THE OLD PHILOSOPHER SEZ,

I'm always on the lookout for those catchy little 
quotes made by the famous and the not so famous.
Here's some of my favorites:

1. Steve Martin told an audience that "I believe that 
    sex is one of most beautiful, natural, wholesome
    things that money can buy."

2. "You know 'that look women get' when they want 
    sex? ....me neither."
    Drew Carey

3. "Sex without love is a meaningless experience,
     but as meaningless experiences go, it's pretty 
     damned good."
   Woody Allen

4. "If it weren't for pickpockets I'd have no sex 
    life at all."
   Rodney Dangerfield

5. "Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances
     for a date on Saturday night."
    Woody Allen

6. "I can remember when the air was clean and sex 
    was dirty."
   George Burns

7. "It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention
     of getting married." (no it wasn't Bill Clinton)

8. "Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing 
    it too fast."
   Woody Allen

9. "Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. 
    The other eight are unimportant."
   Henry Miller

10. "There are a number of mechanical devices 
       which increase sexual arousal, particularly in 
       women. Chief among these  is the Mercedes-Benz 
       380SL convertible."
        P.J.ORourke

11. "Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with 
      a rope."
     George Burns

12.From the mind of Rodney Dangerfield;
"I was so poor growing up...if I wasn't a boy...I'd
have had nothing to play with."

13.Will Rogers was famous for his down home quotes,
     such as
"DON'T SQUAT WITH YOUR SPURS ON"

"IF YOU FIND YOURSELF IN A HOLE, THE FIRST THING
 TO DO IS STOP DIGGIN'"

"NEVER SLAP A MAN WHO'S CHEWIN' TOBACCO."

"ALWAYS DRINK UPSTREAM FROM THE HERD"

"THERE'S TWO THEORIES TO ARGUIN' WITH A WOMAN. 
NEITHER ONE WORKS.

"WE ARE BORN NAKED, WET, AND HUNGRY. THEN 
THINGS GET WORSE."

14.Robin Williams has a knack for hitting it right on.
"DIVORCE...FROM THE LATIN WORD MEANING TO RIP 
OUT A MAN'S GENITALS THROUGH HIS WALLET."

"SEE, THE PROBLEM IS THAT GOD GIVES MEN A 
BRAIN AND A PENIS, AND ONLY ENOUGH BLOOD TO 
RUN ONE AT A TIME."

15.Johnny Carson on Elvis.
"IF LIFE WAS FAIR, ELVIS WOULD BE ALIVE AND ALL
THE IMPERSONATORS WOULD BE DEAD."

16.You had to know this came from Roseanne:
"WOMEN COMPLAIN ABOUT PREMENSTRUAL SYNDROME, 
BUT I THINK OF IT AS THE ONLY TIME OF THE MONTH 
THAT I CAN BE MYSELF.

17.A smart man, Lewis Grizzard says:
"INSTEAD OF GETTING MARRIED AGAIN, I'M GOING TO 
FIND A WOMAN I DON'T LIKE AND GIVE HER A HOUSE.

18.Jay Leno says there is a new medical problem:
"DOCTORS ARE REPORTING THAT MANY MEN ARE 
HAVING ALLERGIC REACTIONS TO LATEX CONDOMS. 
THEY SAY THEY CAUSE SEVERE SWELING. SO WHAT'S 
THE PROBLEM?"