Chapter 36 – Enough
The trellis creaked and wobbled
from the weight of the girl climbing down it. She wasn’t being stealthy enough.
The whole house reverberated with the noise of her pitiful attempt at freedom.
Spike shook his head as he waited behind the tree for Dawn to come closer. She
took the final small jump to the ground, looked around quickly and headed
toward the sidewalk which would take her right by him. He waited until she was only
a couple of feet from him before stepping out.
“Where you going, ‘bit?”
She screamed, her hand
clutching at her chest, as she took a step back.
“Haven’t we played this out
before?” Spike asked, blocking her from walking away from him. “I mean only a
month or so ago, wasn’t it?”
“It’s different,” Dawn
declared, looking down at the sidewalk.
“What makes tonight
different?” Spike asked gently. He could see the tears that were silently
making their way down her face. The past few days had changed everything
between them. There wasn’t any hesitation as he reached out to tuck her hair
behind her ear and cup her face. “Where are you going to?”
Dawn looked defiantly up at
him. “I’m going to see Mom. She won’t
let me go by myself and she’s too
busy to take me.” She took a step back from him. “I’m going so don’t try to stop
me.”
Spike could see it though.
The things this girl tried to hide from him. The fear, confusion, loss and the
loneliness she felt. Since the funeral Buffy had become even more militant in
her ways. Never before had he seen anyone as uncaring to the moods and emotions
of the people around them except for Angelus. She didn’t want anyone grieving
even the little one. He and Angel knew Buffy was wrong and had tried to talk to
her but to no avail. Buffy was adamant in her denial and in the hiding of her own
pain. Spike looked up and caught the eye of his Sire staring out the window at
them. He gave a small wave and Angel nodded his understanding. They had both
heard Dawn leaving and Spike was the one who followed.
“Okay, let’s go,” Spike
said, turning to head down the sidewalk.
“You’re going to take me?”
Dawn asked.
“Yeah, unless you’ve got an
objection,” Spike said. “I mean if you’d rather be out here all alone...”
“Buffy will be mad at you
for it.”
“Something new?”
Dawn giggled and ran to
catch up with him. The silence as they walked was companionable. If something
needed to be said between them then it would be. In
times like these it didn’t really matter what was spoken out loud because all
the important things had already been said. Everything else was just to explain
something new that they had discovered. Back when he was human, William, he
often wished he had a sister, a companion, to share his time with. In Dawn he
had finally found it. A soul mate that laughed at the things he did, wept over
the same things and who he could communicate with only a glance between them.
In some ways it was easier with Dawn then it was with Buffy. Being in love and
lust only complicated matters.
“Is she ever going to be
happy?” Dawn asked, as they turned a corner. “I know that things are bad right
now but I can’t really remember her laughing anymore.”
“I can’t either,” Spike
said. His mind went back to Daytona and to the girl they’d talked into coming
back with them. She was all sunshine, laughter and content. Buffy wasn’t her
anymore and hadn’t been in a long time. If they hadn’t been so selfish they
would have seen it was best to leave her there. Not drag her back into the dark
where she was buried in death.
Silence overcame them again
as they made their way through the graves. So, many people dead, some brought
back, but most just withering like Joyce. Spike stood back as he watched Dawn.
The girl fell to her knees by her mother’s spot that was still covered in dirt.
He listened to her murmurs and her tears as she emptied herself of all the
things she wished that she had time to say. It was always like that. He lit a
cigarette and turned away, letting his mind drift over other things, figuring
to give Dawn some privacy. Something tickled his nose. It was the smell of dirt
as it was first overturned. He turned back to see Dawn putting some in a bag.
“What the hell are you
doing?” Spike shouted.
“Nothing,” Dawn yelled,
standing and backing away from him. “I’m not doing anything. You don’t
understand. No one does.”
With that she turned and
ran. He sighed, knowing exactly what Dawn was doing. Now he understood her
desire to hang out at the witches place and the Magic Box. She wanted to try
and bring her mother back. He wasn’t going to let her and neither would Angel.
Buffy didn’t need to know. He followed her home, always keeping her in sight
but not wanting to fight with her on the street. It would be better coming from
him and Angel together. Besides Angel probably knew how to talk to her better
than he could. Always the authoritarian, he had become the father figure in the
house on
Dawn barreled into the house
and into Angel’s arms. He held her sobbing form and led her into the living
room. Spike closed the door behind him, halted for a moment to locate Buffy,
she was upstairs. Apparently oblivious to them as was the case lately. He made
his way into the living room, looking away from the couch that only gave him
reminders of Joyce’s body. Now, Dawn sat on the edge with Angel sitting in
front of her.
“What’s going on, Dawnie?”
Angel asked.
“Nothing is going on,” Dawn
insisted, crossing her arms and leaning back into the couch. She turned her
head away from the two vampires.
“I know what you want to
do,” Spike said, sitting on the couch next to her. “So, why don’t you tell
him?”
“You tell him, ‘Mr. I’m so
important’,” Dawn snarled. “God, I thought you were my friend.”
“I am,” Spike said, shaking
his head. It seemed Buffy wasn’t the only sister who could run hot and cold,
leaving a bloke confused as to where he stood. “It wouldn’t be your mum that
came back.”
There was a moment when
Angel and he glanced at each other. His Sire had figured it out. It wasn’t
really hard. Raising the dead was pretty much what vampires did.
