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	- Quotes - Funny stuff from all over the net and everywhere else!
	Give your child mental blocks for Christmas. ~ No girdle ever cured a pregnancy. ~ How untasteful can you get? ~ I'm sorry, did I assassinate your penguin? ~ Dying is easy. Comedy is hard. ~ That's what she said. ~ Sturgeon's Law: Ninety percent of everything is crud. ~ All great ideas are controversial, or have been at one time. ~ To criticize the incompetent is easy; to criticize the competent is difficult. ~ As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong? ~ No amount of genius can overcome a preoccupation with detail. ~ I like winter. I like the cold. I like the sound of flowers dying. ~ In this world, truth can wait; she's used to it. ~ Everything in excess! To enjoy the flavor of life, take big bites. ~ Those students who have become one with the universe will be allowed to go on and become two with the universe. ~ The universe is laughing behind your back. ~ Let not the sands of time get in your lunch. ~ Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! ~ Every absurdity has a champion to defend it. ~ A man who turns green has eschewed protein.
back to the top	One man's theology is another man's belly laugh. ~ It was a book to kill time for those who liked it better dead. ~ We could do that, but it would be wrong, that's for sure. ~ Let a fool hold his tongue and he will pass for a sage. ~ Eek! ~ Was uns nicht umbringt macht mir bis 1500 naechsten nachmittag schlafen. ~ All that glitters has a high refractive index. ~ Moderation is for monks. ~ The meek will inherit the earth; the rest of us will go to the stars. ~ Anybody who cannot comprehend mathematics is not fully human. At best he is a tolerable subhuman who has learned to wash, cook food, and not make messes on the floor. ~ The world owes all its onward impulses to men ill at ease. The happy man confines himself within ancient limits. ~ Wonders never cease, as long as you never cease to wonder. ~ Standing on head makes smile of frown, but rest of face also upside down. ~ Art is dangerous ~ The important thing is not to stop questioning. ~ What happens when you cut back the jungle? It recedes. ~ Little girls, like butterflies, need no excuse. ~ We come in peace... shoot to kill... ~ I've seen the future and I leave it all behind ~ The early worm gets the bird.
back to the top	Who is W. O. Baker, and why is he saying those terrible things about me? ~ It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees. ~ Mate, this parrot wouldn't VOOM if you put four million volts through it! ~ An idle mind is worth two in the bush. ~ Men still remember the first kiss after women have forgotten the last. ~ Your ignorance cramps my conversation. ~ Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes. ~ Everybody ought to have a friend. ~ If you hit a man over the head with a fish, he'll have a headache for a day. But if you teach a man to hit himself over the head with a fish, he'll have headaches for the rest of his life. ~ Ignorance can be cured -- but stupid is forever. ~ The future ain't what it used to be. ~ Fidelity: A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed. ~ Moving parts in rubbing contact require lubrication to avoid excessive wear. ~ The following statement is not true: ~ Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing. ~ Flee at once, all is discovered. ~ Continental Life. Why do you ask? ~ Early to bed and early to rise makes a man stupid and blind in the eyes. ~ We all know that no one understands anything that isn't funny. ~ No matter where you go... there you are. ~ Honi soit la vache qui rit.
back to the top	He who laughs, lasts. ~ A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a Unicorn. ~ Money is truthful. When a man speaks of honor, make him pay cash. ~ I know your secret. ~ Cut the conversation, just open your mouth ~ How sharper than a hound's tooth it is to have a thankless serpent. ~ Do not underestimate the power of the Force. ~ Chill out... everything's under control... ~ Rainy days and Mondays always get me down. ~ Brain fried -- Core dumped ~ Beware of a dark-haired man with a loud tie. ~ Eggs on top, canned goods on the bottom... ~ Everybody is equal here. It's just some people are more equal than others. ~ The decision doesn't have to be logical, it was unanimous. ~ You can never trust a woman; she may be true to you. ~ Quack! ~ Blessed are they that run around in circles, for they shall be known as wheels. ~ Thaaaaaat's niiiiiice. ~ A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds. ~ Always tell her she is beautiful, especially if she is not.
back to the top	I'm not sure of what I should do -- when every thought I'm thinking of is you ~ The truth of a proposition has nothing to do with its credibility. ~ What is worth doing is worth the trouble of asking somebody to do it. ~ Never underestimate the power of human stupidity. ~ It's later than you think. ~ If it's comprehensible, it's obsolete. ~ Darwin's Law of Carcinogens: Cancer cures smoking. ~ It's an IBM, it's got an excuse. ~ A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle. ~ Well, it looks like blind, screaming hedonism won out. ~ The world is coming to an end. Please log off. ~ Flixtipix make flossing the cat fun! ~ People humiliating a salami! ~ You're not really drunk if you can lie on the floor without hanging on. ~ Drive defensively; buy a tank. ~ The best teddy bears are the live kind. ~ Everybody needs a little love sometime; stop mudding and fall in love! ~ Promptness is its own reward, if one lives by the clock instead of the sword. ~ Spacetime isn't curved, it's positively bent. ~ Never try to outstubborn a cat.
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