The three lovers wrapped their hands around the chain and pulled. It didn’t
give. Not even a little and satisfied they dropped it and proceeded to repeat
the process with the other three. All were secure and when they had finished
the testing, Angel gave the all clear to Giles.
It was time to anchor Angel’s soul. Besides his mates and Giles, the basement of the mansion also held Xander, Jenny, Willow and Tara. With two powerful witches and a gypsy techno pagan, they had more than luck on their side. They had gone over every aspect of the spells and were confident that nothing would go wrong. The only drawback was that they had to let Angelus loose momentarily, facilitating the need for chains.
Spike hated the thought of seeing his Sire in his unsouled state and didn’t want Buffy to see it either. So, why were they here? He shook his head. He knew why; it was to show that their love was stronger than anything, even Angelus. He knew what they were in for but Buffy and the others had no clue. Not even Giles, whose extensive studies included texts on Angelus’ deeds, could understand the extent of the cruelty of this particular demon.
Spike watched as Angel walked over to them and enfolded Buffy into his arms.
“I love you, Buffy,” Angel whispered. “Remember that I always love you.”
She nodded and tears filled her eyes as they kissed and Spike’s guts twisted. Buffy had this little cry face that could break Satan himself and he molded himself to her back to comfort her. Buffy sighed as she was wrapped in her favorite embrace between them. She had once told them that this was the only place she could completely relax because they were protecting her. And for a Slayer that was a big deal.
A hand tangled in his hair and Spike met his Sire’s gaze. Fear simmered in those brown depths along with so much love and hope. To be able to love freely was worth the risks they were taking or so they had decided. But now as the moment neared Spike was terrified that something would go wrong and they would lose Angel forever. He took his turn to receive kisses and assurances of love before Xander and Giles fastened the shackles around Angel’s wrists and ankles.
“I’ve changed my mind,” Angel said, as the last shackle closed over his ankle. “I don’t want the two of you here. Go. Please.”
“No,” Buffy said, her voice stronger than her fragile emotions. “We’re not going to leave you to face this alone. You’re not Angelus.”
Spike met Angel’s eyes and saw something he never thought he would. Shame. Angel knew how cruel his demon could be and he wanted to spare them that. It was that protection that made him decide to stay. Angel should know they loved him enough to go through hell for him.
“We’re staying,” Spike said. “We love you and we are going to be here for you.”
Relief flooded his Sire’s face. Angel did need his mates with him and Buffy darted over to kiss him one last time before returning to the security of Spike’s arms.
“Ready?” Giles asked.
The three mates nodded as they watched the others prepare for the first spell to be cast. Candles were lit and incense burned as the witches formed a circle. Jenny was to cast the first spell freeing Angelus and as she began to chant, Buffy clutched Spike’s hand in a tight grip. He stepped closer to her and she leaned into him.
“Free the soul,” Jenny chanted and a gust of wind rushed through the room extinguishing the candles and casting them into shadows.
A shiver ran though Spike at the soft chuckle coming from his Sire. It was devoid of any warmth and love and he knew without any hesitation that Angelus was with them.
“Hello, boy,” Angelus said, leaning toward them. “It’s been a long time, hasn’t it?”
“Too bad we won’t have much time to visit,” Spike said, trying to be braver than he was. “Soon, you’ll be all locked away where you should be.”
“Oh, I’m always here, watching and laughing. Watching you cling to him, ‘Oh fuck me Angel. I looove you.’ It’s really quite pitiful how much of William you still are. What a waste of a cock.”
“He doesn’t seem to mind it,” Spike retorted, wishing they would hurry up.
“He lies. Has to think of other things to cum,” Angelus taunted. “Buffy knows how unsatisfying you can be and you were her first so she has no room for comparison. But she’ll know now just like Drusilla did. Won’t you, sweet thing?”
“You don’t know anything,” Buffy replied, wrapping her arms around Spike.
Spike kissed her temple as he let her burrow into him. She was trembling as she got another taste of pure evil. He would never admit it but he appreciated her holding onto him. Spike wanted to get away from this nightmare from his past.
