GAZA STRIP, Palestine --Yasser Arafat, after taking sixth months to consider, finally went public on his opinion of Pepsi Blue.
ALBION, Idaho --Despite the 4 bottles of Jack Daniels they consumed, Gus and Fred both knew that there was probably a smarter method for edging the front yard than tipping their big ass tractor at a 45 degree angle.
ORLANDO, Florida --Peter and Charlie bought the most colorful clothing at Epcot's Mexico stores in an effort to appear more gay.
LOS ANGELES, California --Mary Kate and Ashley released an official statement this week saying that, though they are now legal, they are still "not interested" in having sex with a guy while FULL HOUSE reruns play in the background.
|
|
Mickey Mouse Incinerated In Nuclear Accident
ORLANDO, Florida -- A group of South Floridians formed an organization last year to help unite chronic masturbators in their struggle to control themselves. However, the group, on celebrating their one year anniversary, went into simultaneous relapse. The resulting pandemonium from that relapse is now being described as the single most dramatic circle jerk in the history of the United States (there is apparently a documented circle jerk occasion in England by a bunch of druids which lead to massive flooding in Liverpool).
The very relaxed, but guilty, leader of the group still has high hopes for the future and says
that he "sees a real place for masturbation support groups"...though he recognizes his year long dry spell made him more aggressive, his eyesight did improve and more people were willing to shake his hand.
Mall of America's Business Suffers Under New, Iraqi Management Team
CORAL GABLES, Florida -- In an unprecedented move of solidarity, all of the cities and townships that collectively make up the South Florida coastline to east issued a loud and much anticipated warning this week...all the beaches on the east side of South Florida are to be considered "very dangerous" due to the influx of giant man titties. Says one official, "Hairy man tits are everywhere on this beach! The local hospitals and medical clinics are getting hundreds of visitors coming in for emergency lasek surgery, eye patches, mind erasures...it's out of control!" Since issuing the collective warning, all cities and townships are now considering the population warned, and see no issues of liability. Large signs can be seen along the beaches now that warn NOT to use this beach unless:
1. Every fat man in your party has thick shirts on that properly obfuscate the areola and push the man tits closer to the rib cage.
2. If you see man tits, direct your eyes to northwest corner of the right areola...statistically this is the "eye of the hurricane"...looking directly into the cleavage, where sweat and suntan lotion have accumulated, can result in devastating physical and mental harm.
|
|
|
Like the site? Vote for Miami Harold!
