many of you who know me may never have known of my struggle with pornography and masturbation. it was a real struggle and it held me in its chains for a good. God guided me to freedom through an online bible study called Setting Captives Free (an online course that helps people stuck in pornography, eating disorders, homosexuality find freedom.) The testimony below was written at the end of the course to let people know of the saving power of Christ. The rest is in there..... 

My mentor throughout the Pure Freedom course was Pete. I got entangled in masturbation and pornography in 1995. I was not a Christian until 1997 and even though I never saw pornography or masturbation as a sin, somehow something deep inside me desired to be free. I tried to be free even as an unbeliever and even when I accepted Jesus as my savior I was still unable to break free of the bondage over my life. I never doubted that pornography and masturbation was sin but despite this knowledge I was still caught in that cycle of sin-repentance and never was able to walk away totally. When I went into the military in 1999, it seemed that there was hope for me because most of my time was spent away from home, so I would not have been able to look at pornography or masturbate as and when I wanted. I would be free for weeks but after a month would fall back into my sin. After trying a few more times and falling, I gave up and gave into my lust week after week. This constant cycle of temporary freedom, falling back into sin, and giving up totally carried on and on even after I had finished my service in the army two and a half years later. While I was in the military I served in church as a youth leader and helped out in church a lot but yet engaged in pornography and masturbation in that deep dark corner of my room. I even tried removing my network card and disconnecting my computer from the internet totally but it was useless. Pornographic images would come back into my mind in my times of loneliness and stress and soon after there I was back in that dark corner

In April of 2002, I migrated over to the US and had been free for nearly 3 months. But within two months I was back in my sin. At this point I was considering forsaking God and just carrying on with my life of sin. 5 months! The longest I have ever been and still I could not be free. It made me so afraid that even after being free for that long, deep down, I still cherished pornography and masturbation in my heart and waited earnestly for the next opportunity to satisfy my depraved lust. At the point where I was considering totally giving up, I cried out to God and He spoke to me one word that I will never forget. He told me that I had "HOPE!" One of the three things that will always endure, "HOPE".

In Nov of 2002, after having fallen again, I stumbled upon the setting captives free website in my last ditch attempt at being free. After stumbling a few days into the course, I never looked back. I applied the truths that were taught into my life. I made sure that I had no access on the internet unless my sister was there with me and remained accountable to her if I ever fell. I confessed my sin to my pastor and he helped me through the course and kept me accountable. Most importantly, I sought God daily for strength. One important thing that I have learned was that no matter what I do, I would never gain victory unless God gives me the strength. We are incapable of ever being truly free from sin and bondage except through God's strength and grace. All this has happened because Christ has given me the daily strength to walk away. The only reason that I struggled to be free and failed was because of one thing, I relied on every other resource but God. I humbled myself each day before God and asked Him to grant me the strength because I am totally incapable of doing it myself. Although I have gone through 59 days of the course ,I have actually practically been free for 5-6 months. Gone is the fear of falling back into the cycle. Now I know that I do not need pornography and masturbation because my body was not made for that filth. It was meant for the Holy Spirit's dwelling and the Lord's purpose. The bible does not call believers unholy and sinful people, it calls us a new creation, a holy people, able to live for Christ and best of all the righteousness of Christ. WOW!

When I walked away from my sin, the rest of my life started falling in place. I never realized until recently that my sin was one of the reasons that my relationship with my parents was so bad. Ever since I walked away, I have grown closer and closer to my parents. Most importantly I have grown in my relationship with Christ. For years my spiritual walk has been an up and down rollercoaster. In the past I thought that I was growing simply because I grew in knowledge, but the truth is that there isn't any growth if there is no application or fruit from the knowledge of God. Not only have I been growing in my knowledge of Him but more importantly He has given me the determination to put His word into practice and I have been set free by His grace.

He truly longs to show you grace and set you free. He is able.

FREEDOM!

Comments, suggestions and questions can be sent to me.