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| "I own a Jimmy Buffet CD but I'll be damned if I know why." Miami Harold, Editor |
Volume 1, Issue 6 September 12, 2002 |
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CORAL GABLES, Florida -- Ineffective Doppler radar becomes a campaign issue; voters say, "The weatherman SAID this shit was comin', but I don't see any big, yellow thing floating in the sky...mmmmm, mmmmm."
FORT LAUDERDALE, Florida -- Expecting a big turnout for McBride, Reno supporters practice their election day techniques for holding those voters at bay.
KEY LARGO, Florida -- Voters who are also in Marching Band chose not to visit the polls this week; they were upset because both McBride and Reno agree that people in marching band are some of the nerdiest nerds in nerdtown.
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Volume 1
Issue 1 Issue 2 Issue 3 Issue 4 Issue 5 Issue 6 |
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ORLANDO, Florida -- Florida gubernatorial candidate Janet Reno, dogged by questions regarding the close race to determine the winner in Tuesday's primary election, let her guard drop and revealed what she had been trying to hide throughout the race; she is addicted to the patch...or else she was just scratching her shoulder...but we suspect the worst. Reno declined to answer questions asked by reporters as she left her campaign headquarter in Miami Lakes, except to say that we were being stupid. Elections departments in Miami-Dade and Broward counties continue to tally votes to determine the winner in Tuesday's primary election.
MIAMI, Florida -- Florida Democratic gubernatorial candidate Bill McBride lashed out at supporters early Wednesday morning in Tampa as the tension over the close race came to a boiling point. McBride allegedly promised to "bite (the voters') faces off" if he didn't win. Then, to accent his point, he took the cap off a new bottle of ketchup and tore off the little white protection seal with...yes, you guessed it...his teeth! Political novice McBride was on the verge of pulling off a stunning upset over Janet Reno in Tuesday's race to challenge Republican Gov. Jeb Bush.
MIAMI, Florida -- In an effort to address the "hanging chad" problems that embarrassed Florida voters during the last Presidential election, election workers this year took a zero-tolerance approach to chads this year. This meant, however, that no one name "Chad" would be allowed in a building where voting was taking place. Chads across South Florida were confused, hurt, and angered by the news...except for Chad Lowe, who pounded his fists on the arms of his overstuffed chair and said "foiled"!