Chapter 35 – The Body
“Mom, mommy,” Buffy cried as
she fought to be loose of Spike’s grip.
Instead of releasing her, he
went with her as she fell to her knees beside Joyce. Buffy shook her mother and
begged her to wake up.
“Call 911,” Buffy said, turning
to him as sobs wracked her body.
Spike didn’t want to let go
of her but he knew he needed to do something. He couldn’t tell Buffy it
wouldn’t do any good. Her mother had been gone for a long time. There was
nothing alive left within her. He dialed the number and gave them the
appropriate information when asked. They asked if he knew CPR.
“Buffy, Buffy,” Spike said,
turning her face toward him. “Do you know CPR?”
She grabbed the phone from
him as she spoke with the operator. It wouldn’t help but he didn’t want Buffy
to feel like something hadn’t been done. Buffy tried, talking to the operator,
her hands pressing down on her mother’s chest. Spike wiped at his eyes and took
out his cell phone to call Angel on his.
“Hello,” Angel said. “Miss
me already?”
“Ang, it’s Joyce,” Spike
said, his voice breaking. “She’s…”
“I’m on my way,” Angel said.
The sound of tires squealing
could be heard before the phone was clicked off. It was stupid but Spike
wanted…needed Angel to take care of things. He would know what to do. This was
out of Spike’s realm of experience. He wanted to run. Death wasn’t supposed to
make him feel like this. He was supposed to rejoice at the suffering of humans.
The pain was real. His hand covered the spot on his chest where beneath laid
his heart that didn’t beat. Just like Joyce’s.
“Spike, Spike,” Buffy
dropped the phone on the floor and grabbed his hand. “Turn her, please, do
something, Spike, make it better.”
He fell to his knees beside
her. “I can’t, pet. It doesn’t work like that…”
A siren sounded outside and
Spike rushed to let the paramedics in. He couldn’t fight the accusation in
Buffy’s eyes that he had failed her. The men rushed in pushing them aside. Buffy
stepped back as the medics worked on the lifeless body of Joyce. He tried to
comfort her. His hands running along her arms but she was cold. Her body
shaking as she watched the futile effort to revive her mother. He smelled the
fear wafting from his girl. He tried to comfort her, wrapping his arms around
her, but she shook him off.
They listened as the
paramedic explained there was nothing they could do. Joyce was gone. The
coroner’s office would send someone to pick up her body. Buffy nodded and they
left them alone. Buffy grabbed her stomach and Spike tried to get her to the
bathroom, but she couldn’t make it. In the middle of the hallway she lost her
breakfast. Spike pulled her hair up. His hand rubbed circles on her back.
“It’s all right, Luv...,”
Spike said, trying to find a way to comfort her.
“It’s not all right,” Buffy
shouted, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. “It’s never going to be
all right again. My mother is…Oh, god, Spike…”
Buffy was in his arms. The
tears running down her face while her body trembled against his. He stroked her
anywhere he could. Gentle touches meant to let her know how much he loved her.
They both turned when the front door opened. Giles followed by Jenny rushed in.
“Angel called us,” Giles
said, holding his arms out.
Buffy left his arms for the
arms of her Watcher. The only father she had known for four years. It was
heartbreaking to see her so hurt. She had been doing so well in the past week,
so happy, under the attention of the returned Angel and Spike. They had tried
so hard to make things up to her so she would know how sorry they were for
hurting her. It wasn’t fair that she had this to deal with.
Spike stepped around her to
return to the living room. Joyce was still dressed in her nightgown and robe.
She must have died last night after her date. Relaxing with a cup of tea and
then she was gone. She had died alone. A tear fell across Spike’s cheek as he
knelt and with a trembling hand closed Joyce’s eyes. They wouldn’t see anything
again.
“Dawn?” Jenny asked, placing
a hand on Spike’s shoulder. “Does she know?”
“No,” Spike answered,
standing up. “She spent the night with us last night. We’ll have to go and get
her when they’re done here.” He threw his head back as he fought for control.
Later, he promised himself, later there would be time to sort out his own emotions.
“I’m just glad she wasn’t here when it happened.”
“What are we going to do?”
Buffy asked Giles before she broke down into tears again. “Dawn…me.”
Didn’t she know? Didn’t she
understand yet? Spike knew it wasn’t the time or place but he couldn’t help but
be hurt by her question. It was so logical, so given, that Angel and he would
be there. For Buffy and Dawn, it didn’t matter. They were family. Had they hurt
her that much? Did she think they wouldn’t be there? He shook his head in
astonishment because somehow Buffy still wondered who would take care of her.
~~~~~~~~
“What happened, Spike?”
Angel asked, turning in the car seat and watching Buffy approach the school.
He wasn’t asking what
happened to Joyce. He knew that. Giles had explained everything when Angel had
gotten to the house while Spike had hovered around Buffy. His Childe had been
trying so hard to comfort Buffy and himself, but she would have known of that.
