// feeling // : Acomplished

// feeling // : Groggy, but half of my face is clean (long story, getting there)...

And here i thought I would have a dull, uneventful evening last night. Perhaps go out for coffee. Watch a movie. You know, boring shit. But Aidan and Skye had other plans. They wanted to go out and do something - anything - like clubbing, dancing, drinking, I'm sure moose riding would be in there somewhere. They were bored. Can't say as I blame them.

So, we thought over the list of bars we could co to, and striked off the names in the list of the ones we knew we wouldn't. Respect Is Burning - No, to fancy. Cactus Pete's - No, I don't want to be responsible for the death of any of the staff there when I kill her... Oh, that's another story altogether, but not today. The Townehouse - Nah, too packed with twerps and there's usually a cover charge. Peddlers - Too loud. Yesterday's - Not our scene. Rafters - Yeah, right. The Grand - NO!!!!! Zig's - Not with Aidan.

So, I was running out of ideas when Aidan mentioned the Solid Gold, and Skye so foolishly mentioned that she had never been to a strip club before. So we grabbed Eric and headed off to that big blue building... in the same parking lot as a primairly all male Catholic high school (if that isn't a physical oxymoron, I don't know what is). After the first drink, all 4 of us sat front row center - the perverts row. And between me and Aidan, we could have out hollered the rest of them... If I didn't get hoarse half way through the feature show.

And boy, that feature show was good. And perhaps it's the alcohol I drank, or the fact that I was too busy trying to scream to get her attention, but I never did catch her name (but it's on the poster I got tho). Any girl who walks out in camo is gonna grab my attention... *Drool* Snow camo pants... In a heap on the stage... hehehe.

Her last "act" I guess you could say in the first show we saw her involved a lot of soapy water. I was quite glad I had finished my drink before this part. She did the usual naked thing with a sponge stuff, like wringing it out over her body, etc. But it was the slip-and-slide action that was the most interesting.

Like I said, we were sitting front row center. She decided that she was going to slide straight down to me and Aidan, and we were to push her back. The first time we didn't get to far... Mainly because I don't think we were too sure what she was going to do (plus it would have been quite interresting just to have her stay there...), but afterwards, we got the hint... She slid to Aidan the second time and he pushed her right back... Then to me. And a smigin of a miscalculation on her part the length of my arms, and smooosh... one soggy left breast colided with my face. Boy were the guys jealous.

After the show (and the wiping down of the table, pouring out of drink glasses, and wringing myself out), Aidan and I got posters, signed from her. I personally like my inscription - "Veshka, sit on a happy face! Love <unreadable signature> P.S.: Thanks for catching me." And there was an arrow pointing to the face. I sat and talked with her for a while, where she told me of the show she'll be doing after 1:00. S&M'ish, hard core, fettish, etc... Well, I wasn't going to miss that!

Me and Aidan counted down the time between then and the show, Eric remaining silent (but liking the poster I got) and Skye being half embarrassed... When it dawned on me that the shirt I was wearing (hell, the whole outfit), and sitting beside Skye, I probably looked severely like a lesbian on a date. I had the whole butch look going on for me. But I didn't care so much... Particularly when the next act, who spent a good deal of her show on the floor, sprawled on a nice white duvet, complimented me on my shirt and informed me that she saw white ones just like it at Randy River. She was cool. Called Aidan a freak, and kicked one of the guys around the corner in the perverts row who decided that it was a good a place as any to take a nap.

Eventually, the feature act came back out - in full PVC, cape, mask, corset/thong/bra, whip, etc. And guess who got pulled up on stage?????

No, not me. Aidan.

And I've got the pictures to prove it!

She put a collar and a leash on him, paraded him around the stage, then it got interesting. She handed me a polaroid camera, flipped Aidan's shirt over his head, pulled his pants half off his ass and proceeded to make lewed jestures towards it with a variaty of phallic instruments of the ribbed and vibrating kind. Got 2 great pictures that I will have up and on this site as soon as I can get my scanner working. I promise you, these have to be seen to be fully appricated.