“Oh, I know more than you ever will,” Angelus said, leaning forward onto his chains. “Look at you, clinging to the thing that you are supposed to destroy. Must be such a disappointment to your Watcher.” He snapped his fingers. “That’s right. You’re Watcher isn’t much of a Watcher is he? Taking away your power, leaving you helpless and letting them hurt your mum. You’re just lucky I wasn’t around that day because you wouldn’t have had a cherry left for Spike.”
“Leave her alone,” Spike shouted.
“Don’t antagonize him,” Giles cautioned. “It’s what he wants you to do.”
The scent of candles and incense burning saturated the air as Willow prepared to return the soul and anchor it permanently. They all watched the preparations for a moment before Angelus returned to his games.
“I thought that was the idea of this,” Angelus said, “so that I could have a ride on that little thing. Finally going to find out what a real fuck is, aren’t you?”
“You’re not going to know anything,” Buffy declared, wrapping her hand in Spike’s shirt. “It’s for Angel not you.”
“Do you really think that Angel is going to put up with you?” Angel sneered. “You think that you’re a woman because you part those milky thighs but you really have no idea how to satisfy a man,” Angelus said, letting his eyes rove over her slowly. He met her gaze and licked his lips. “He’s not going to put up with your whining protests of purity.” His voice rose to a falsetto. “Oh, we can’t do that. It’s wrong and only bad girls get fucked in the ass. When we’re done you’re not going to be able to move from what we plan on doing to every orifice on that luscious little body of yours.”
Angelus strained against the chains making Buffy jump and Spike wrapped his arms around her. They stepped back and Spike glanced over to Willow. The Wicca’s eyes had turned black as she chanted. The Latin flowed from her mouth as if she spoke it everyday. The orb of Thessulah glowed brightly as the air became charged with electricity. Spike turned back to Angelus and smirked knowing he was going to be gone soon.
“So, long, Angelus, hope you have fun watching everything that you can’t participate in.”
“You fools,” Angelus said. “You’re not getting rid of me. The spell you cast is only going to make us one.” He screamed and slumped forward.
Willow collapsed. And the spell was done.
“Is it true, Jenny?” Spike asked, furious that they hadn’t been told that. “Are we going to have a part of Angelus back?”
"No one knows for sure," Jenny replied hesitantly. "No one has ever anchored a soul before but I doubt it. All we did was take out the clause so why would he be any different from before."
"Spike," Giles offered. "Angelus knew he was being forced aside again by the soul. He was only trying to upset you."
Angel moaned and everyone turned toward him. He raised his head and shook it for a moment. His gaze was dazed as he looked at them and Spike took a step toward him. Buffy wrapped her fingers in his belt and followed him over.
"Angel?" Spike asked, letting his fingers drift over his Sire’s face.
"Yeah," Angel answered, smiling first at Spike then to Buffy. "I have a headache." He laughed softly. "It's me. And I don't think I brought any part of him with me."
There was only way to know for sure and Spike cupped his face staring into the brown eyes holding so much love before pressing his lips to Angel's. There was only tenderness in the answering touch and Spike deepened the kiss knowing that Angelus never would let love into this. He pushed his Sire back into the wall to control the kiss, to see how far he could push Angel but he only let Spike have his way. And Spike breathed a sigh of relief when it ended. Angelus was gone.
"It's Angel," Spike announced happily.
The shackles were undone and Angel was freed to welcoming arms. Hugs were given generously and it took a moment for Spike to realize that Buffy wasn’t rejoicing with the rest of them. Although she was standing between the two vampires and her face held a smile it wasn’t reaching her eyes. Spike brushed his fingers along her arm to catch her attention and she brightened her smile before looking at him.
“You okay?” Spike asked, leaning to whisper in her ear.
She nodded and wrapped her hands, first in Angel’s and then in his, squeezing them. The party cleaned up the magic supplies and packed everything up, giving the threesome a chance to be alone.
The pale January sun hung high in the sky bringing warmth to Buffy and reminding her that there was life beyond her small world of existence. After meeting Angelus, the darkest part of her first love, she had been chilled to her very soul and even a snow flake might have given her heat. His words, especially the constant use of ‘we’, had made her question how far apart Angelus and Angel actually were. Were they really two beings or did the soul only reign in the evil that existed inside of him? Logic and emotions warred within her and in the basement of their home emotions had been winning. Emotions that Spike had noticed and would have caused further damage to the fragile position the three were trying to balance. Buffy had walked her friends outside to give her time without her mates to control those feelings and let what she believed to be the truth to reassert itself.
