Jeff Probst: So, gentlemen, here we are, down to your final vote. Let's review where we've been. Mr. Laurel and Mr. Hardy, how does it feel to have been the most hostile players in "Survivor" history--so unflinchingly nasty that you've caused the alienation and departure of every tribe member in your own and the opposing team? Stan: Say, don't you think you're bounding over your steps? Ollie: Uh, why, he means, 'overstepping your bounds,' heh-heh-heh... [twiddles tie] Jeff: And obviously, Mr. Hardy, old habits die hard. That very tie twiddle got you in trouble in the memorable "Scissors" match, when Charlie Hall got tired of your condescending attitude and cut off your tie as you waved it in his face. (Ollie sheepishly stops waving his tie) Now, normally, we'd have some of the previously ejected tribe members help us in the vote, but every last one of them has informed us that they'd rather spend an evening in Walter Long's armpit than return to the island for a final vote. Therefore, since only two voters means a potential tie, Stan, as the winner of the final challenge, will be allowed two votes. Gentlemen, cast your vote, or votes...and good luck. (Stan saunters off to vote, leaving Ollie looking dejected. Upon Stan's return, Ollie, his head bent in sorrow, goes to cast his vote. Jeff retrieves the vote canister.)
Jeff Probst: Now then...whoever receives the majority of votes will have his torch snuffed out this evening, leaving the sole survivor to win the million dollars. Here we go. (Jeff retrieves the first vote and looks at it disbelievingly. He pulls out the second and third votes and still can't believe it.) Why, this is impossible! My name is on all three of these ballots! This is against all rules... Stan: You're wrong, Mr. Probst! Here's what it says in the rule book. (Stan pulls out the rule book and reads it aloud.)
This rule is true, it's not a fake...Contestants are allowed one break...Tribal members must do each other proud...but snarky hosts are not allowed! (Jeff is dragged off-camera, kicking and screaming, by CBS executives as Stan and Ollie laugh.) Ollie: Big bait catches big rat! (laughs) So, er, Stanley...you won the final challenge. Stan: (Nods decisively) Um-hmm. Ollie: So, er, I suppose that means you are entitled to all of the million dollars. Stan: Uh-huh. Ollie:So, er, that's a lot of money. How do you propose to, er, share the wealth? Stan: (Puts his hands behind his head and leans back) I'm going to buy me a million dollars worth of chocolate ice cream! Ollie pulls a nearby plug in the sand, and we see Stan start to slide down a sandtrap.) TITLE: Ollie's final words Ollie: (Looks into camera) Stanley's gone from the beach. SURVIVOR credits: Dialogue by S.J. Bailey. Graphics by John V. Brennan. Read the SURVIVOR book--just not out loud. (Click on Ollie to go back.)