Then, out came the candle... She proceeded to pour wax over herself, the Aidian poured wax over her, then... She sat on him and started to return the favor. Boy did he jump! Over his nipples, then, on to the interesting bits. (After note - He was still picking wax out of the naughty bits at 4:00 am) (And complaining it burned) (And rubbing it in my face) (No, not the naughty bits, the fact it wasn't me up there) (Yes, I would have enjoyed that) (And I can handle the wax) (Don't ask)

The announcer said "He's going to have a hard time explaining the burn marks on his cock to his girlfriend", which is when I proceeded to shout "He doesn't have one", and Skye had to ask which - a girlfriend or a cock? Personally, considering the flinching Aidan did, I'm not too sure anymore. (Sorry dear.)

And then we went home. Me, muttering to myself that Aidan's a lucky bugger, Aidan complaining that his weiner's been waxed, and Skye finding the whole situation to be all too funny.

// feeling // : Wide awake.

I don't know why, but I've been feeling burnt lately. Started yesterday when I got to work. I felt fuzzy, for lack of a better description. I couldn't focus, both visually and mentally. I couldn't keep my eyes open, my head up, sit straight, hold a conversation, etc. I only felt good when I was outside on my breaks. Who knows, maybe it was the fresh air (or as close as one can come to in Sudbury) that perked me up. I drove home with the window rolled down (and it was cold), puttered around on the internet for a while, and went to bed around 2:00 am.

And slept in until 12:30.

And felt like shit still. So I called in sick and went back to bed from 4:00 to 7:00. And now I'm so awake it's not funny.

So, I decided to make something to eat. Mmmmm, kimchi noodles. That oughta slow me down. And considering I'm used to eating this late/early, I'm not sure when I should start feeling sluggish. Plus, I'm a night shifter, we tend to be a little pudgier than normal. So no "you shouldn't be eating this late, think of your waistline" crapola. I already have padding there, I doubt this will hurt.

Mind you, Eric's being a turd. A big turd. For some sadistic reason, he seems to enjoy belittling me, be it in front of someone or in private. Some may call it complaining, bitching, suggesting, nagging, etc. I call it belittling. Since I'm so wide awake (but still feeling less than perfect, or better yet, less than mediocre), I decided it couldn't hurt to putter around on the computer. I'm working on the layout for my new site, when I can get the webspace. Eric starts getting all strict parent on me saying that if I'm feeling that good to sit in front of the computer, then I should have gone to work, and that I'm just being a "lazy ass" and that if I wasn't in bed in 5 minutes, he was going to throw the breaker for the office.

You know what? I had a Father. Albeit he's gone, I'm 24 and don't need a replacement. And if I did, I would not hire the help of my husband to do that.

Perhaps I'm just a sucker for punishment. But I'm leaving him a nice little note for tomorrow. Skye's coming down for the weekend and if he so much as opens his mouth and utters one smigin of a nasty sentence, he's going to be spending some time alone. Utterly alone. It's all dependant on what he says weither or not it will be me leaving or him.

For those of you who are new to this whole complaint, you might be thinking I'm overreacting. No, I'm not. Let's see... How about the time when he walked into William's and informed me to get my fucking ass into the van (all because he wanted me to wait for him outside of the coffee shop for 30 minutes in March, which he never stated for me to do in the first place). That one caused a number of worried phone calls from friends I was with, wondering weither or not I was in some serious trouble, considering the anger and ferocity his outburst was. Then, there's the countless times he's given me shit in a scoffing tone in front family members (parents, sibling, grandparents, aunts and uncles I never see...) how if I don't put all the laundry away when we get home it'll be on the lawn the next morning (we do laundry at my Mom's on the weekend), or if I go out one more time after work with my friends he's going to take my bank cards. Etc, etc, bloddy fucking etc. And for the most part I've been quiet.