Giles closed the trunk of his car and turned to her.
“Buffy, please, remember that you are not obligated to do anything…” Giles started.
“I am obligated,” Buffy interrupted gently. “They are my mates and I made a commitment to love them no matter what.” She drew her Watcher into a quick hug. “Thank you for the concern. I’ll be all right.”
Willow hugged her next with the same apprehension on her face.
“Me, being your best friend and all,” Willow said, “I’m going to repeat what Giles said. I know you love them and they love you but that doesn’t mean you have to make yourself unhappy for them. Those were some pretty harsh things he said and after…well, after the whole Riley thing, it’s understandable that you would be upset.”
“Its fine, Willow,” Buffy said, hugging her friend tighter. “They were only words; words that my Angel never would have said to me and I need to remember that.”
Reluctantly her friends finished saying their goodbyes and Buffy watched them drive away. When the car was no longer visible she turned her face to the sun. The paleness of that star warming the earth from so far away reminded her of the brilliant heat of her vampire’s love for her and each other. Even when Angel was in Los Angeles she could feel his love like a cloak around her. She knew without a doubt that no other could ever own her heart except the two of them. Anyone else would be a poor substitute and Buffy turned to look back at the mansion. Her life was through those doors but she couldn’t make her feet return just yet.
A blast of wind whipped around Buffy and her hair blew haphazardly around her face. Buffy was aware of the differences between her and the two vampires; the seeming immaturity of her barely nineteen years to the maturity and life experience of over three centuries of her mates was hard. Their experiences and choices sometimes left her feeling like a foolish child but she knew they tried as did she. But she wondered if she would have the time to do all the growing up she needed to do when she couldn’t really count on a future beyond the next battle. And every once in a while when she wasn’t expecting it, the resentment would creep in that they could live forever while she would be lucky if she reached twenty. Their decision to love each other was difficult in the best of circumstances and the changes they were going through was bringing the differences into clearer focus instead of just being a mild irritant making them all more emotional in their responses.
A renegade tear wound its way down her cheek and she furiously wiped it away. She fought through her doubts and found the strength of her heart. The strength that got her though each fight and allowed her to love those two in the first place. She knew she was luckier than any other Slayer had ever been by having found love at all. The sacrifices they were all making were going to be worth it in the end. With a sigh she turned back to the house because they were all feeling the hurt and isolation and by her distancing herself from them, it was only going to make the rift wider. She swore that somehow she wouldn’t let Angelus win by letting him take away their happiness. Not today; a day that all three of them had been looking forward to.
Buffy followed their voices into the kitchen and pasting a huge smile on her face she walked in. Angel was standing at the counter with his back to her. He was chopping vegetables while Spike was sitting at the table. Her attempt at being happy was met by Angel ignoring her presence and Spike throwing deadly glances her way. Her lack of enthusiasm at the releasing of Angel and her absence since then had obviously made her mates feel rejected. Buffy hopped up onto the counter next to Angel and snitched a mushroom which she promptly popped into her mouth. Her returning fingers were met with the playful waving of a knife.
“Hey,” Buffy teased, “Violence not needed.”
“That is your opinion,” Angel said, the brown eyes flashed a hurt he couldn’t hide.
“So, whatcha doin?” Buffy asked, deciding to change the subject to something less volatile. She was going to be pleasant and get them back on an even keel. She just needed to be rational girl and the sweetie they both loved.
“Spike said you hadn’t eaten yet today. Thought I’d make you an omelet.”
“Putting poison in it?” Buffy asked, reaching over and helping herself to some grated cheese. Okay that wasn’t exactly a rational or sweet response but something that flew off of her tongue. It was all right though because it had coaxed a half-hearted smile from him.
“I told him that he should make it slow and torturous,” Spike said, coming to stand beside Buffy with a crooked smile. “Poison wouldn’t be much fun.”
Although they were reacting with humor Buffy knew it was time to talk to them. The air needed to be cleared before they even attempted to test the anchored soul. Buffy looped an arm around Spike’s shoulders pulling him closer to her side and she cupped Angel’s face so that he was facing her.
