THE OLD PHILOSOPHER SEZ,

If you're a fan of Jeff Foxworthy you might 
enjoy these.

YOU KNOW YOU'RE A REDNECK IF........

1. If you have a complete set of salad bowls and 
    they all say Cool Whip on the side.

2. If your working TV sits on top of your non-
    working TV.

3. If you thought the Uni-bomber was a wrestler.

4. If you've ever used your ironing board as a 
    buffet table.

5. If you think a quarter horse is that ride in front 
    of K-Mart.

6. If your neighbors think you're a detective 
    because a cop always brings you home.

7. If a tornado hits your neighborhood and 
    does a $100,000 worth of improvement.

8. If you've ever used a toilet brush as a back 
    scratchier.

9. If you've ever asked the preacher
    "Hows it hangin."

10. If you missed 5th grade graduation because 
      you had jury duty.

11. If you think fast food is hitting a deer at 65mph.

12.If you've ever stared at a can of orange juice 
     because if said concentrate.

13. If the payments on yer pickup truck are more 
      than that of your mobile home.

Now A little Redneck humor.

Did you hear about the redneck who passed away 
and left his entire estate in trust for his beloved 
widow? She can't touch it till she's fourteen.

How do you know when you are in a redneck hotel?
When you call the front desk and say "I've gotta leak 
in my sink and"...the front desk says "go ahead".

How can you tell if a redneck is married? There's 
dried chewing tobacco on both sides of his pickup truck.

Did you hear that they raised the minimum drinking age 
to 32 in some southern states? Seems that they wanted 
to keep alcohol out of the high schools.

How many rednecks does it take to eat a 'possum'?
Two. One to eat, and one to watch out for traffic.

Why did God invent armadillos? So that rednecks can 
have 'possum on the half shell'.

How do you know that the toothbrush was invented by 
a redneck? If it had been invented by anyone else it 
would have been called a teethbrush.

Did ya hear that the governor's mansion in Little Rock 
burned down. Yep, pert' near took out the whole trailer 
park.

Did you hear about the redneck who was stopped by 
the state patrol and when asked "Got any I.D." he 
said "bout what"

Quite a few southern states have recently passed 
a new divorce law. When a couple gets a divorce 
they are still brother and sister.

What do you get when you have 32 rednecks in 
the same room? A full set of teeth.