My Poetry

These are poems that use to be on my index page. Doing some changing around here.

These are some of my poems. I haven't wrote in about a year.. well good enough to post. You can use my poems , but don't claim them. I have all my poems in journel books (15 of them actually), when I wrote them, who they are about and what was going on in my life when I wrote them.

If you find me interesting please email me. I will return all.
Oh and please sign my guestbook, come on you came here , so sign it, lol!

Well added a new page, why??Maybe because I'm bitter fresh out of a relationship with a guy that was CLUELESS(6/2002), or I'm tired of guys saying the same thing when they talk to me, lol. A man that is funny and romantic wins my heart so maybe this page will help...
Quote her romance

This is my family page , I haven't added new pics lately to it.
To the page of family pics!.....
Pictures of my boys when they were younger, and how a like they looked.
Dill Pickle and Bubba

To the page About me!.....
My Newest Pics

These are 2001&02(Yes as a Red Head)

ENJOY

Broken hearted
It Hurts too much to bear
not needing someone who doesn't really care
Is love really too much to ask?
where are the men that want love to last?
Hunger in my heart so strong
Why does searching feel so wrong
the slightest touch would make me fall
Broken hearted again I slam into a wall
I have lost more love then I have gained
and my heart seems to have been flushed down the drain
I have so much love to give away
Where is the love I deserve.Maybe someday?
Beginning to doubt I'll ever know true love
That I am doomed to a life of empty lust. Wanting and needing to be touched, and not being held
Prisoner to my own longings , confined to my own personal jail
5/27/04

Wanting more

I want to claim my promises of love
To find the one who will long for me always
The one who has my name etched on his heart
who has been given to me from above
One who will be with me all our days

And who can't bear to let anything tear us apart
A man whose love & soul will complete me
Who longs for my touch more then anything
He can make me laugh no matter how sad I am
Who wants to grow old with nobody else they see
Just being together makes the angels sing.

Who isn't afraid to see who I truely am>BR> That when children laugh he is filled with joy
who longs to make me happy no matter the price
and could never cheat on the on he loves so dear
can hardly wait to hear someone say
I'll be here when were are old and gray
who takes love serious and not just a roll of the dice
And misses me so very much when I'm not near

5-18-2004
Where can love be?

Eyes are the window to the soul.
Looking into them and falling like a fool.
Would I follow him, whose to say.
Just want him here to stay.
Arms holding me close, starring deep into me,
My imagination or meant to be,
In only one night, hard to tell.
Is it sweet paradise or my personal hell.
So hungry for that everlasting love of another.
So tired of settling for so much less.
Needing passion & wanting of my heart, not just sex.
Why do I torture my heart so with false hope.
Falling to quickly, loving one sided- feeling like a dope.
Tired of the mind games swirling around in my head.
Will I find my one and only , my unconditional lover before I am dead.
Now 30 I fear the latter of those two.

Many times was with wings of blind faith.
Only to be shot down with lies and hate.
What of the scars that now surround my heart.
Making me feel nothing but pain.
Needing the my one pure love to tell me I have not loved and longed in vain.
Could it be those eyes? Are the pure ?
Hoping and longing they are not the same lies just wrapped in different colors.
My heart can’t take much more , before I just give up completely.
Let it just stop beating , turning black with hate living forever lonely.

So far , So lonely!

August 2003

Darker shade of me

Sitting here in the deepness of Dark,
Thinking back to things gone wrong in my life.
My head is full of ever severing sparks
Paths I chose, and ways I could have made them right

Of how a different road would had avoided this mental rape.
How the many pains in my life still fill me with fear
The Darkness so blinding and heavy covers me like a drape,
And I search for any good to pull close as I look in the mirror.

I see the face of a child long gone starring back,
But inside the chains so tight around me show there effect.
Each new place in my life so much I want to leave, but the baggage never do I unpack.
Never trusting anyone , Just making them another suspect..

I try to look forward , but always I glance behind.
My life is what I made of it, but I don't remember the choice.
God how I wish life could be like a remote, as simple as pressing rewind.
My life is like a scary dream screaming to change , but never do I listen to the voice.

But life is always moving forward, wishing only loses time.
All I can do is change where I'm going be it good and where I will be bad.
And think of grander things to quiet the voices of mine.
Do I see a Dead End Street or a cross country road ahead??

1/28/2003

Looking...

