THE OLD PHILOSOPHER SEZ,

As I travel some of the more boring stretches 
of pavement, such as I:70 across Kansas, I 
find myself contemplating some of the 
more deeper questions facing mankind. Such as:

1. DO YOU THINK HOUDINI EVER LOCKED HIS 
    KEYS IN HIS CAR?

2. CAN AN ATHEISTS GET INSURANCE FOR ACTS 
    OF GOD?

3. IF PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT, AND NOBODY'S 
    PERFECT, WHY PRACTICE?

4. WHY IS THE THIRD HAND ON THE WATCH CALLED 
    THE SECOND HAND?

5. WHY DO WE SAY SOMETHING IS OUT OF WHACK? 
    WHAT IS WHACK?

6. WHY DO TUG BOATS PUSH THEIR BARGES?

7. IF LOVE IS BLIND, WHY IS LINGERIE SO POPULAR?

8. WHY IS BRA SINGULAR AND PANTIES PLURAL

9. WHAT HAIR COLOR DO THEY PUT ON DRIVER'S 
     LICENSES OF BALD MEN?

10. WHY DOESN'T GLUE STICK TO THE INSIDE 
       OF THE BOTTLE?

11.WHERE ARE PREPARATIONS A THROUGH G?

12.WHY DID KAMIKAZE PILOTS WEAR HELMETS?

13.WHY DO THEY STERILIZE NEEDLES FOR LETHAL 
     INJECTIONS?

14.WHY DOESN'T TARZAN HAVE A BEARD?

15. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 
      "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and 
    drink whatever comes out?"

16. Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken 
      there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes
      outta it's ass."

17. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns 
      the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human 
      being would eat?

18. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the 
      freezer?

19. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is 
    there a song about him?

20. Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the car 
       pool lane?

21. If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio 
      out of coconuts why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

22. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for 
      the time, but don't point to their ass when they ask 
      where the bathroom is?

23. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains 
      on all fours? They're both dogs!

24. What do you call male ballerinas?

25. Can blind people see their dreams? Do they 
      dream??

26. If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all 
      that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

27. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

28. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable 
      oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby 
      oil made from?

29. If electricity comes from electrons, does 
      morality come from morons?

30. Is Disney World the only people trap operated 
      by a mouse?

31. Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle 
      Little Star have the same tune? 
     Stop singing and read on . . . . . . . . . . .

32. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet 
      Soup?

33. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's 
      face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on 
      a car ride, he sticks his head out the window? 

34. Does pushing the elevator button more than once 
      make it arrive faster?

35. Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside 
      the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's 
      in your ass?