagination when it comes to lunch.
Faith smiles, remembering, and takes up the story. "Dawn was trying to get someone to take... what was it... coconut and turkey?"
"Coconut ham roll-ups," I correct her.
"Oh, yeah. And everybody was making puking sounds, but I thought it sounded pretty good and I said I'd take it."
"She didn't have anything to trade. She never had a lunch to eat. But I didn't care. She liked it!"
"It was good eats. Chewy and meaty."
"So we sort of became friends and we started to sit together at lunch. I'd bring her a new experiment to try every day. And then we started doing homework together. We were both in eighth grade 'cause she got held back three times. She's totally smart but she was always in a ton of trouble. She would beat up bullies who were a lot bigger than her!" Our audience murmurs, impressed.
"She started coming over to my place," continues Faith, "and we didn't want to do anything but be together. And before long I figured out what was going on. We were in love."
"But we were both afraid to say it," I explain.
"So I thought I owed Dawnie something after all the lunches and the homework help. I figured I'd bite the bullet and say it first."
"She took me up onto the roof of her building to watch the sun set. And while the sun was just going down she said, 'I think you should be my girlfriend.'"
The students are listening closely, hanging on every word, eager for gossip to tell. They are hearing the story of Faith and Dawn from the very legends themselves! Faith seems surprised at the attention. But we've never told the story before, and she's getting into it. "Yep. That's what I said. And Dawnie said, 'Why?'... and I almost had a heart attack. I thought I'd really put my foot in it. But I looked into her eyes and I was still pretty sure I was right. 'Because you love me,' I said. And she looked back at the sun and she didn't say anything for a long time. And then finally she said, 'OK.' But she still didn't look at me."
I remember it. I was speechless. "Then Faith said, 'Plus the other thing is, I love you.' And I still couldn't think of anything to say but 'OK' again. I still just looked at the sunset."
"And then," says Faith, "she reached over and held my hand. And I started to cry but I didn't know it. And Dawnie said, 'Don't cry!' but she was crying a little too."
"And Faith said, 'Why not?' And I said, 'Because you're my girlfriend and I love you forever and ever.' And she said, 'Forever and ever?' and I said, 'Forever and ever.'"
"And then we kinda cried some more," Faith confesses. "But it's true, we'll love each other forever and ever."
"And then did you kiss?" someone asks. There are quite a few moist eyes in the audience.
"No," I say. "We never kissed until the night she left town forever."
"There was a vam–" Faith stops herself, "–a psycho killer after me. He killed someone who was kinda like a mom to me, and I saw it happen. I didn't want him to kill Dawn too. So I left town. But first I went to Dawn's house in the middle of the night and woke her up and told her we might never see each other again, but I'd always love her." Tears appear in her eyes. Mine too.
"That was the worst night of both our lives," I say. "I never knew what happened to her. She started to go crazy from seeing that murder and losing me. She came here and met my sister and she didn't even know it. She ended up in prison. And then I came here to stay with my mom and my sister, and I never knew that when Buffy talked about Faith, she meant my Faith!" Everyone is silent now, just listening. It has to sound pretty unlikely–if you don't know about the Slayers and the Key–but nobody questions our story. "And then a few weeks ago, I got to missing her so much that I ran away from home and I searched all the way to Boston and back. And guess what? I found her! She had just gotten out of prison. We couldn't believe we found each other again!"
"She saved my life that day," says Faith, hugging me nose to nose. "And now we're together again, forever and ever."
"Forever and ever," I agree. "We even had to see each other in secret for a while. Faith wasn't allowed near me after what she did to Kirstie. But that's all over now, we can be together!" I grin at everyone, satisfied that I have maintained our larger-than-life reputation. The psycho killer was a nice touch.
"Are you gonna kiss her now, Dawn?" asks a girl's voice from the back of the group.
"Like at the dance?" pipes up someone else.
I turn to Faith, ready to show off... but when my lips touch hers, the others don't even exist for me. Hands on the back of her waist, I pull her hips into me and push her head back with my mouth. Her eyes close and our tongues meet.
Some time later, we pull apart, panting. Faith is completely dazed. She looks at the gaping audience, looks at me, and silently turns to go, eyes glassy. I take her hand and walk beside her, proud of the effect I have on my girl.
I turn and wave over my shoulder at the silent, wide-eyed onlookers.
Giles is lying on the floor in his padded gear. "That was acceptable use of Judo techniques against an armed opponent."
Acceptable, my ass! I had his ax in my hands and him on the ground in about two seconds. I got over being rusty from prison long ago. "Good thing you're better with the books than you are with a weapon."