It was Buffy he was asking about. She had retreated behind the demon that was
seeking control. Her eyes were the deepest amber he had seen yet. It tore him
to shreds to know that she would hide now. When the pain was from them, because
of them, he could understand her withdrawal. Not now when they needed each
other. She was gone as surely as if she had left them physically.
“I tried to stop them,”
Spike said, tears running down his face. “Told them to wait but Buffy wouldn’t
move and they did it anyway. They put Joyce…the soddin’ bastards put her in
that bag and zipped it up, right in front of Buffy. She just made this noise,
like they do when they know they’re going to die. It was like watching her die
too. She just gave up and went away.”
Angel took Spike’s hand and
pulled him forward until his Childe’s arms were around his neck. He ran fingers
through the soft blonde curls as tears spilled over his own cheeks. There were
sacrifices to be made, that much he knew. Things to give up and they had
thought that they could win. How foolish they had been that day in Giles’
apartment. They had thought that if they tried hard enough that they could beat
fate, but yet fate was taking them out one by one. If Buffy was gone, if she
let the demon take her away from them, then he didn’t think Spike could handle
the loss. Their girl had tamed a demon with love. She held so much power already that there was
no need to seek it elsewhere and she didn’t see.
“Shush, boy,” Angel said,
kissing the forehead trembling with sobs. “She still has a soul. She still has
us. She’ll come back.”
The arms tightened around
him and Angel shifted so his hand could stroke his lover’s back. He knew it was
more. He knew it was Joyce. Buffy’s mother had finally accepted them. The love
of a mother was important to Spike…to William. It was like losing his mother
again. He needed to comfort Buffy so that he could express his own grief. The
others wouldn’t understand his feelings for the human woman that had earned
Spike’s respect and grudging affection.
“Here they come,” Angel
whispered, as he saw Buffy and Dawn exit the building. Buffy’s glasses were
perched on her nose to hide her eyes. She held her body stiffly, almost cold,
to the young girl next to her. Dawn was someone else that was losing Buffy’s
comfort. Her face was contorted with tears as she desperately held her older
sister’s hand.
Spike pulled away to lean in
the corner of the car as he wiped at his face. The car door opened and Dawn
crawled into the back. Angel watched as the youngest Summers’ threw herself
into Spike’s embrace. The two who wanted comfort had found it in each other’s
arms. Spike hugged Dawn to him as she cried her grief to a vampire.
Buffy climbed into the car,
keeping near the door, careful to keep from being drawn into the human emotions
of the others.
“We need to go to the
hospital,” Buffy said. “The doctor was going to do an exam.”
Angel merely nodded and
turned so he could switch the car on. There was nothing else to do but be there
and hope Buffy would come back to them again.
~~~~~~~
Spike fidgeted in his suit.
He swallowed and forced his gaze up. Carefully, he looked over the people
gathered at the graveside. Friends, co-workers, the people whose life Joyce had
passed through were all there. He had never realized how many people had cared
for the woman.
There had been no funeral for
him. He had simply disappeared and the only one who might have cared had been
his mother. A few blinks to keep back the tears and he leaned closer to Dawn
who was standing between him and Buffy. The teenager’s small hand curled into
his and he squeezed it.
Spike glanced up at the
clouds, courtesy of
Everything had changed in
their lives with Joyce’s death. There were so many questions and very few
answers. Hank Summers had been unavailable to them. His company thwarted their
phone calls and protected his location from his daughters who needed him. So,
the trio had moved into
The days of drifting through
life and taking things as they came were over. Spike knew that much. A long
whispered talk with Angel the night before had made Spike realize things he
never had before. A hundred years of roaming were over, living without long
term plans and structure was gone. It had to be if he wanted to continue to
love Buffy. The whole thing had been a lark when it started, and then came the
love that had surprised him, but the relationship, although it was something he
wanted to hold onto, was never for him a life long commitment. Why would it be?
He could live forever and Buffy only a few short decades if she was careful. It
had never been discussed, even though Buffy had said it a few times, that she
would probably die within a few years. Spike had assumed somewhere that when
she did that Angel and he would take off again.
Now, would he be asked to
change, to make permanent plans, to live in a house in a neighborhood? How were
they going to explain their relationship? A threesome was not fit parental
units. Or would he be asked to leave? It tore him apart to even think it but he
knew he would if it had to be done. Angel was the logical choice to stay, marry
Buffy and to raise Dawn. He shuddered under the overwhelming thoughts that ran
through his mind.
The minister was saying the
last words to close out the ceremony. Spike shook his head to pay attention and
to stop the rambling of his mind. A hand rested on his shoulder and he looked
up to catch his Sire’s gaze. Relief flooded through him because his questions
were echoed in those depths. He reached up to cover Angel’s hand with his own
but he had forgotten that he was holding Dawn’s. Her hand was nestled between
the two masculine ones when Buffy looked up, clear eyes in grief for the
moment. Her hand came to join theirs and Spike was reassured that no matter
what the future brought they were in it together. The four of
them.
to be continued…