For a man who will make me laugh despite a horrible day,
For a man who will challenge me to do something new thing each and everyday,
For a man who will love me completely & unconditionally even on my bad days,
For a man who will cherish my love for him & never want to stray
For a man who will hold me in he's arms and say I LOVE YOU at least a 100 times a day
For a man who will touch me & look at me in that longing sorta way,
For a man who will surprise me in all he's wonderful little way,
For a man who will sneak into the bathroom with me so in the shower we can play(WINK)
For a man who will make love to me over and over again till we can do nothing else but breath and lay
For a man who will share the adventure of a lifetime. I'm looking for .... maybe it's YOU.

To be with you
My yearning heart beats faster at the mention of his name
The sound of his voice send vibrations through my body
My imagination runs wild at the thought of what his touch could do.

To be with him is what my dreams are filled with
He consumes my every waking thought
To be face to face with him is where I desperately want to be

To do all I can to make him happy is my goal
To live and grow old with him would be the joy of my life
To look into he's eye and hear I love you would be my perfect world

He must know by now that I'm crazy about him
But does he know just how far I'd go
To be with him, take care of him , and love him even when we are feeble and old

July 21st, 2001
for Dave
I'll Never Run, Never Hide and Always be by your Side

But you did the running. You stopped running January 18th , 2002.

I miss you !

Searching
Searching for the love that will last forever,
Searching for the love that I so deserve,
Searching for the love that I so desperately need,
Searching for the love that loves me unconditionally, whatever,
Searching for the love that will warm me up inside,
Searching for the love meant to fill this empty void in my life,
Searching for the love that longly will be returned
Searching for the love that will shatter all other records,

Searching for the love that hold me close and tight at night,
Searching for the love that can show me exactly what love is,
Searching for the love that lights up my life like candlelight,
Searching for the love that could move all mountains in it's way,
Searching for the love that finally make me feel whole,
Searching for the love that has been hiding, watching me all my mistakes,

Searching for the love that when next to mine will become one and grow,
Searching for the love that will always be strong and true,
Searching for the love that yearns to be just with me,
Searching for the love that will keep me safe from harm,
Searching for the love that would find it impossible to cause me pain,
Searching for the love that burns with a silver flame,
Searching for the love that my heart has kept secret the name
Searching for the love that is mine to just reach out an claim,

Searching for the love that wakes just to watch me sleep at night,
Searching for the love that my soul greatly craves,
Searching for the heart of my one true love to finally write my name on he's heart.
Searching for my lover, is he searching for me too!
June 10th, 2001

Unfinished
Sitting here in the deepness of Dark
Thinking back to things gone wrong in my life.
My head is full of ever severing sparks
Paths I chose and ways I could have made them right

Of how a different road would had avoided this mental rape.
How the many pains in my life still fill me with fear
The Darkness so blinding and heavy covers me like a drape
And I search for any good to pull close as I look in the mirror

I see the face of a child long gone starring back
But inside the chains so tight around me show there effect.
Each new place in my life so much I want to leave, but the baggage never do I unpack
Never trusting anyone , Just making them another suspect

I try to look forward , but always I glance behind.
My life is what I made of it, but I don't remember the choice
God how I wish life could be like a remote, as simple as pressing rewind.
My life is like a scary dream screaming to change , but never her the voice.

But life is always moving forward, wishing only looses time
All I can do is change where I'm going, be it good or bad.
And think of grander things to quiet the voices of mine
Do I see a Dead End Street or will there be a cross country road ahead.
05/18/2000

When I found you

I hear your voice on the wind
Sweet & Warm in the air like the sun in the sky
Wishing you would be right there for me to turn and find
So far away, Such Torture, wishing I knew why.

So unbelieveable and how wonderful you are
Many would say I'm crazy to feel this way
I just want to stop and drop and run to the car
I feel the way you almost said today.

I want to enjoy us forever, Holding you lovingly
To feel your arms around me, pulling me so very close
To kiss your lips and look into your eyes so longingly
So full of Love to share from now til only God Knows
02/04/2000

In your Arms

Dreamed I fell asleep in your arms,
I slept there so comfortable and warm.
A feeling I have yet to feel,
Until I'm in your arms for real.

I wish myself there with you,
Taking nothing, No luggage,clothes, or shoes
I can image myself walking on air,
honestly I don't think I'll need shoes to walk there.