"I am highly trained as you know. But I don't have the strength of the enemies you'll face on patrol." He acts like I just turned Slayer sometimes.
"I have had a Watcher before, you know." And she was about ten times as cool as Giles. But he does teach me some new stuff sometimes. Besides, he's no worse to practice on than the punching bag.
"As you keep reminding me. I won't try to fill her shoes. But tell me... what would you do if I did have the strength of a demon, and an ax, and you had nothing. What if there were three demons with axes?"
"I'd run. Lead them to someplace narrow where they could only come at me one at a time." There. He'll like that answer.
He removes the padded vest and hangs it by the door to the rest of the Magic Box. Pretty nice training space I've got here. Well... it's Buffy's training space, technically. But she hardly ever uses it any more. I think she's afraid she'll run into me and her ex-Watcher. She avoids seeing me with Giles even more than she avoids seeing me by myself.
He evaluates my answer, putting his jacket on and shaking it straight. "I see. And what would you really do?"
"You're the Watcher. You have a better idea?"
"No. Fighting them one at a time does give you the advantage. But something tells me that's not what you would do."
"Oh yeah? What would I do?"
"You'd fight them all at once, axes or no axes, and enjoy it all the more because of your needless peril."
I stare at him. Yes, that's exactly what I'd do. But he doesn't come on patrol with me. Does he know me that well already? I shrug. "So what. I'd win. They'd lose. They'd die."
"Or you might."
"Hasn't happened yet!"
He sighs, frustrated with me. "A Slayer must use her wit, her patience, her experience, any advantage she can seize. Not just rush in for the thrill of it." He takes his glasses off and pretends to be examining one of the hinges. "Especially if she wishes to spare her loved ones an unpleasant funeral."
Immediately I feel guilty. Ever since the beginning, I've kept Dawn and my Slayer world separate. But they're not. Any risk I take for me, I take for both of us. I promised not to leave her, and I don't intend to. It's just so hard to think of that when I'm in my groove and kicking ass.
But why is Giles on about this all of a sudden? I think I can guess. "Buffy tattled on me! That bitch!" She told Giles how I took on that demon in the cave!
"She told me you take needless risks, yes. Risks that could get you hurt or killed. She happens to be right."
"Fine! I'll try to change my habits. For Dawn's sake. I just wish B could butt out. Getting in the way of me and Dawn isn't enough. She has to stick her nose in with me and you, too! She can't stand to see anything work out for me!"
"There is another possibility."
"Yeah, what's that?"
"Perhaps she doesn't want you to get hurt or killed."
"Like she cares. She'd be just as happy if I did."
"Well, as I say... just a possibility."
"She thinks I want her dead. Probably because that's what she wants for me!"
"I'm still not going to get in the middle of you two. But I will train you to be more cautious."
"Fine. Wouldn't want to leave any joy in being the Slayer." We walk out into the shop. Tara is stocking up on little jars of god-knows-what. "Hey, T-Rex! Stuff for Dawn's birthday surprise?"
"Yeah, some of it. Coming to dinner tonight?"
I shake my head. "Buffy and Dawn are going out tonight I think."
"You could come over anyway. You could help us research the scrolls Buffy took from those vampires behind the post office."
"Scrolls? I didn't know anything about them." Suddenly I feel... I don't know. Lonely or something. Guess I'm not really in the loop. The Scoobies do their thing, and I do mine. But who cares! I do fine on my own. Plus I've got Giles, he's all about the research. I was never really one of the gang before anyway.
But I wanted to be, so badly. Guess I still do.
Somehow Tara seems to know exactly what's wrong. "You wish you were part of the group."
I shrug sadly, wanting to act tough, only it's hard to do with T-Rex. "I hang out with you guys anyway. Just... not for Slayer stuff. Who cares."
"It took me a long time to feel like I was really a Scooby."
"You?"
"Yeah. I felt like I was on the outside. Until Buffy stood up to my father. I know how it feels to be on the outside."
"Yeah. I kinda wish the gang wanted me on the inside."
Giles butts in, while ringing up Tara's purchases. "In other words, you wish Buffy wanted you on the inside."
"What?"
"You seem to be on good terms with everyone else. Just not Buffy. You want to work together with Buffy."
"Hardly! We're better off keeping out of each others' hair." But Tara and Giles exchange looks, not fooled. If I can't fool them, I can't fool myself. I roll my eyes pretending they're crazy. But now that I have Dawn in my life again, there's nothing I want more in the world than to be the Chosen Two again. Only Buffy hates me. And I earned that a million times over.