“He’s right. It wouldn’t be
Joyce. It would be her body but it wouldn’t be her inside it.”
“I want my mother back,”
Dawn said, turning infuriated eyes to them. “I can’t stand this. It’s like I’m
the only one who cares. I mean really cares. Buffy doesn’t. She hasn’t even
cried and tonight she’s packing up mom’s clothes. She’s only been gone a few
days and it’s just another chore that she has to do.”
Spike patted Dawn’s hand
before he stood. He left a small one on Angel’s shoulder as he left the room.
Something was different inside of him. It was like the night he had walked away
from the impending fight between Buffy and Angel. It could all be summed up in
one word.
Enough.
Buffy was humming along with
the radio when he stepped into Joyce’s bedroom. There was a pile of clothes on
the bed while Buffy stood in the closet sorting through more things.
“What are you doing, Luv?”
Spike asked, his voice deceptively calm in spite of the storm brewing inside
him.
“I’m cleaning out my mom’s
closet,” Buffy said distractedly. She leaned out holding up a light blue
blouse. “Do you think I should keep this? I might need some business looking
things and this is nice.”
“I think you should leave
everything the hell alone for now.”
Buffy froze. She hung the
blouse back up, letting her fingers drift along the sleeve before she turned to
face him. Amber eyes in a face that may as well have been made of stone.
“These things need to be
done,” Buffy said, shrugging. “If we are going to be moving Dawn in with us…”
“Dawn can’t live in the
mansion, pet, or don’t you get that? What are you going to say to the state?
Excuse me, I’m a slayer, these are my vampire lovers and yes, I do feel that we
are fit parents to raise an ancient key that was stuffed inside a teenager’s
body.”
“And what am I supposed to
do? Just give up?”
“You could bloody well try
talking to us, grieving with us and giving a damn about what’s going on.”
“Someone has to hold
everything together,” Buffy declared, looking down her nose at him. “You and
Angel are so busy playing Daddy that…”
“Is that what’s wrong, pet?
You’re jealous of your little sister and so you’re shutting us all out?”
Spike stepped closer to her
and she backed away. He sighed in his frustration there had to be a way to
reach the girl that he loved. She was in there somewhere.
“I don’t need to be
jealous,” Buffy said, skirting around him so that she had the door to her
advantage now. “You all belong to me.”
“Yes, we do,” Spike said,
moving so fast she didn’t have time to run. He grabbed her by the upper arms
and shook her. “We all belong together. We’re family so why don’t you start
acting like it. Do you know what Dawn wanted to do? She’s feeling so alone and
unloved right now that she was going to try and find a way to bring your mum
back.”
Buffy struggled then gave up
when he didn’t relent. “I’ll talk to her.”
“It’s already taken care of.
Angel is talking to her now.”
They stared at each other.
There was no emotion on her face and he shook her again, hard.
“Are you going to try and
beat me into submission?” Buffy laughed and he let go, shocked by her question.
Was she serious? “I mean the chip is gone so your true side has come out. I
should have expected it.”
“What are you talking
about?” Spike asked, shaking his head as she moved around him again. “My true
side? Do you think that little of me?”
“Isn’t it what I should have
expected? Silly me,” Buffy said, her voice cracking. “I live with two vampires.
I was in so much denial. I thought you two loved me.”
“We do love you,” Spike
said, treading carefully.
“You hurt me,” Buffy cried.
She threw out an ineffective punch toward Spike. He didn’t move. “You hurt me.
I’m tired, and I hurt and I’m so confused. I can barely get up in the morning
because everything is just suffocating me. I trusted you. I never thought out
of the two of you that you would do that to me.”
“What did I do?” Spike
asked. He knew but he also knew she needed to get it all out.
“It was like Riley all over
again but it was worse. The ones I thought were always going to protect me were
the ones hurting me. You held me down when I begged you to stop,” Buffy was
sobbing now and advancing toward him. She hit him and he stood there. “You
didn’t care. You just laughed and kept pushing into me, now I’m all alone.” She
kept hitting him over and over. “I can’t trust you, my mother’s dead and I’m so
scared that I’m going to lose Dawn to either the state or to Glory. Oh, God,
Spike, I can’t do this. It’s too much. It’s too much.”
Buffy collapsed and Spike
grabbed her on the way down. They landed on the floor, and he murmured over and
over how sorry he was as she cried. The door pushed open and Dawn stood there
with Angel behind her.
“Buffy, Buffy,” Dawn called
softly, kneeling on the floor beside the pair. She petted Buffy’s hair that was
buried in Spike’s lap. “You’re not alone. I love you. Please, don’t leave me. I
miss mommy, too.”
“I know, Dawnie, I know,”
Buffy mumbled, sitting up. She reached her arms out to her sister and the two
leaned into Spike’s arms. “I’m sorry. I’ve been so scared. I don’t know how to
act or what to do. I miss her so much. There were so many questions that I
never asked…”
Angel came to sit beside
them and somehow he managed to pull his whole family into his arms. The feeling
from the funeral was reinforced again but this time Spike knew Buffy was with
them more than in words only. She trusted them enough to let them see her hurt
and pain. She released all the negative emotions within her that had made her
hold onto the demon. He could feel the three of them connecting as they all
cried together. This time there was the added energy of Dawn and something else
he didn’t understand.
All he knew was that it was
time to move forward. It was time to put Glory out of their misery and get busy
planning the future.
to be continued…
