Thursday, November 27, 2003
I'm over my shit now and feeling better and ready to work, shop, party, and generally be me.
There are just not enough hours in the day to do all I want to and keep my slacker status.
Dad made a delicious dinner and I'm feeling quite comfy.
Tons of movies I'm watching: "Lay Yu"(good), "Friends and Family"(pretty but ultimately sucky), "Frida"(like a highlight reel or worse, a how to manual of how to be bohemian, but overall, good).
The unseen list: "Veronika Voss", "Kwaidan", "Mr. Hulot's Holiday","Nada", "Just One Time".
I also saw "Seven Samurai" for the first time in years last week. Excellent stuff.
And the one thing that make dvds worth the money is that the best ones have commentary tracks and background material.
"Seven Samurai" had an excellent commentary by a critic of Kurosawa's who has seen the film more than 15 times. He gave a rundown of the camera shots that was a great how-to for beginners.
I'd love to be a film maker and have wanted to transition into that career for some time.
But the patience and persistance necessary to wait possibly years for a project to be funded and completed is more than I can stand. I will have to find a way around this difficulty.
Anyway, more tomorrow...

I'm so bored, out of it, and sad.
Ahhh, another happy holiday.
I'd get drunk but that's no fun.
So I'll ride it out instead.
Listening to: Astral Weeks-Van Morrison...cuz it's the only thing that helps.

Wednesday, November 26, 2003
well, another year another turkey day.
in a couple of days anyway.
went out last night with LaLinda. had some fun, had some laughs, and in the end a conversation at our favorite diner.
I realized today (after blowing off class last night) that I don't have to be anywhere the rest of the week! Except that, I have to get together with my study group to prepare a presentation for a class. We all think it's retarded to have grad students do a presentation, but that's what happens when you have class split between undergrads and grads. There's give and take. And occassionaly it sucks.
Speaking of sucking, I could go for a guy right about now. But my goddamn need to actually, you know, LIKE the guy and know him first makes it impossible for me to have normal one night stands like every other guy in the known world! What the fuck is my problem? Oh well...
I am now addicted to the following: Donovan's Greatest Hits, the dvd of "Lan Yu", and Entenmann's devil's food choclate covered donuts.
I'm bored.
But I'll get over it.
I was talking earlier with Ohio girl about relationships. We both take the subject of marriage very seriously.
The thing I can't understand is how you can share your life with someone and then, if things don't work out, just be apart from that person completely. I mean, I understand unresolved feelings and the need for space after a breakup. But I'm always made sad by the fact that a person you still love in a friendly way can cut themselves out of your life,never to be seen again. I understand it on an intellectual level, but emotionally it still throws me. I like to have people who never leave. But that is asking for a heckuva lot. I've been lucky in my family and close friends. But even there, it feels like it's all on a knife edge. Our lives seperate, and with any distance and new responsibilities, it becomes that much easier to miss phone calls and hang out time. And suddenly, a person who meant so much to you is just a distant memory.
This is happening with English Rose and me right now. I still love her, but our lives are so seperate. And the once-every-six-months-or-so phone call(usually missed) just ain't making it. We are living such different lives now. I think if I lived in England for a while we would find ourselves back on point. But that doesn't seem likely. And she isn't making the effort I would like to see it happen either. I don't think it's malicious, just the reality of life. Having a husband, a business, and other interests make it hard to keep up with a friend on another continent.
I will have think about this situation some more.
"Lan Yu" is such a nice movie. I'll watch it again before going to bed I think. Gay Chinese melodrama suits my mood perfectly.
Must be the season of the witch...

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