Giles gathers up his briefcase. "Well I'm off to a job interview. The new high school needs a new librarian, and I'm surely qualified to take my old job back. Thanks to whoever donated the new school." He looks at me meaningfully. I meet his glance without expression, admitting nothing. He turns and leaves.
"You're not the only one who feels left out," says Tara.
"Dawn?"
"Well, yeah, Dawn wishes she could patrol. But I was thinking of Buffy."
"What does Buffy have to feel left out about?"
T-Rex gives me a look. OK, maybe she's right. Buffy feels left out by Dawn and me. "Well it's her own fault. She's done everything she can to get between me and Dawn."
"She lets you see Dawn."
"Yeah, the social worker told her to."
"You know how she loves Dawn. If she really wanted to, she'd be fighting that. And I really don't think she is."
"OK, T-Rex. Point taken. I'll try to be nicer to B."
"Good. Just between you and me, she's afraid. She's afraid she'll never have a love like you and Dawn have. And she might be right. Not many people find that. So give her time to get used to things."
"OK, Mom!" I pretend to glare at her. I went from no mom around to everybody trying to be my mom! Willow, Tara, Dawn, Giles... even B when she starts in on me about taking risks! It's kinda cool, actually.
I follow Tara out. "I think I'll pass on the research party. It would only piss Buffy off when she found out I helped. I'd just as soon lay low for now: only two days to Dawn's birthday, and I want to be there!"
Tara sighs slightly and her face darkens. "I'm not so sure you do."
"Buffy's really mad at you guys? For wanting to let Dawn see herself?"
"It's not just Buffy, it's something else. First of all I'm scared for Willow. Sometimes Willow will be watching me do a complex spell and then suddenly it's done–done perfectly–and I never finished! I think she has so much power she can do magic without even knowing it. I don't think it's something she can just quit like she thinks she can."
"But she's been doing so well, I thought."
"She has. But I think the power's just building in her. I'm afraid the worst is yet to come for her."
"Red can handle it. With you to back her up, I know she can."
"I hope so."
"So... what's that have to do with Dawn's birthday?"
"Well, we're finding out a lot more than we set out to. Sometimes we'll be doing magic that has to do with the Key, and I'll start getting visions of the monks who made her. I think Willow's power has been making my spells more potent. And sometimes I'll be looking through a stack of ancient books and one will just fall open right to the page that tells about the Key. We're learning a lot, even when the monks used magic to cover their tracks, and I think Willow's power is making it happen."
"So... that's a good thing, right? We want to know all we can, be able to tell Dawn as much as possible... right?"
"Willow and I have been so excited researching where the Key came from, hoping we could give Dawn something really meaningful. Heal what broke in her when she learned she wasn't real. But maybe Buffy's right. Maybe Dawn's past isn't something we should be digging up."
"Why do you say that? I want her to know what she is and be proud of it. I think she will be proud. I know she will. I've seen the Key."
"Showing her what she really is is one thing. Buffy says even that's going too far. But we're getting a pretty good idea how she was made, and that's another thing entirely. I'm not sure Dawn will want to know. I'm not sure any of us will."
"What do you mean? The monks made her. She was just the Key before that. Nothing about the Key is her fault. She already knows it could have destroyed the world. She knows we all love her anyway."
Tara stops walking and turns back to me. "Faith, making the Key into a living breathing person, with a lifetime of memories down to the smallest detail... that's serious magic. And I'm not talking white magic. We think... we think there was a price."
I say nothing, not sure I want her to continue. But I told Giles I want to know everything about the Key, so I can protect it from now on. And I do. Good or bad, I want to know. "What kind of price?"
Tara looks down at her shopping bag, twisting it nervously. "Well... maybe human sacrifice. Not really what I'd call a fun birthday surprise."
My blood runs cold. I don't like thinking of my sweet, innocent Dawn being created by some blood sacrifice. And I really don't want her to think of herself that way. Maybe Buffy is right. Maybe the witches should have left well enough alone.
Tara explains. 'The Monks of the Order of Dagon couldn't just conjure a life from nothing. They had to take a life and give it to the Key."
"So they killed someone."
Tara shrugs. "Maybe not with an altar and a big shiny knife. But yes... they did their spells, and someone stopped existing. Dawn was with us instead. It might have been quick, it might have taken days, or weeks... We think maybe Dawn was made and then the... the victim... just started to fade from reality. It was probably really scary for them. Maybe painful. Plus, we've been trying to figure out where Dawn's memories came from... Maybe the monks didn't just make them up. Maybe they were based on whoever was... sacrificed."
