life & people

LIFE

“It’s trial and error but you’re going to have to learn to eat your mistakes.” –My mother, on cooking

“Most food cannot be kept longer than the average life span of a hamster. Keep a hamster in your refrigerator to gauge this.” –general rule of thumb

“Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.” –general rule of thumb

“Ignorance is a voluntary misfortune.” –overheard in a barber shop

“What he doesn’t realize is that when he goes to sleep he’s gonna have to close his eyes.” –overheard on a bus

“Allah gives and forgives. Man gets and forgets.” –bumper sticker

“A lesson for the new millennium -What I said, what you heard and what I meant are all different!” –from a New Years 2000 party favor

“No one can beat me!” –overheard at night

“I do not know and cannot find out.” –Webster’s definition of ‘God knows’

“What does it all mean?” –written on a desk in Morris Library

“What’s so civil about engineering anyway?” –written on a desk in Morris Library

“My lungs need a bag of trees!” –overheard in a park

“...It’s New York right? Motherfucker ain’t got no heart.” –observer, after watching a bus driver ignore and leave behind a woman arriving seconds too late to the bus stop

“It’s like, you speak 3 languages you’re trilingual. You speak 2 languages, you’re bilingual. You speak 1 language you’re American.” –overheard

“Celebrate your identity by resisting categorization.” –fortune cookie

“Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth - The BIBLE” –from the Wu dictionary

“Positive Energy, Always Corrects Errors - PEACE” –from the Wu dictionary

“Every tool is a weapon if you hold it right.” –t-shirt

“I ♥ animals. They taste delicious.” –bumper sticker

“The esoteric art buffs are here. The ubiquitous esoteric art buffs.” –overheard at a pottery sale

“Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” –Hebrews 11:1

“Sometimes I think they should get the parents in here to see how their kids really are.” –UD maintenance staff, overheard

“Fat People are Harder to Kidnap” –bumper sticker

“We who are truly brave will never live in fear.” –The Rock’s t-shirt

“suck me, shuck me, eat me raw” –written on oyster bar ashtray

“What’s so great about yoga? Oooh, I’m flexible.” –overheard

“All that working for free is overrated.” –Morris Library Staff member, overheard

“Don’t miss a day of your life. Find ways to make each day matter – to you, to another, to the world. Develop, listen to, nurture, and trust your instincts. You will compete in life, but life is not a competition – it is a gift to be shared. You are enough as an individual person. You’ll meet many special people in life. There may be one special person, there may not be. There are happy endings in life, but not always, and some are easier to understand than others…” –from Classic Elegance greeting card

“Our only animosity toward Christianity, or toward any other religion or philosophy-of-life, is to the extent that its institutions have claimed to be “the one true right and only way” and have sought to deny freedom to others and suppress other ways of religious practice and belief.” –10^th Principle of Wiccan Belief, as set forth by the American Council of Witches

PEOPLE

“I realized the ass crack is the new cleavage.” –John Stamos, actor

“Anywhere is walking distance, if you've got the time.” –Steven Wright, comedian

“Whether we bring our enemies to justice or bring justice to our enemies, justice will be done.” –George W. Bush, president

“The only real mistake is the one from which we learn nothing.” –John Enoch Powell, politician

“A winner doesn’t concentrate on beating his opponent; he concentrates on performing to the limit of his potential... A winner doesn’t just hope to win; he knows he will win.” –Larry Bird, basketball player

“Courage is not the absence or fear, it is the resistance to it.” –Mark Twain, author

“My coach used to say, ‘It’s good to build your strengths, but it’s better to perfect your weaknesses.’” –Michael Jordan, basketball player

“Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.” –Ambrose Bierce, satirist

“These girls say, ‘Well, I should be able to get drunk at a fraternity party and go upstairs to a guy’s room without anything happening.’ And I say, ‘Oh, really? And when you drive to NYC do you leave your keys on the hood?’ My point is that if your car is stolen after you do something like that, yes, the police should pursue the thief and he should be punished. But at the same time the police – and I – have the right to say to you, ‘You stupid idiot, what the hell were you thinking?’ ” –Camile Paglia, author and columnist