“I needed a few minutes to myself,” Buffy said. “I was upset and wanted to calm down before I was around either of you. I didn’t want to hurt you by emotionally reacting but I guess I did anyway. Believe me it wasn’t my intention.”
“So, you went the one place we can’t go,” Angel said. “The one place guaranteed to shut us out.”
Buffy withdrew her hands into her lap and studied them for a second. The way Angel had said it was like she was rejecting them completely and not just taking a few minutes to herself. She told herself to stay calm but her emotions were already threatening to flow over the small wall that she had dammed them behind.
“Am I not supposed to go into the sun?” Buffy asked, looking from one to the other. “I’m sorry that I’m still alive and like the daytime. California girl here, raised on sunshine.”
“That’s not the point, pet,” Spike said, clasping her hands. “It was supposed to be a victory for us. A time to celebrate and be together and it appeared that you didn’t even want to be with us.”
Angel turned to the stove and poured the eggs in. Buffy watched the precision of his movements as he cooked for her. It was in everything he did. Careful thought. Rarely did his emotions rule him and she knew why now. With all of that hiding within him, he had to be terrified that one wrong move would bring it out. But that was something to be put in the past. With the soul anchored, Angel was free to be whoever he really was and to experience any emotion. Angry, hurt, loving, etc., and that wall he lived behind could be knocked down for good. Only it was going to take some time, so she was back to being rational girl.
“I do want to be with both of you,” Buffy explained, “Hence the sitting here with you now.”
The omelet was slid onto a plate which Angel put onto the table.
“Come eat, Buffy,” Angel said, going to the refrigerator to take out the decanter of blood for them and juice for her.
No one spoke as Buffy and Spike sat at the table and Angel finished his task of heating blood for Spike and himself and pouring a glass of juice for Buffy. Buffy wasn’t sure if it was just being the upset with her or just tension that was driving them all to the edge. The air crackled with electricity and one spark would send them all up in flames. She began to eat, trying to figure out to fix it when she felt his stare. Those blue eyes were boring into her soul and she saw the fear in them. Already it was about her and Angel and Spike was feeling that he was on the outside. Her gaze fell to their mate as he sat across from her.
“Thank you, Angel,” Buffy said. “It’s delicious and I was starving.”
“You’re welcome.”
The silence returned while she ate, Angel drank his blood and Spike fiddled with a loose thread on a napkin. Kicking her shoe off, Buffy ran her toes up inside his pant leg and almost giggled when he turned startled eyes to her. The smile was enough but now Angel looked confused and hurt. It was going to one from the other in a mad merry-go-round of insecurity. Buffy took the last bite of her food and looked up at them.
“The tension in this room is stifling,” Buffy said, holding her hands up so they would let her continue. “And I think we are all nervous about the same thing. Are we all still going to love each now that the rules have changed? Does everybody still want everybody else? I do on both counts. I don’t know what’s going to happen when we all do get into bed together again but there’s only one way to find out.”
They both had stunned expression on their faces. And if she had to be honest, Buffy’s was fighting off massive butterflies that had taken up residence in her stomach. But she decided like she had the night she had lost her virginity that her mates were worth taking chances on. They had taken care of her before and since, so why would now be any different? It was best to just take the chance and sort everything out later. It was the way they had made all the major decisions in this relationship because there was no logic in their partnership. With a quavering smile, Buffy stood, kicked off her other shoe, undid the fastenings on her skirt and let it pool on the floor. On the way to the door, her sweater was pulled over her head and flung to the side. Hoping she wasn’t making a fool of herself, she turned with one hand resting on the door frame and the other on her hip. She gave them a second to take in the pink teddy she was wearing before issuing the invitation.
“I say we just hit the sack and let nature takes its course,” Buffy said in a breathy whisper, trying to imitate a movie actress Spike had once told her he thought was sexy and she had been practicing the husky voice until she found the right time to use it. She batted her eyes and slowly turned to saunter to the bedroom.
It took only a second before she heard a chair hit the kitchen floor and two sets of footsteps running to catch up with her. Yep, sink or swim they were going to do it together.