"Maybe it was one of the monks, giving his life willingly."
Tara shakes her head, slowly. Her eyes are so sad. "It was someone we knew."
"Oh, God..." I swallow. "Who... who was it?"
"You may not have known her. You were gone by then. But the people closest to Dawn when she was created all knew her. She was probably one of the Scooby gang! And it was someone who was particularly close to Willow and I. We're pretty sure about that. Maybe because of our power. Maybe the Monks needed that. But we may never know who she was."
I stare at her in silence. Who could it be? Someone close to Willow and Tara. Not Cordelia. Not Riley. Not Angel. Probably someone at UC Sunnydale... but who? It's no use. If she was around when I came out of my coma, I've forgotten her just like everyone else has. "Are you sure it was a she?"
"Yeah. A female life taken to create a female life." She turns away and we walk again. "We'll never remember whoever she was. Our memories of her were taken along with her life. She was killed in a deeper sense than death. No records of her, no photos, everything she ever did or made or said... all gone. We have memories of Dawn instead. They might even be our memories of... whoever she was... with Dawn in her place. Or the memories might come from somewhere else. But the life... that came from her. There's no doubt. We want to be wrong, but we're not."
"So there's no way to know who it was?"
Tara thinks a while before answering. "Dawn might be able to do a spell to find out, but she's the only one. And what could be worse than knowing someone was killed for you? How about doing a spell that made you know that person! Dawn might even get memories from them, might even remember dying! The pain, the fear..." Her voice breaks and she gets very quiet. "So we're not sure that finding Dawn's origins is much of a gift at all." To my surprise, she begins crying softly.
"Tara... it will be OK..." I put my hand on her shoulder.
She shakes her head no, shedding tears. "Willow and I lost someone close to us. Especially close to me, more than anyone in the world! We know that! We keep wondering who. I guess we probably always will. We have clues... relationships people had with her... Someone close to Willow hated her, feared her... but Willow cared about her almost as much as I did. No details, just vague feelings! I think... I think..." She sobs harder and I rub her arm but it doesn't comfort her. "I think it was someone I loved, Faith! We can't help thinking... what if I lost a sister so buffy could gain one! What if I had a little sister I took with me when I ran away from home? Someone as important as Dawn is to us now. And then she was sacrificed, and we don't even have her memory! I don't want to know that! It's too awful!"
"Hey. T-Rex. Whatever we learn, even if Dawn never wants to know... it's all a good thing. Because it helps us protect her. It will help us when and if anything ever comes after the Key again. It's important. And whoever was lost, however tragic and unfair it was... something wonderful came out of it"
Tara nods.
"And we can leave it up to Dawn how much she wants to know. Maybe just let her think about it, and one day, when she's ready, you can tell her. She can even do the spell and find out whose life she has, if she wants to. But for now–for her birthday–just give her the spell to show her true form. Her true beauty. However terrible the past may be, what she is right now is beautiful and amazing. Let her see that for herself."
Tara hugs me, her smile returning. "We will! We'll give her that."
But it was fun anyway, and Buffy and I really talked. First time in a while. Even about Faith. Buffy gets sort of sad when I get all happy talking about Faith. I know she doesn't want us together. But she's letting it happen, so that's pretty cool of her.
Now we're driving home... only... this isn't the way home.
"So, I'm about to get all Mom on you," she says. "Brace yourself."
"Oh goodie."
"I told you before... when you were ready to have sex, I'd help you do it safely."
"Um. Yeah." Getting weird here!
"Well you have Faith now, so I get a little worried about that."
I snort. "Don't be. She won't ever have sex with me. She says we'd hate ourselves if we did. She makes me feel bad for wanting it, even though she says the wanting part is OK."
Buffy takes a hand off the steering wheel and pats my leg. "She's right. You might hate yourselves afterward. I usually do."
I look out my window to hide tears that I can't explain. It doesn't feel like a hate thing. It feels like a love thing. I want to make love to Faith. Tara's opinion has been starting to make sense to me: I think Faith and Buffy both have a problem with sex. I wish they didn't.
"Just take things slow, Dawn. Don't push her into anything. It's risking too much. You really care about her, you know I know that."
I nod, depressed by this talk.
"Then don't risk it. Wait. Maybe someday you will both know it's the right thing to do."
"Maybe."
We're totally going the wrong way to get home. "Where are we going?"