Don't get me wrong. Love the guy, moreso when he's not a complete asshole. And generally, he's got some room to complain. I will admit, I'm not the best housekeeper. And I do go out often after work with friends. But, I don't manage to make much of a mess aside from my crafting (which does get messy, yes, but contained), and empty pop cans on the computer desk. Aside from that, I'm not the one who stacks unknown amounts of junk on the kitchen table, dirties stacks of dishes (I generally don't eat here often...), knocks over the stack of magazines in the bathroom (which I might add, aren't even my magazines... I've never been fond of reading Muscle Mag or Flex), leaves stacks of papers in random locations, or creates a pile of computer cables and weorkout equipment in front of the TV. So what, once in a while I'm a day late with the kitty litter. Or I didn't rinse out a pot. I at least know how to rinse out the sink after brushing my teeth and don't leave little hairs on the counter. I'm the one who deals with all the pet messes. And I don't consider cleaning to be moving the mess to another room.

As for going out with friends, fuck him on that one. It's midnight, and if he's expecting me to just come home and go to bed, he's got another thing coming. Not only am I an extravert (married to an introvert, wonderful), I'm also too awake at that time to just mosey on to bed. And he's not the best conversationalist at 12:00 anyways. Besides, what's open at midnight here? The Pita Pit and 2 Burger Kings. I couldn't spend more than $10 bucks at either. And we're talking 1 hour, tops usually.

So, I think I'm in the right. One way or another, the method in which he bitches will be nipped in the bud, and Valkyrie style. He has never won a war with words with me (which is my speciality, hence Banfilidhe's nickname for me - the Verbal Valkyrie, and the downside of his first language being French), and by the Gods he won't now. If he can't show a little respect, he's going to be mighty sorry.

And, aside from that, my AMD station's been redone... And now, instead of freezing from time to time and rebooting on its own once in a while, it freezes every hour and reboots everytime you turn around. Which would figure, considering I just finished tweaking the thing. Eric decided, for something to do I guess, to throw Win98 and 2000Pro up on a dual boot on the AMD (which is my 1600+ box, go figure). And I've been so pissed with the thing, I'm back on my 500 Celeron (XP Box), debating on running XP on the other one, throwing my slide drive bay back into the system, loading what ever other os I want on a seperate hard drive, and trashing the celeron and throwing Linux on it. I only wish I had the time to learn more about Linux... I would rather use it than anything Microsoft.

// feeling // : ...

This is dedicated to that one person who just doesn't seem to fucking get it.

Let's start with a little background information. This guy was a good friend of a number of the people I have in my Daily Visits (in fact, he's in there). Then he finds himself a girlfriend. Girlfriend turns out to be psycho bitch from hell. He remains blind to it, and does her bidding, right down to "never talk to them again" (them being me and the rest of his friends). A number of things happen during that time, like 2 weddings missed, accusations, abandonment etc. Then their relationship goes sour, he comes back, and expects to pick up where he left off. I will admit that I am partially to blame because in my somewhat recent non-confrontive nature, I let him back with the promise he owes me a damned good explaination of the past year.

But, surprise surprise, I have yet to recieve it. What have I recieved? A bunch of sappiness, phone calls only when he needed my help or was bored, and aside from that, it's pretty mcuh the same as it was when he was dating the psycho bitch from hell.

And then I go on my usual trip around the web, reading up on my daily visits, and lo and behold, more sappiness! Where oh where does he manage to get such a reserve on unnecessary self pity? I'm sure that there's sucidal teenagers who are missing out on the depression here.

And what does he cry and whine about? Well, the fact that everyone hates him, what else? Whaaaaaah, my family doesn't call. Whaaaaaah, the girl I want doesn't want me. Whaaaaaaah, my friends don't care about me.

Well, if that's the worst he's gotta complain about, then shoot me, my life must really fucking suck!

However, "Whaaaaaaah, my friends don't care about me" includes me too, I'm on that list. And I just have this sudden urge to go into Valkyrie mode...

And here it goes.

