ya know... I really didn't want to be alone and single this Christmas... but here I am, haven't been kissed since I dumped Bonner...

it's not that I'm shallow and would date anybody just so I wasn't alone.. I just really wanted to have one of those moments sitting in front of a Christmas tree unwrapping gifts, drinking hot coco and sneaking kisses. I wanted someone to bring home to my family. I wanted to be happy this holiday.. dammit, I wanted someone to kiss for new years that isn't gay. Alhough I do appreciate the kiss on the cheek I get from Kevin every year. I just wanted this time to be different.  Instead I had to drive to Texas with the rest of my family pissed off becuase we're in this itty bitty truck. 5 people. 2 dogs (in the cab with us). 12 hours. it's misery.

and the whole time I'm thinking about MMMS... he's re-entered my life, for how long i don't know.. his phone calls can always brighten my day.. although it really reminds me how busy I am when I can't just tear away from it all and go see him... if i could I would. I really really would. the things he says are so nice to hear.. really he does know me well and knows what to say to make me smile... I just don't know how much I can believe him... I really do care for him, and I would trade the world if i knew he would be willing to do the same.. but i'm just not sure yet if he would... part of me says this whole doubt BS is retarded and I should just ignore it... but boys are heartbreakers...