THE OLD PHILOSOPHER SEZ,

How do you know if you'll getting old.
Here are a few hints that it might be later
than you think.

1. You and your teeth don't sleep together.

2. You try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks,
   and discover you aren't wearing socks.

3. It takes two tries to get up from the couch.

4. When happy hour is a nap.

5. Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.

6. Your address book has mostly names that start 
    with Dr.

7. Getting "lucky" means you found your car in 
    the parking lot.

8. It takes twice as long - to look half as good.

9. When your idea of a night out is sitting on the 
    patio.

10. When you're on vacation and your energy runs 
      out before your money  does.

11. It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.

12. The pharmacist has become your new best friend.

13. When your wife or girl friend says "Lets go upstairs 
      and make love" and you answer "Honey, I can't 
     do both."

14. You see your sexy neighbor in a bikini and your 
       pace maker opens the garage door.

15. When going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out 
      of your face.

16. An 'all nighter' means not getting up to pee.

As the years add up I've found a few simple truths 
about ageing. As you grow older I'm sure you'll agree.

1. Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.

2. You feel like the morning after, and you haven't 
     been anywhere.

3. Your children begin to look middle-aged.

4. You turn out the light for economic rather than 
    romantic reasons.

5. You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.

6. Your back goes out more than you do.

7. A fortune teller offers to read your face.

8. You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.

9. The best part of the day is over when your alarm 
     clock goes off.

10. You finally reach the top of the ladder, and find it 
       leaning against the wrong wall.

But not all is lost for there are some benefits in getting 
on in years. Such as:

1. It's harder and harder for sexual harassment charges
    to stick.

2. There's nothing left to learn the hard way.

3. You have a party and the neighbors don't even 
    realize it.

4. Your eyes won't get much worse

5. Your investment in health insurance is finally
     beginning to pay off.

6. Your secrets are safe with your friends because 
     they can't remember them either.

7. Things you buy now won't wear out.