Tho the Journey to you is far,
I close my eyes and wish on a star.
That all will work out soon and we will be together,
That I will find myself in your arms and love forever
2/10/2000

You are my Best Friend, I love you!!!

Feelings
I wonder if he knows,
The way I feel within
I feel it deep inside,
Whenever I'm with him.

I wonder if he sees it,
In my sparkling eyes
The way I feel within,
Really tells no lies.

I wish I could tell him,
The way I really felt ,
Because if he knew the truth,
His heart would truely melt.

Dream of you
I dream about you all the time.
To gain your love was an up hill climb.
I love you so, so very much,
Your all I want to touch.

So long I've been here without you,
It's a test of love,I've suffered through.
Anyone can they love someone,
But both my heart and soul say your the one.

As I sit here in the dark ,
The only lights are shining in my heart.
Only you can heal my endless pain,
Only you can drive me completely insane.

4-2-91

Deny
I never really knew you
You were just a friend
But when I saw you look at me
I let my heart unbend

I couldn't keep past memories
they only made me cry
I had to forget my past loves
and give love another try

So now I've fallen in love with you
and I'll never let you go
I love you more than anyone
I just had to let you know

Innocent school girl crush, I was crushed, lol
Your name was covered with a little frog
10-90

Love that's going with you.

Don't look back when you head for the door
cuz if you do it will only hurt me more.
Don't stop to explain ,don't tell me why.
If your gonna leave ust say goodbye
I love you, I miss you, but I can make it alone
I want you , I need you, but I can hold my own.
Because I can't tie you down, you've gotta be free
and I can't make you love only me
So , don't look back I'll tell you again
Just kiss me goodbye if this is the end
Jumping upon it, you have destroyed it
Trampling over it you have crushed it
Making it bleed while you tear it apart
Not only my love but also my heart.
I love you now, I loved you then
When will this feeling ever end
My feelings are deep, inside is a love
I find it so very hard to keep
You and me together ,forever,and ever
Wishing you were mine , and forget me never.
I know this love of mine is true
But now I have to let you go.
I've always loved you from the start
and you'll always have a place in my heart.

2-91

You are
You are my rock when I need stablity,
my water when I thirst
you are my air when I breath
You are my strength when I feel I can't go on.
You are here when I cry out,
No matter what I've done.

And even tho I don't feel it sometimes,
You say I'm accepted , but only threw your blood.
I've turned my back so many times ,
and yet you still remain.
I've tried to run , and I've tried to hide,
But you were always ahead of my games.

I never knew what real love was,
Until I felt yours for me.
So unlike this world.
It's unconditional,strong and pure.
Never judging and always there to comfort,
When this world continually lashes out at me.
You love me anyway.
I thank God for all the unanswered prayers, who knows who I would have ended up with if he would have answered them!

11-18-97

Love to be
In you I have place all my trust.
This is the way I want it to always be,
To fall asleep with my head on you chest,
Feeling your ever breath.

Nothing makes me as happy as your love does
Now that we have found each other,
I never want to be apart
We have such a perfect love,
Not fake , but from the heart.

We may not have known each other long,
but our love grew quickly to be strong.
Tho the way may try to make us stray,
With me in your arms I want to always stay.

11-1-97

How funny is it
Isn't it funny how feelings can quickly turn,
first you love then you need , and then your burned.
Not wanting any, and feeling undeserving of any love.
As soon as you realize the emptiness,
you crave for love again.

In a moment you think on the past,
of all you love lost and dreams .
Often wondering ,when is it my turn.
When will I know? whose the one?
I often feel this way,and know that others do.

So why do we settle for those that will break our hearts.
We hate to be alone , of being set apart.
So we let others , break and crumble our hearts.
Searching for our perfect mate, to make us whole

I grow so tired of this wait,
And fear my heart can't take much more
Going thru such pain can easily make you insane.
Will my true love wait til it's to late

6-14-98

Love is a river
My love is flowing like rushing river.
So strong and deep that once you step into it,
you are sweep away in it's sweet current.
Oh how I never want you to be on dry land again.
I want you here thru every turn in my life , good or bad.
The only way to stop this feeling is would be,
if you built a dam and pushed me far from your side.
Then I would be like an ocean without it's shore.
like a mountain without it's peak,
or a sunset without it's sky.
and now that I have found you ,
I want so much to give love another try.
4-21-98

Innocence gone
You had no right to it yet you took it anyway.
Something I had saved for so very long,
It was for innocence, and for pure love.
You riped it from it's holder,
and no matter how hard I look ,
it is never to be found again.

