MIAMI, Florida -- The beauty pageant world was rocked as Russia's title-holder became a dethroned Miss Universe this week due to overexposure of her "special talent", farting into her hands and then quickly smelling it. Oxana Fedorova, who is also committed to a career in the police as a backup drug sniffer, was quoted as saying on Wednesday she had performed her special talent diligently but had been misled into believing that it was something people actually wanted to see. Fedorova, replaced by Miss Panama in a New York ceremony, told the tabloid daily Komsomolskaya Pravda that she had been astonished at press reports that she had been unworthy of the title. ``Hey, you try farting into your hands then smelling it...its not easy...its a gas you know...gas is very difficult to hold'' Fedorova told the daily in a front-page article entitled ``Toot-sie''

MIAMI, Florida -- British Prime Minister Tony Blair made his case for disarming Iraq to Parliament and the world Tuesday, accusing President Saddam Hussein's regime of building factories designed to kill every kitten in Iraq. Convening an emergency legislative debate, Blair presented a summary of intelligence data asserting that Iraq has long sought for a way to rid its country from anything that might be considered cute and friendly. This explains why Iraq was adamantly against having Olson Twins enter the country as weapons inspectors. Blair's report notes that Iraq has been frustrated over the country's lack of rivers and streams that would promote the NATO sanctioned way of killing kittens: drowning them in bags. The report goes on to say that Iraq has already obtained vital components for a kitten-incineration device and says it would take one to two years for Hussein's regime to build enough factories to engage in mass kitten killing in a way that only Sylvester Pussycat could envision. Iraq was quick to defend their actions, saying that the factories were OK as long as they continued to put the kittens in bags.