"Well, since you two seem like you're able to control yourselves, I've made up my mind... we're going to Faith's."
My tears dry up at once. "Can she stay over? Come on Buffy, let her stay over!"
Buffy nods. "We'll see. But not tonight."
"How come? Come on, please! I'll sleep in a sleeping bag!"
"Yes you will. It's in the trunk. And I packed your things. You're staying over at Faith's tonight."
I'm dumbstruck. Tara must have talked her into this. And to think, if I had said the wrong things today, Buffy might have just taken me home! "Really? You're letting me stay at her place? You're not like high on demon poison again are you?"
"Really. No demon poison. And there's one thing you need to be thinking about above everything else. How to make sure this isn't the last time I let you. That means you make sure nothing happens that a mom wouldn't want to hear! And I will find out."
"We'll be so good, I swear, Buffy!"
"Look in the the glove box. Early birthday present."
"Buffy, I love you so much!" I take out the little box. "It's a weapon, isn't it?"
"Yep."
I open it. It's... my very own cell phone! "Wow..."
"I've got one too. You call me any time, speed dial one, no matter where you are. Any time you're in any danger, or anything weird happens. I'm seriously wigging about you going back to Hellmouth High in the fall."
"It's a deal, Buffy! But how come you got it for me now? Does staying over with Faith worry you that much more than all the other places I go in the whole vampire-infested town?"
She looks at me. Yes, her look says, it does.
"Buffy, can we go home first, there's some other things I want to take to Faith. I already have them in a bag, it'll just take a second!"
"What things?"
My sister is so being Mom tonight. "A practice GED test and some Christmas lights for her room. Old ones, you never put them up anyway. And that little tiny portable TV that Dad got me. Faith doesn't have any TV."
"OK. That all has my approval. It's in the trunk too."
"My green bag? You went in my closet?"
"Willow told me about it. But I didn't look in it, I'm trusting you. I just added some clothes and your toothbrush."
Wow. "I thought you hated Faith."
"Maybe I do. But I love you, and that's the important thing."
I guess. But it makes me feel so bad, the way my sister and my girlfriend can't get along.
When we get to Faith's, Buffy has me wait down the hall with my sleeping bag and stuff while she knocks. At least I'm in sight–that might stop them from getting into too big a fight.
Faith opens the door. "Oh! Buffy... um... did you and Dawn have fun... is she here?" Faith steps into view and darts toward me with a big smile.
Buffy grabs her arm and stops her. "Faith," she scolds, "get... a... phone!"
"Sure, whatever... What's the big plan I'm not in on?"
"The plan is, you don't patrol tonight. Dawn's staying over."
Faith opens her mouth to speak, as surprised as I was. But Buffy leans in and whispers in her ear. Faith turns slowly white. I know Buffy is making threats. Detailed threats. Why do they have to be like that to each other?
Buffy steps back. "I think we understand one another. Dawn!" She calls me over finally.
Of course I want to jump on Faith and knock her to the floor, but I restrain myself while my sister's around. "Guess what, Faith, Buffy showed me some cool flips and somersaults! I can almost do a backflip now!"
Faith eyes Buffy suspiciously. Faith won't teach me any Slayer stuff. But this was all dodging and getting-away stuff anyway.
This might be the time to ask something I really want to happen. "Hey, don't you think I'm ready to come on patrol with you guys sometimes?" I'm as old as Willow and Xander when they started helping.
"No!" they shout, in unison.
"Dawnie," says Faith, "it's way too dangerous. We've been through this a million times."
"She's right," says Buffy, "and besides, we don't patrol together anyway."
"But I thought you guys fought that last demon together."
Faith nods yes, while Buffy shakes her head no. "Nope. That was just luck. We both tracked the same demon to the same place."
I sigh. I wish everybody could just be friends, but my sister and Faith can barely be in the same room together. Buffy reminds me about my new phone, warns me to be on time for school in the morning, and makes her getaway. I turn to hug her good night but she's already off down the hall. Poor Buffy. I wish she was as happy as me. She vanishes quickly around the corner. I wait a few moments just to be sure.
Now I can jump on Faith!
~ Continue to Episode 17 – The Earth Wants You Back ~
If you enjoyed this story, try CV. Buffy agrees to a meeting with someone from her past. It's not what she expected. (Faith/Buffy. Faith and Dawn have a very different relationship in that story.)
I always appreciate feedback in my Guestbook, or by email. Reader responses will determine whether I publish more stories, and will help improve them! Thanks for reading! (If you'd like to be notified when I post new stories, let me know.)
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