Boohoo, no one cares. Caring is a 2 way street pal. And when it becomes apparant that the only way you care for us is to elevate your self-esteem when you realize that the world isn't going to bow down to your every want and whim, its kinda hard to really care anymore. You want things to be perfect. For us all to come when you call, hold no animosity towards you, and generally be a happy bunch, particularly where you're concerned. It doesn't happen that way. Hell, I wanted friends who wouldn't turn their back on me in times of need. I wanted friends who would actually listen, think I'm important, who want to talk to me for other reasons than boredom or need of my technicial skills. And I have that. From everyone else but you.

And the scary thing is, that before all this shit, you WERE that. You were that and more. You were there when I needed you, when I wanted you. You listened to me complain without turning a deaf ear and getting glossy eyed. You joked with me. You talked to me. We did things. And there was no animosity. You respected the friendship. You valued it. I valued it. And then, it was tossed aside. For what? Tits, ass, and an unfulfilling relationship with a "trophy".

I and everyone else was treated like shit to pave the way for your happiness, regardless of how false it was. And then you come waltzing back and expect the same kind of relationship you had before? Or worse yet, for everyone to be there constantly?

Figure it out, we've been existing rather well for a long time without you. Those you tossed aside did not live in a vaccume for the year and a half you were gone. We remember, and will live just fine the way we are. You want your friends to care? You want your family to call? Put the initative on yourself. Just because you're "back" doesn't mean we're going to rush at you, grateful and estatic like a bunch of school girls at a N'Sync concert. Sorry dear, you ain't that popular. And besides, many of us are still expecting that explaination you promised. That appology. And regardless of weither or not you give it, it probably won't make a huge difference.

This shit takes time. In this world of microwavable dinners, 1 hour photos and car repairs while you wait, there's still one thing that takes time... Rebuilding of trust.

We've given you full fold, another chance. And you're taking it as if we've forgotten everything. We haven't. We never will. We're talking 3 years of friendship flushed. You expect that to just pop right back? It's not going to happen. Hell, it took quite a long time for people to forgive me for what I did, and never once did I expect things to be right and perfect. And you know what, it's because of that whole ordeal that I've waited soooooooo long to say this.

// feeling // : Like shit, in pain, and half frozen from my dentist visit.

Had a dentist appointment this morning. 2 little fillings (that didn't even take 15 minutes to do) and got my front tooth recapped. And, for the record, I'm quite happy that this is over and done with. But, it's not quite over and done with...

You see, half my face is still frozen. From the bottom of the left side of my jaw to my left eye, to my left ear, to my right nostril, my tounge, my neck, my cheek, and most of the left side of my forehead, all of it is numb... And aching.

I don't take freezing very well. For some spots, it takes double the stuff to numb it all (which was the case today) and it makes me feel as though I've been punched repediatly in the area that the freezing is woring on. And, it puts pressure on my jaw hinge (for lack of a better term) which makes my whole mouth sore, which works its way to my neck, which in turn starts to give me a headache. Plus, the moment it starts to wear off even slightly (which was about 2 hours ago), I start to feel nausiated.

So, here I am, bruised, sore, puffy and sick to my stomache. And I'm hungry, considering my appointment was like 30 minutes after I woke up (and I can't do breakfast that soon after I wake up). So I made the softest thing I had in the house - kimchi noodles. They tasted good (on the one side of my mouth that is), and I'm only assuming I ate cause I did put the noodles into my mouth (with my new chopsticks I got from Kirsten for my birthday even), chewed and swallowed, and I'm not wearing them. I couldn't feel them at all. Although I'm not a texture eater (which is why I'm not the least bit fazed by tapioca balls in my bubble tea), you never really appriciate the feel of food in your mouth until you can't.

At least now, when my stomache does backflips, it has some soft noodles to land on. Or toss aside, whichever the case may be. All I wanna do is go to sleep, and sleep off this feeling. And I could, in all likelyhood, sleep it off if it weren't for the fact that I have to go to work soon. And this time I don't want to end up going home half way through the shift, but I have no clue weither or not I can make it.

