Making Kousagi Cry



Let Go
By MoonPrincess623


1 2 3 4 5 6 7


PLOT: Islamic terrorists. Japanese Nazis. American extremists. All three are about to unleash hell on the world, and only one person can stop them...Daria Morgendorffer?
NEW CHARACTERS: Konton aka Sailor Nemesis
LENGTH: 74,247 words
RATING: N/A


COMMENTS: Now, normally, when it comes to the stories I read, I usually write my two cents and complain all about what is wrong with this story. But, this time, I'm not going to. Who knows why? Maybe it's because I'm lazy. Maybe it's because I'm busy. Maybe I've sustained so much brain damage from head desking at previous fanfics that I can't write a coherent, dry-witted review. Maybe it's the fact that I'm still smacking my head over the author saying, and I quote, "older kids are meaner to younger ones mostly because (this is me here) can't stand their immatureity. Younger sibs are going to be braty and demand things from the older ones, it is the nature of life." (Oh, really?) Maybe I'm sick and tired of half-Saiyan sailor senshi with crappy background stories and such wonderful names like "Endymoon". Yes, there is an "Endymoon" in this story.

Or, maybe it's because someone else expressed the problem with this crossover/Mary Sue (and believe me, this Mary Sue is a doozy) fanfic so well I've decided to reproduce (98 percent of) it here. That's right, for the first time ever, I'm using someone else's review to explain why this fanfic is on this website. An anonymous reviewer by the name of "Monica", to be precise, posted this in response to this fanfic (and apparently to the author's response towards a previous review of this story based), and while I don't agree with some parts of it (saying it's AU doesn't excuse you from wtiting crap, sorry Monica) I believe all five followers of this website will definitely agree with most of her points. So, thank you to Monica, I'm hoping you don't mind (you are far kinder than I at reviewing, after all), and let 'er rip:

"Don't have a username. Sorry. Never said I didn't like your story, just the way you were making some of the characters behave. If it weren't for that, I would have given you a positive review. The review box has a message underneath that says I have the right to review to give you tips for improvement, and that was what I did.

"I said you need to tone down the insults between the characters and watch the series again to remember some stuff. What's so terrible about that?

"I am sorry my review sounds like flame. Didn't mean for it to sound offensive. I was just stating my opinion. A flame is when you're being needlessly rude about it, and I don't think I was.

"The point is, you can write the characters OOC if you want, but if you're going to do that, and make them all have annoying and verbally abusive attitudes for humorous purposes, don't overdo it. Don't make them act like that for seven chapters without having another character make them realize and stop. When someone keeps verbally abusing someone for /that/ long, it stops being justified, or funny.

"Either that, or add a warning about the characters being OOC, or the fic being AU, in the summary of your story. People like to be warned and that way, nobody will have the right to complain.

"You got yourself an interesting story here, though your Nemesis character is annoying and so are the Outers' attitudes. They act superior far too many times, and for the longest time. I can bet you anything that if you found people like that in real life, you wouldn't stand them for two seconds, older/younger sibling or no: If you take the time to think about it, you'll see that you are making the Outers act immature, even more (or instead) than the Inners.

"Just so you see why: the Outers have faced three enemies since they've met Sailor Moon (Pharaoh 90, Nephrenia and Galaxia) two of which were defeated by Sailor Moon. Sailor Moon defeated Nephrenia (in the cartoon series, twice even) and defeated Galaxia and Chaos, but who has Uranus defeated? Who have Neptune and Pluto defeated? No matter how much you change the events of the Moon Kingdom, there's still the fact that it was Bunny who saved the world those times in the present, so even if she were not their true princess, she would still deserve they give her a bit more respect and not call her stupid, if they were really so mature. As for Saturn, for crying out loud, Uranus and Neptune wanted to kill her, and she calls Bunny and the Inners immature for having tried to save her life? How is that kind of ungratefulness, not being immature? The other Outers call them stupid for having wanted to stop them from killing enemies, but the only time the Inners acted that way was when they wanted to kill a fellow scout, one that in the end meant no harm at all.

"If Pluto is really the strongest scout, it doesn't really matter. Since she's stranded at the Gates, it doesn't change the fact that it was not her who saved the world when Wiseman, Nephrena and Galaxia attacked. So if she were mature, she should give a little more respect and gratitude to the people who had to do it for her.

"You can say the same for Nemesis. Besides, even if she hated Bunny, if she truly loved her Outers so much, Nemesis should at least thank her for risking her life to protect Hotaru, when she was possessed by Mistress 9, and when Uranus and Neptune wanted to kill her, and saving the four Outers from Nephrenia and Galaxia. So far, she sounds like another terribly ungrateful person. Not the best way to make an OC liked.

"Older siblings or not, Nemesis and Outers should at least be able to admit that stuff. Even if they refuse to, why do you have the Inners just sit down and take the insults? Why do they allow them to belittle Bunny so so much, when she is the one to thank for all of them being alive? Even Sailor Mars and Luna didn't go that far.

"And you can't say they're just teasing, when you had Nemesis tell Bunny that she wanted her to beg for her life. You can't pass that as simple sibling banter. There is a difference between sibling banter and that. That is being hateful, spiteful, bloodthirsty, vengeful, and even abusive. A in veraly abusive. And how is it that the Outers tolerate that, yet don't tolerate Bunny's "bratiness"? How is someone being so spiteful and abusive more tolerable than someone being merely whinny? How is it that they're willing to let pas all of Nemesis nastiness, but they won't forgive Bunny and the Inners for mistakes that aren't much more serious? Even if she's their princess, if she has a psychotic dark side to her personality, they should help her control it, they shouldn't just let her get away with everything; just like the Inners don't let Bunny get away with everything. Unfair as well as ungrateful, that's how this makes them sound."


So, moral of the review: older siblings are not all assholes or Mary Sues, younger siblings aren't all just idiots and the sailor senshi aren't Mary Sue's playthings. Oh, and don't call Mamoru's brother "Endymoon".



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Sailor Moon and related characters are copyrighted 1991-2009 Naoko Takeuchi.