REACTION ON TRENT LOTT
ATLANTA, Georgia --Leon Harris, CNN Anchor, broke out of his typical "I'm whiter than you" persona to lash out at Senator Lott, calling him "an interesting individual with some alleged internal conflicts...now with a look at bunions and what can be done about them, here's Doctor Gupta!"
WASHINGTON, District of Columbia --Senator Strom Thurmond, upon hearing of all the turmoil caused by his birthday party, drooled and peed his pants...later, upon hearing that "almond brownies" will be served at the Congressional lunchroom, Thurmond drooled and peed his pants.
PASCAGOULA, Mississippi --Though he refused to formally speak at the African American rally against Senator Lott in his hometown of Pascagoula, Senator Lott's shoe shine "boy" shrugged and said, "What the fuck have I been telling you?"
WASHINGTON, District of Colombia --In a private meeting, Trent Lott said to his closest colleagues, "African Americans differ from us...for example, their weenies are bigger"....and though Charlie knew Lott was right, he also knew Lott must be killed in order to keep the ugly truth from surfacing.
WASHINGTON, District of Colombia --The Bush administration stopped short of offering public support for embattled Senate Majority Leader Trent Lott when, in the middle of a press conference with Senator Lott, President Bush got distracted by something "shiny".
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Trent Lott A Dismal Failure At Damage Control
A defiant Trent Lott, in the midst of controversy surrounding racially charged statements made at Strom Thurmond's 100th birthday party, insists he will continue as top Senate Republican, but his struggle to salvage his political career was complicated this week by a series of mysterious blunders made by Lott in a ham-handed attempt to control the situation...here, forthwith, are those blunders...
LOS ANGELES, California -- Trent Lott attempted to gain support from a younger base of supporters by going on the show Fear Factor...and it wasn't even a celebrity edition!...unfortunately, Lott is eliminated from the show within the first 7 minutes after being asked to eat a large bowl of collared greens while watching a "Good Times" marathon.
ATLANTA, Georgia -- Lott's next stop was the ill-fated BET interview. In preparation for weathering a hailstorm of questions, Lott got lost in the moment and initially didn't recognize BET's host, Ed Gordon. The end result, Lott says to Gordon, "Be a good boy and get me a sarsaparilla". The normally even-keeled Gordon threatens to get "all OJ on his ass".
WASHINGTON, District of Colombia -- During a Capitol Hill news conference to discuss the economic stimulus package, Trent Lott instead faces a barrage of questions focused on whether or not he should be replaced as the Republican leader. Lott, flustered, asks the press to "wait just a cotton pickin' minute". The room falls to a stunned hush, except for the sound of one guy whistling, "Swing Low, Sweet Chariot".
ORLANDO, Florida -- Trent Lott visits Paramount Studios and decides to have some fun, ala Al Gore on Saturday Night Live, by reprising the role of one of Star Trek's biggest villains, Khan. Lott believes that by vilifying himself he will make people see he's actually not a villain. Later he finds out that Khan, on the show, was the leader of an elite, white race who was hell bent on destroying inferior species. Lott spends the next four hours weeping in his trailer.
SAN DIEGO, California -- What many consider to be the "last straw", Trent Lott appears in blackface on VH1's "I Love The 80's" TV Show. Lott thought that VH1 meant the 1880s.
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