The Cameron Column #44
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      Here at the Cameron Column News Center we respond with instant lethargy to earth shaking events. We know that many or perhaps even none of you look to the Cameron Column to explain the important issues of the day in such a fashion as to demonstrate the most shallow of understandings.

      So let me calm all of you about the most recent anxiety inducing development: Cloning. Now, I have carefully read the cover of a Time Magazine article on the subject, and am prepared to put all of this in perspective.

      It seems that a group of scientists, after years and years of study, have managed to use cloning to produce a sheep which looks EXACTLY like its mother. I guess this is a pretty big deal, but I have a question: isn't this what would have happened ANYWAY? Next time you're passing a flock of sheep, take a close look at 'em. That's right, they ALL LOOK ALIKE. So this cloning turns out to be up there with the discovery of Chia Pets in terms of national importance, in my opinion. You want to impress me, clone a sheep that looks like Harry Belafonte.

      The real issue here isn't about sheep at all, it's about people. Cloning an individual raises a whole host of ethical and moral questions, like, if these scientists were to clone me, who would get control of the TV remote control?

      The Clinton White House, known for its deft handling of ethical and moral questions, quickly issued a statement that no funds derived from renting out the Lincoln Bedroom to Chinese agents would be used to further the study of human cloning. I think this is a bit hasty, and want to offer two arguments why we SHOULD pursue human cloning: (1) Christie (2) Brinkley.

      Most of the objections to cloning are based on misconceptions about what a clone would be. As depicted in the movies, clones would be zombie-like creatures, speaking in monotones and moving stiffly around the room with expressionless faces. But this would only happen if we accidentally cloned Al Gore. In truth, cloning means the offspring will be a sheep.

      The real potential for cloning lies in the future possibility to produce a clone of your children. These clones would then be given to your kids as Christmas presents, so that they will be blessed with teenagers who behave EXACTLY like THEY did. That's what cloning is about.


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Copyright W. Bruce Cameron 1997
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