You had no care for it's value,
and no thought of it's meaning to me.
It's value to me is priceless
and can never be repaid.

How wish it could have been riped from you,
I wonder how you would feel to have to,
to have to give up something,
as precious as you took from me.

How would you act ? , and who would you be?
How would you feel? and who would you need?
would you would feel empty as I often do?
Who would you trust and let get close to you?

How long would you feel the pain ?
How long would you feel ashamed ?
Would you last as long as I have?
Would your scars show from all your pain?

6-14-98

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I Want To

By now you know how much I love you ,
How much I think of you ,
How much I want to,

Kiss your lips by candlelight,
Love you under the moonlight,
Hold you tight.

I want to take you away to Ecstacy,
and throw away the key,
I want to be your destiny

Or take you on a tropical cruise
That way we won't loose
The love we choose

Then again ,I want you to hold me in your arms,
I want you to protect me from harm
I want to always be safe and warm

And I'd say , I'll never hurt you
Never will I desert you.
Always to serve you

What I want to do , I will always cherish,
What we want to do will never perish.

12-98
Sean from Hawaii wrote this one for me

Love never ends Sweet thoughts of you swim through my mind
Can a love so true run out of time
Is it old enough to endure the pain
Yet young enough to withstand the rain

Will it last forever or end today
Will we long for each other always this way
When the chips are down,will our love be enough

Will we stick together if another one calls
Or will we lose the faith and take the fall
Will we wind up lonely like other fools
Who have let insecurities take the rule

Can we forget all the hurting in the past
Be strong and make this sweet love last
Will we fogive each other when the other is bad
Or will we be like others, lonesome and sad

Sharing a life yet ,yet living alone
Forgetting a love, priceless seed have sown
Will we realize our love as ocean deep
Will we hold on to what we've fought so hard to keep

Will we hold each other as the night grows cold
Can we see that our love is more precious than gold
Will we follow our feelings or trust in our thoughts
Is it enough to find what for so long we've sought

Will we give all we've got ,should the nights turn gray
Or will we simply give up , throwing it all away
What will become of us ,what do we know
Just holding on forever and never letting go

Love never ends , when two hearts fall
Never cheating each other but giving your all
Entrusting in someon , your body and mind
Everyday there's a new treasure in love to find

And it's all before me, as i look in you eyes
Can you hear my heart as it softly cries...
You see my love for you will never end
You're not only a love ,but a trusting friend.

11-90

Ally form Hawaii wrote this one, it was so cool I added it here

The Knife After a while you learn the difference
Between holding hands and claiming a soul And company definitely doesn't mean security

And you begin to learn that Kisses aren't contacts
And presents aren't promises
And you begin to accept that you will be defeated
With head held high and eyes wide open
With the grace of God and not the grief of a child

And you learn to build all your roads
On today because tomorrows ground is to uncertain for plans
And the future has away of falling down in mid-flight
After a while you learn that even the sunshine if you get to much

You took my heart and my soul
Without you here I've turned so cold
Why have a future without you in my life
When I can die quick with one slice of the knife
Because no man is worth giving up the rest of my life
With or without you , I will survive ,just as before
So I may be alone now , but life has much much more.
9-98

So Cold
So cold & hard, how long before the warmth reaches the Heart.
Loved by some, yet the one she loved has torn her Heart apart.
She wants to love , but is filled with fear.
To much pain to ever let anyone near.
For love by just one will only cause pain,
She has been there ,and it only brought shame.
For now she prays someday , someway for God to heal her heart.
She longs for that day, a new heart , a new Start Heart.
For the warmth that her heart needs to feel.
Proof that love is not just a story or a fairy tale but real.

So She Waits

12-21-98

Love the way I want it
Rain on my face, Soft warm embrace.
Walking while holding hands, No word, no demands.
Grabbing me and drawimg me near,
Soft tender words whispered in my ear.
A stare , Knowing love is there.
Feeling from a touch on my shoulder's bare.
Kisses deep or hardly touching,
Just talking & holding back nothing.
Laying under the stars in the sky,
Touching everytime you pass by.
A glance knowing your thoughts can be read.
Remembering every word I've ever said.
Holding me as the sky grows dark,
One kiss will ignite like gasoline & a spark.

