By Gallantmon of the Hazard
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PLOT: While in the Jungles of Africa, Serena and Rei come upon Kaa, a charming snake with more to him than meets the eye. Indeed, can either of them escape the power of Kaa's hypnotizing eyes once he sets his sights on them?
NEW CHARACTERS: Random naked African girl
LENGTH: 11038 words
COMMENTS: Before reading this fanfic, I was unaware of the author named Gallantmon of the Hazard. Like me, he does various crossovers. Unlike me, however, he uses dub names and mish-mashes them with original names, and after looking over one of his fanfics, he also seems to plagarize from patches of dialogue from series he writes for. Also unlike me, he wrote this story, which I will forever know him for. And because of this, I invoke the ghost of Rudyard Kipling, so that one thousand mongeese may gnaw at his ankles for writing this. Heck, even just the ghost of Sterling Holloway, the man who voiced Kaa in the Disney film (and who also voiced their Winnie the Pooh, as a side note) would suffice, since the Disney version is where this Kaa is coming from due to his description - which makes this even more WTF than it is.
Basically, the sailor senshi end up in Zimbabwe (why precisely they decide to go there is never fully explained, because I sure as heck would not want to go there right now) where both Serena and Rei (who replaced Raye for the duration of this fanfiction, but still has her personality for...some reason), who are both seduced by Kaa to engage in some rather droll bestiality with him which nevertheless hacks away at my childhood with every scene. Why? Because he's a snake and apparently, snakes love hypnotizing hot underage ethnic girls and making them his sex slaves. While it might be a thing of power that he does this, that doesn't explain much at all. Like, for example, why Kaa is in Africa and not in, I don't know, India? Or why he decided to seduce random ethnic girls in order to primarily have sex with them ('survival against predators' being the flimsy reason given in one throwaway line)? Or why the only way he can be described is with a 'seductive smile'? Or the fact that Kaa only ssssssssssssssssseemssssssssssssssssss to ssssssssssssssssssssssssssspeak with a ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssslithering lisssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssp that lookssssssssssssssssssssssssss like sssssssssssssssssssssssssssomeone held the sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss key down for thirty sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssecondsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss? (If that last sentence did not make your eyeballs cross, I salute you.)
I will never know what Gallantmon of the Hazard was thinking when he wrote this. But what I do know is that this was apparently a consolation fanfic - according to his author's notes, he had taken down a fanfic that was more intense than this one. I'm almost afraid to ask - Darien/Lilo? Chibi-Usa 'playing' with Dumbo's trunk? We'll never know. But let's hope there isn't a sequel - we have enough Disney/Sailor Moon porn as it is.
Sailor Moon and related characters are copyrighted ©1991-2008 Naoko Takeuchi.