You see, I have this thing about public bathrooms. If I can avoid them, I will. And if I can't, I hoversquat, flush the toilet with my foot from outside the stall, etc... As for "singing into the porceline microphone", I'd prefer one that I can name the asses that have been on it in the last month. The last thing I want to do is get sick in a public bathroom... again. (Long story, but it involves being a teenager, too many beer, too much pizza, and a 15 mintue walk to McDonalds... and a phone booth.)

And, I'm seriously hoping this front cap is set properly... I don't want to look in the mirror and find it kimchi colored.

And so far, only one vote for domain names... And no takers for space. Time's drawing to a close.

You know what? I just thought of something... If my ear's frozen, do you know how freaky that will feel tonight? I wear headphones all night while listening to CD's (I'm currently half way through Anne Rice's Vampire Chronicles)... The only one-eared headphones I own has a boom mic. And a very very short cord. Oh well...

// feeling // : Tired, but awake all at the same time

Well, I don't know if I'll be running Movable Type like I wanted to... I spent 6 hours teaching myself the intracies of Perl script and CGI and all that wonderful shit, and volia, ended up installing Greymatter instead. Took me 30 minutes to install that one. So, guess what I think I'll be using.

Kisa, monthly it won't be anything. Yearly, well... I'm thinking $15 - $20. I've got the FTP space for 4 other people aside from myself (meaning, different logons), and even if I fill up the 4, I'm still paying the larger portion, mainly because I'll be using the larger portion. I can't promise a shitload of space, but I can promise a secure site. Unless by some freak circumstance people start jumping on this offer, in which case I'll upgrade the thing, can get 9 other's than myself, and have 75MB total space. I've got a few projects I wanna do on this too, won't take a shitload of room though, but probably a little more than everyone else.

I've pretty much decided that I'm getting it. Should have it next week or so. First come/first serve/less come/more room for those who do/woopie.

In other news, no hornets lately (*knocks-on-wood*). Mind you, it could be because of the weather we're having... Snowed last night, and it's really foggy right now. Severely foggy. And icky. I'm not one to usually question the Gods, but don't they know it's supposed to be Spring now? Haven't they ever heard the saying "April showers bring May flowers"? Showers! Showers damnit! Not snow storms! Hell, there's not even a smigin of green outside. Not one single blade of grass has poked its head up. Can't say as I blame it, though.

Eric's sick. Love the guy, but he's the healthiest/sickest person I know. Takes his vitamins, excercises, all that other stuff, and if someone in the south end of town has the sniffles, he gets them. And, I don't know if it's just him being a poop or not, but he calls me up and asks if having hallucinations is a good thing when not taking drugs. (He had a fevor last night, but was decent this morning.) If I find out he's kidding, I'm going to boot his ass! I don't like being scared like that.

And, other than that, remember that toothache I was talking about? Looks like it might be an absess. Quite coincidental, dontcha think? The pain on the Tuesday I got my fillings I know for a fact was the filling itself. But from Thursday onward, I have no clue. Mind you, from people I talked to, that's exactally what it sounds like. My Mom always laughs when I complain about how thin my hair is that she tried to fix that by giving me a Father with thick hair. Now I know that neither of them picked each other for that fact, nor for their wonderful enamel or dental history. I've got teeth like both of my parents, which, combined, kinda leaves me prone to this shit. And I'm wondering that if this is what it is, will my dental coverage foot the bill? Probably not, with my luck.

whatsthisbuttonfor.com
midnightmusings.com
lunarlucidity.com
iwannagohome.com
twistedthinking.com
nobetterdomainname.com (suggested by Aemo)
thegoddesshasspoken.com
bumperstickerphilosophy.org
technicolordreaming.com
digitalmusing.com
valkyrieskies.com
thoughtpuddles.com
shattered-dreams.ca
quscequedoodilywhat.com (long story behind that one, and I don't think I spelled it right)
bigblackhole.com