December 21, 1998

Thoughts within me
There's a love affair growing deep within my heart
The only one who doesn't know about it is him.
It must be keep a secret , that way no one is to blame.
Secrets don't hurt , especially if he doesn't feel the same.
If he knew and didn't care , it would tear me up within.
Then my mind ponders the thoughts of it and others,
What would they think , or say if they knew.
One side says it doesn't matter , the other worries because he's older.
Not that age matters, or changes the way I feel.
It could all be really simple if I just knew how he feels
I would then know whether to keep my feelings hid ,
Or to reveal my every dream or thought of him
My heart waits with anticipation of him telling me first.
How much longer must I hold this in before I burst.

12/30/98

So I didn't burst,lol.

He Lied
Daydreams filled only with thoughts of him.
Now crushed with thoughts of a married him.
If I had known , I never would have let my thoughts root so deep.
Still the thoughts come and make me think the climb to steep.
To turn and head the other way would be near impossile.
Just a glance , a smile ,any words said make my knees go weak.
He's arms around me & looking deep in his eyes,No words to speak.
Any chance of getting past this,by walking away is imposssible.
Filled with total confusion on how I should feel.
I know it's wrong , I know I shouldn't , but I do care for you.

I didn't climb this mountain, Lol. Just as well he was way too Old for me (50)
12/30/98

Feeling,Wanting,Knowing

The Feeling , feeling of complete failure.
the only thing I have ever completed.
I life not worth living, but not worth dying.
So much more to live for than to die.
All the things that would be missed.
Smiling , playing children , that love me so.
Future not seen now, but but close enough to know it's there.
A knowing that I'm better than I was , but not as good as I will be.
A wanting to be with and love the one God has for me.
A memory of abuse to be washed away by the slightest of love shown.
After that, I see nothing to die or worthy of me dying for but my GOD.
November 24, 1999

Unfading

Seems Funny how as years go by
The Mind forgets,...and exactly why?
How is it that once all your thoughts were of him,
Years later it seem hard even to remember back then.

But years go by without seeing his face ,
Never knowing his touch or the feel of his embrace.
But all the hopes and dreams and desires of your heart
Feel once again as strong as they did right from the start

Those secret desires that layed dormant for years,
Come rushing back to your mind and overcome you with tears.
All the love and passions from years gone by alive.
Just waiting for a look from him to know it's revived.
Feelings so strong as they use to be.
So now just how does he feel about me?
Does he how I've change , is it for good or bad?
Now that I have kids would he want to replace there dad?

Why is love so Unfading and remember so much.
Because love is forever and who it loves we have no choice.
To Love or Forget the heart remembers it all.
Be careful what you wish for when your heart starts to fall.

03/04/99
Bub Anthony, I swear I thought he was the one,even after 10 years, Gosh .

Who can love me?
Battling years and years trying to find,
My soulmate,my hearts desire,My mr. Right in my mind.
And in a moment of flooding tears,
The Answer came and freed me of my years of fear.

Love has to start from loving yourself.
Until that time it is too hard to accept others love.
You put all past admirers love and hearts on your shelf,
You lock away your dreams of love and deem yourself unwothy of any love.

After years of broken hearts and shattered dreams,
I had the revelation, life doesn't have to be this way.
I can truely love me and anyone else it seems,
Because I am Beautiful,Loving and God made me to be this way.

My worth comes from the inside out.
Where unworthy mate looked only from the outside in.
My Beauty is not skin deep and can not be washed away for those in doubt.
But my glorious beauty hides deep with in.

The Love that one day was meant always meant to be,
Will look on the inside, at what it is that makes me....ME!
Not my clothes , my hair or eyes,
But by my inner soul that continually shines out, not my Size!

6/18/2000
To the one man that has always made me feel beautiful in all I do. You made me realize that I am wonderful, and no one can ever tell me otherwise.
Thank you Mike!

2003 he still does

Picture pages, picture pages now it's time for picture pages, LOL ok so you can't tell I'm singing, lol
Tattoos and Pics.. But this is my new addition to the page, Pictures of my tats and other things

These poems are both new and old. Hope you have enjoyed them.
Keeping checking , because I'll add more as they come to me.

Thanks for stopping by.
Dawn

This is where I got the celtic web art

These are the webrings I belong to!!