PLYMOUTH, NEW WORLD --The "Treaty of Friendship", a goods exchange program between Pilgrims and Indians, hit a snag this week. The Pilgrims are enjoying their gift of corn, but apparantly the Indians are not too fond of the Pilgrims' gift of smallpox.
Plymouth, THE ONLY TOWN WE GOT --A new study was released this week revealing that people "born yesterday" and "just off the boat" are, indeed, quite gullible.
Plymouth, ARE YOU SEEING A TREND HERE --The cost of new homes in Plymouth skyrocketed to a bag of flour yesterday...but realtors assure residents that the extreme death toll this winter will assuredly make it a buyers market.
Wigwapum Settlement, MOTHER EARTH --Growing increasingly skeptical of the intentions of the Pilgrims, the Wigwampums decide not to reveal to them the ancient art of aluminum siding.
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Pilgrim Kellogg Loves Corn, Wishes It Came In Flakes
Plymouth, NEW WORLD -- Plymoth resident William Kellogg declared a feast to give thanks to God for their first harvest. Pilgrim Kellogg invited 52 Pilgrims for this three-day feast which featured wild turkeys, geese, and ducks. The main focus of the feast was the corn though...Pilgrim Kellogg couldn't get enough of that corn. He kept rambling on about how it could be dried up, flaked up, wrapped in plastic, placed in a box, shipped in Ghana, and marketed for $3.50 a box. Then he wanted to frost it.
Indians Demand To Be Called Native Something-or-Others
Massochet Tribal Council, WEST OF HERE -- In an unprecedented move of solidarity, all of local tribes surrounding the Plymouth Settlement came together to express their distaste in being referred to as "Indians"...though for some reason they couldn't decide on what exactly they wanted to be called. They rejected such names as the Atlanta Braves, the Washington Redskins, the Florida Seminoles, Kevin Costner and Carrot Top. They liked the term "Native", but they felt it was just lacking something in particular...one Indian suggested Owa Tagoo Siam, but was quickly scalped for being a smartass.
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