“Judge a man by his questions, not by his answers.” –Voltaire, author and philosopher

“Language becomes ugly and inaccurate because our thoughts are foolish, but the slovenliness of our language makes it easier for us to have foolish thoughts.” –George Orwell, author

“To fall in love is easy, even to remain in it is not difficult; our human loneliness is cause enough. But it is a hard quest worth making to find a comrade through whose steady presence one becomes steadily the person one desires to be.” –Anna Louise Strong, journalist and political radical

“Worry a little bit every day and in a lifetime you will lose a couple of years. If something is wrong, fix it if you can. But train yourself not to worry. Worry never fixes anything.” –Mary Hemingway, author

“I always remember an epitaph which is in the cemetery at Tombstone, Arizona. It says: ‘Here lies Jack Williams. He done his damnedest.’ I think that is the greatest epitaph a man can have - When he gives everything that is in him to do the job he has before him. That is all you can ask of him and that is what I have tried to do.” –Harry S. Truman, president

“The more I study religions the more I am convinced that man never worshipped anything but himself.” –Sir Richard F. Burton, writer and scholar

“Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power. We have guided missiles and misguided men.” –Martin Luther King, Jr., from ‘Strength to Love’

“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.” –Martin Luther King, Jr., from ‘Ibid’

“The universe is not required to be in perfect harmony with human ambition.” –Carl Sagan, author

“What we should have fought for was representation without taxation.”

–Sam Levenson, ‘You Don't Have to Be in 'Who's Who' to Know What's What’

“They say life is short. No, it’s not. Life is long. Life is excruciatingly long if you make bad decisions and do things you don’t want to do.” –Chris Rock, from Playboy interview

Playboy: “How do you feel about white people?”

Rock: “I look at the individual. I probably could hate white people as a group, because when I went to school white kids would get together and beat the shit out of me. I’m still a little scared when I see whites in a group, but I’ve learned that all groups are stupid. What I hate is anyone who knows better yet chooses to be a racist. On the other hand, if you don’t know any black people and all you get is what you see in the news, I almost don’t blame you for being a racist. But if you know a cool brother down the block, if you know me and you’re still a racist, then you’re a fucking idiot.” –Chris Rock, from Playboy interview

“…The only other thing that sparked my interest as a kid was being a civil rights attorney, or a reverend – that is, if I could find a religion that didn’t dog people out and wasn’t on some level racist, sexist and homophobic. Yeah, I’d probably preach the gospel.” –Chris Rock, from Playboy interview

“The lesson is try your best, no matter what, and you’ll feel good at the end. Be better than your best. That’s my career philosophy.” –Chris Rock, from Playboy interview

“Sin lies only in hurting other people unnecessarily. All other ‘sins’ are invented nonsense.” –Robert A. Heinlein, author

“All I want to do is 1) make love to you and 2) share my music with the world.” –Rob Schrab, artist

“Every hero is an anti-hero, crouched on a roof in the rain, staring at their own fist.” –Dan Harmon, artist

“I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read, and all the friends I want to see.” –John Burroughs

“Monopoly is a terrible thing until you have it.” –Rupert Murdock, head of News Corporation

“Action without study is fatal. Study without action is futile.” –Mary Beard, women’s rights advocate

“The media is solely in the business of providing people with what they want. What they want is sex. And violence, too. But mostly sex.” –Bryan Walsh, Mediaweek intern

“Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.” –Napoleon Bonaparte(1769-1821), emperor of France

“For all of us, loving and accepting who we are is the first step on the road to happiness. Living among those who love and accept us is the second step.” –Marilyn Vos Savant, columnist

“If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.” –Albert Einstein, scientist

“Pressure is something you feel only when you don’t know what you’re doing.”

–Chuck Noll, football coach

“If they ever come up with a swashbuckling School, I think one of the courses should be Laughing, Then Jumping Off Something.” –‘Deep Thoughts’ by Jack Handey

“You can't feed society through bow hunting.” –Tom Green, actor

“Luck is the perfect meeting of preparation and opportunity.” –Samuel L Jackson, actor

“Is sex dirty? only if it's done right.” –Woody Allen, actor and director

“Resentment is letting someone you despise live rent-free in your head.” –?

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