For those of you that have had bad college roommates, you should be able to
appreciate this story. At the beginning of the semester, one of my friends, Mike
- a.k.a. Long Beach, had some alcohol in his fridge like most normal college
students. It seems his roommate, David, came back from class and noticed the
alcohol. He then proceded to go to the library and look up the school's alcohol
policy for two hours. Then he went to Jackie, the RA on the floor, and
explained to her that there was alcohol in the room and he wanted her to get
rid of it. Apparently, "he couldn't take the risk of getting caught", even
though the alcohol wasn't his to begin with. Mike was punished by the
university for being in possesion of alcohol while underage (he had to pay
a fine, is now on probation, yadayada). He woke up the morning after he was
turned in and there was a nice two page typed note David explaining why he was
Based on various interviews, The Real View has learned that nobody really
likes David anymore. He has no friends and goes home EVERY weekend. And so,
we here at The Real View took it upon ourselves to do some "research" on this
kid to learn more about him. Surprisingly, we actually learned a few things.
Most importantly, we learned that he writes poetry and recently won an
honorable mention for his poem titled "Lily Petals" (see link below).
That brings us up to the present. Certain people are still in the process
of finding ways to extract revenge upon this guy. Their names are being
withheld from this article for their protection, though they have said that
if you have any suggestions to just e-mail them to The Real View and your letters
will be forwarded to the proper people. The following are some of the actions
that have been taken due to David's episode: Mike has bought an alcohol
poster to put on his wall to state his independence; he has also put an actual
copy of the alcohol policy on his door so David won't have to research it for
two hours at the library next time; he has put a copy of the RA's report on his
dresser so that both him and David have the facts straight in case a further
confrontation comes up in the future; and an anonymous person has
written a poem to rival "Lily Petals" that tells this whole story in rhyme (see
link below). Stay tuned to The Real View, as we will update this situation as
further events occur.
"Lily Petals...by David Zolandz"
"The Story of Vid"
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