Good Places to Waste Time
This is not just any random collection of crap, nosiree. I have personally visited and inspected and approved these sites. Yes indeed! This is quality crap, like the kind that comes in colored glass bottles with childproof caps. In fact, I have even organized them into convinient catagories and included a helpful summary. And if you suffer from a surfeit of riches, or you are just chronically indecisive, try the random links thingie below. Enjoy!

Beerswilling taxedermized rodents yodel the praises of Roadside America!

Roadside America
I can't say enough good things about this site! It's a snarkily written guide to all those bizarre roadside 'believe it or not' attractions like gator farms with daily feeding-shows, exotic dancer museums, freakshows, mystery spots, giant sculptures, and prison tours where, if you're lucky, they'll let you sit in an actual electric chair. Cool beans.
Mad Martian
A plastic eyeball museum, a stick bug named Buggles, the Interactive Toilet of Terror. Who could ask for more? There's a hell of a lot more in this guy's own persoanl worldlet of madness. Not to mention he's selling the best damn chameleon mask I've EVER seen (gift shop)!
Hamster Dance
This is possibly the most kawaii time-wasting site available on the web today. Visit my essay documenting my obsession with the jitterbugging rodents and their folksy, falsetto tunes, 'How Hampster Dance Stole My Soul' and The Infectious Organism Dance or BabyDance.
Squirrel Fishing
Nikolas Gloy and Yasuhiro Endo of the Division of Engineering and Applied Sciences at Harvard show us how to fish for squirrels. Smart boys. Check this one out for the pictures alone. Important note: Squirrel fishing is NOT the same thing as shooting squirrel.
Two Cats Who Look Like Hitler
Just what it says.
True Facts about Prehistoric Dogs
A spotter's guide to these half-dinosaur, half-dog creatures. Even a page of their skulls!
Why Cats Survive Falls From Skyscrapers (and you don't)
Truly a fascinating serious article.
The Squashed Bug Zoo
Don't look at this one while you're eating. If you insist on it, however, then visit Iowa State U.'s Tasty Insect Recipes
Broadswords and Bunnies
I can't decide if this page likes little furry critters or not, it seems awfully sarcastic.
Katt's MLP Page
Look, I admit I played with My Little Ponies. I know you did too. Didn't you wish you could make your own? Now you can. Go on, have fun. See if you can find mine.
Furby Autopsy
Toh-Loo-Ka went belly-up - and they sliced him open. Actually a very scholarly report on Furby guts (also check out Schroedinger's Kitty and Eek of the Week at the home page).
The Surrealist Compliment Generator
Visit this several times a day! My favorite so far:"Entranced by the bitter harmony of your lips, I gaze beyond reason to find the oasis of your ruptured soul." Imagine dating a poetic goth and you'll get the idea.
Dialectizer
Just enter some text or tell it your URL (if you want your website dialectized) and this nifty thingie will translate your writing! You don't have to be Mark Twain, Stephen King, or Uncle Remus to write in dialect! Choose from Hillbilly, Jive, Elmer Fudd, Moron, Pig Latin, etc.
Gallery of the Absurd
A wicked pop-culture spoof, with tons of retro eye candy and a truly scary Scary Clown Page.WARNING: Homunculiphobiacs beware. Not a Clown-Free zone.
CIAC Internet Virus Hoaxes
A useful guide.
Tamagothi
Raise your own black-wearing, ankh-toting, Bauhaus-listening-to little virtual goth. The FAQ page alone is priceless. And if you recognize yourself, feel shame.
The Fantasy Doctor Toy Line
A terrific product! This has to be seen to believed. And check out their homepage, too.
Change Your Astrological Sign
If you're a shy Leo, a pushover Taurus, or a sane Gemini, this site solves your problems. (I'm a Leo, if you cared).
AOL's Instant Message
Although AOL sucks in many respects, one of it's few redeeming features is the Instant Message program. It's kind of a cross between talking on the phone and writing email. Now even nonAOL users can use it. If you do get it, be sure to check out ~
Chat Abbreviations and Acronyms
FYI. For newbies or PWCMCIA, I HTH. Alphabetical list of those weird little groups of letters. There are several of these but AFAIK, this is the best. Of course, that's JMHO. CYO! EOM.
The Liber Angelorum
Do you think angels are: A. god's messengers B. willowy blonde chicks or fat babies with wings C. a marketing gimmick - think again. Reconstructed from fragments of the text in the Torre Di Angeli of Cittagaze, this tells the truth about the quantum-intellegence entities enslaved by the Authority.
Name That Candy Bar
Finally, a lifetime of junkfood put to some use.
The Free Site
What the hell, it's all free!
The WWWF Grudge Match
Steve and Brian ask the eternal question, "Who would win a fight between Urkel and Tatoo?" Altho now defunct, all the old fights are still listed, and it links to similar sites. And not all are knock-down-drag-out bloodfests. For example, the Scooby Doo gang and the X-Files gang compete to solve a mystery, and the Terminator 2 searches Canada's Edmonton Mall for Waldo and Carmen Sandiego. Or skip ahead to the page below:
Doogie Howser vs Niles Crane Grudge Match
This is a page from the Grudge Match (above). Two men of medicine, both built like 15-year-olds . . . who will emerge triumphant??? In my opinion, the funniest match. Go Niles!
Joe Bates Freak Show
The best resource for sideshow and freak-related stuff. Good stuff like banners and how to speak carny lingo.
Hocus Pocus Palace
The Great Mysto reads your mind. No, really! A neat updating of an old mathematical trick.

PUBLICATIONS

The Mudpile
With articles about a man whose baldness cure turns him into a monkey, a murderous baby doll, vegetable oil (instead of tanning oil) frying a woman alive, a man with his head in a fish bowl, Sesame Street's Bert arrested for assault, and a bum-pinching, toilet-dwelling lobster, this is always a snort - like a tabloid that laughs at itself.

There's no place like HOME!

"Draggin' The Line" by R.E.M. ~ off the 'Austin Powers The Spy Who Shagged Me' soundtrack