Washington, District of Colombia -- Lawmakers struck a blow against the French in House's attic chamber's closet, dubbed by some as the "sexy sexin' room". The room, well known for being outfitted with all the sick, freaky things a good congressional leader needs to get through a filibuster, will no longer house a particular ecoutrement known as French Ticklers. Rather, they will be called "Freedom Ticklers". The name change follows similar actions around the country protesting French opposition to the administration's Iraq war plans. But one House member said that applying complete legislative sanctions to France was not necessary. "I don't think we have to stop bangin' French chicks." he said.
Somewhere Along The Tigris River, Iraq -- An Iraqi boy lit candles for peace this week and floated them on the Tigris river. Little did he know that the candles were swept up by the current and came to rest next to a munitions bunker 25 miles outside of Bagdad. The collective heat activated the munitions, reigning unholy terror onto an unsuspecting nursing home community being visited by area cub scouts. The resulting carnage was unlike anything anyone had ever seen before, except for Smirni Labdania who once sent a similar batch of peace candles down a small Ukraine river near Chernobyl.
Los Angeles, California -- The Dali Lama, the spiritual and temporal leader of the Tibetan people, was in California this week to arrange peaceful war protests with his American colleagues. One of those colleagues, Richard Gere, pitched the Lama a script with a part that Gere described as "perfect". The script, "Resident Evil 2", already has Milla Jovovich attached to it. The part the Lama is considering is that of the person who becomes the initial carrier of a disease that causes him to become undead. He then spends the remainder of the movie infecting anyone he comes near and eating people's brains. Gere thought that the metaphor of infecting people with the disease of peace and eating all the warlike thoughts out of their heads would be a fitting tribute to the Dali Lama.
Miami, Florida -- Judging from the size of that dog food bag, and the number of wild dogs running in this pack located just east of Miami Lakes, I figure this particular guy has 32 minutes left before his balls are sniffed like dirt going up a hoover vac. What do you think? Write me and let me know.
|
|
Like the site? Vote for Miami Harold!