Drink this! Recent studies indicate that drinking one glass of orange juice every day can help fight against colon cancer and teen pregnancy. Lord knows we don't want that. ___ Local News ___ New Year's Tragedy The new year began on a dismal note for the people of Montclair, Virginia, as the community was rampaged by a small... READ ON ____ Featured Websites ____ • An Obsession Gone Too Far... (The greatest photo website that ever was or ever will be) • The Davis MIHOP Experience (Visit the world's first official MIHOP website) • IHOP (The official IHOP website) • The Kudla MIHOP Experience (Arguably the world's leader in MIHOP news & events ___  Join MIHOP Today  ___ MIHOP WINS!

By Harry Areola
MIHOP Daily News Staff Writer
Friday, January 30, 2003

(Harrisonburg, VA) Polls out recently revealed Matt Kudla, President of MIHOPJMU, as the leader in the “MIHOP Clothes Poll.” When reached for comment, President Kudla proclaimed, “This is a great day for ME…ummm…I mean JMU!” Mr. Kudla was the only JMU Chapter member to participate in the poll.

Next in line came Matthew “Deathball Squad Captain” Davis and Evan “Masturbation is Fun” McMahan. “This competition isn’t over yet; the margin for victory is paper thin.” Matt Davis also brought up a controversial point, “Does anyone else see the conflict of interest here? It is Mr. Kudla’s website and he’s winning.” It is not yet known how Davis’ belligerent stance will affect his position in the polls. McMahan’s response to questioning was, “No, Geoff, I didn’t go to Waffle House again. Ask your questions later, I really REALLY need to masturbate!”

In last place, Ambassador to the Belgian Waffles, Donald Brownlee; Brownlee has attained a mere 4 votes. “I don’t get it,” Brownlee said, “I thought people liked me.” Obviously not, Donald, obviously not.

“I’m ashamed to be his sister,” Shirt Design Chair Anna Brownlee said, “This is worse than that time when Mom was cleaning his room and found a large assortment of dildos and butt plugs under his bed.”

Reasons for Brownlee’s piss-poor performance in the polls have been the center of much speculation. “Donald’s problem is that he is repressing his homosexual tendencies and people have noticed. People don’t like fakes, they like in-your-face homo…honesty. I believe that I am the only one to make Donald honest…then I’ll come on his chest!” said publicity strategist Evan Ayars.

More recent events have shown that Evan McMahan, former loveable Eagle Scout and all around upright citizen, has stuffed the ballot e-box, giving McMahan a staggering lead. “MIHOPUAC is already investigating this incident,” Chief Asshole Hulsey stated, “We want to make sure that Evan is found guilty, even if he is innocent. Screw the innocent!” McMahan was unavailable for comment.

Unease and struggle seems to have best MIHOP. Will this cause an irreversible rip in relations between MIHOPUVA and MIHOPJMU? Probably not. Fellow MIHOP member Kay Floyd made her position known: “I would like the try anal sex…with a BLACK man.”