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    • Sawney Beane, his wife, 8 sons, 6 daughters, and 32 grandchildren were a family of cannibals that lived in the caves near Galloway, Scotland in the early 17th Century. Although the total number is not known, it is believed they claimed over 50 victims per year. The entire family was taken by an army detachment to Edinburgh and executed, apparently without trial.
    • Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.
    • An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break his former girlfriend's windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a rather large hole in his stomach.
    • A drunk security man asked a colleague at the Moscow bank they were guarding to stab his bullet-proof vest to see if it would protected him against a knife attack. It didn't, and the 25-year-old guard died of a heart wound.
    • A San Diego man sued the city for emotional trauma during a concert when he saw women using the men's rest room.
    • A young criminal walked into a bank and quietly handed the teller a note demanding several thousand dollars. Disguised, the man could have easily gotten away. However, he had idiotically written the note on a piece of his own stationery; it included his full name and address.
    • T'Chacka Mshinda Thorpe, 25, was arrested in Lynchburg, Va., in May and charged with possession of cocaine after a brief chase; police caught up to him after Thorpe tripped on his low-riding baggy pants, fell, and fractured his femur.
    • Edney Raphael, 39, running from a stabbing in Philadelphia with a bloody knife in his hand, was captured following a foot chase; he had turned his head to see where the officers were and run smack into a parking meter.
    • A 20 year old protester was arrested in Montana after he assaulted a congress women from Iowa with a salmon.
    • Student Robert Ricketts, 19, had his head bloodied when he was struck by a Conrail train. He told police he was trying to see how close to the moving train he could place his head without getting hit.
    • The words were tattooed across the forehead of Wayne Black, a suspected thief. When confronted by police, Black insisted he wasn't Wayne Black. To prove it, he stood in front of a mirror and insisted he was Kcalb Enyaw.
    • [Webmaster's Note: I don't know if the following individuals can actually be considered criminals, but, what the heck...]Three monkeys hurled bananas and crab apples at cars on Interstate 95, then fled into the woods, police said. Police believe the monkeys escaped while being taken to the state fair in Richmond or a circus in North Carolina. State Trooper Mike Scott was flagged down Sunday by a driver who had pulled over near Jarratt. "When I walked up to the car, it looked like a banana had been smeared on the side," Scott said. The woman told him a monkey had thrown the fruit about a mile back. "I started laughing," Scott said. But he drove to the scene of the attack and found a van and a station wagon on the side of the highway. "A man said, 'I know this sounds crazy, but a monkey threw an apple at our car,'" Scott said. Just then, something hit the van. "Lo and behold there were three brown monkeys in an oak tree throwing crab apples," Scott said. The primates jumped down, ran across the highway and escaped into more trees.
    • A Linthicum, Maryland woman, dressed only in bra and panties, lost her balance while putting down linoleum in her home and fell smack into the glue that was spread on the floor, according to Battalian Chief John M. Scholz of the county Fire Department. She became stuck to the floor (mistake one) but somehow managed to free herself after awhile and called the emergency number 911.
      When the EMTs arrived they found her sitting on her couch (mistake number two). She was now glued to her couch. She had crossed her legs (mistake number three). Her legs were now glued together. And they also found her cordless phone glued to her hand.
      Crews, using solvent-dipped sterile gauze pads, eventually freed her legs, hands and extremities. She refused to be taken to the hospital.

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